Submitted by insideoutcognito t3_ymnzdq in nottheonion
Comments
8-36 t1_iv4w3sz wrote
And has a shit ton of money also
GrandmaPoses t1_iv5ga2r wrote
Think of all the nipples she can buy!
Khaldara t1_iv5o7vk wrote
InnovativeFarmer t1_iv6gk5o wrote
Ren and Stimpy had no business being on during the day.
Maximum_Comedian_708 t1_iv6fwzq wrote
“How much do they cost”
“About twenty shmecklessss”
LiberalFartsMajor t1_iwctjhn wrote
"I'm Mr boobie buyer, I'll buy those boobies for twenty five shmeckles.
Speadraser t1_iv82jua wrote
Nipples of Venus
LeviathanGank t1_iv99soz wrote
sirens of nipples
Knerrbo t1_iv6ppao wrote
A tit ton* of money
[deleted] t1_iv8rlid wrote
[deleted]
Sea_Math4 t1_iv4x8bj wrote
Also cracks atm codes
devo_inc t1_iv5wye5 wrote
Hackernips
supercyberlurker t1_iv5yfm2 wrote
Yeah I want to hear a bit more about that.
How does one 'crack atm codes'. This isn't actually a hollywood movie.
xrufus7x t1_iv6h33e wrote
Most people use easy to remember numbers so if he used like his bday she could have gotten the info from his wallet or maybe he wrote it down on a piece of paper and kept it in there. Its also possible Ugandan ATMs have shit security and she just brute forced it.
StarCitizenIsGood t1_iv7hg7i wrote
They are too embarrassed to admit they told her the pin codes under threat of being bent over the balcony and fucked by her strapon
HaikuBotStalksMe t1_iv6eyfo wrote
"ay yu, I let suck vagene if gib EhTM meshen pin."
"Wan two thee foh"
"Fool, I don't really give vagene"
"Bamboozled! I will say you crack."
Enthusiastically t1_iv4wexr wrote
Small price to pay for an epic story.
Fetlocks_Glistening t1_iv4ygdt wrote
Not if the guy was married though, methinks
ironroad18 t1_iv5384j wrote
Plot twist: His partner is into that shit, the robbery part I mean as she hates his guts.
ajver19 t1_iv54630 wrote
I mean a fireman's carry is all about a way to carry heavy weight that you normally wouldn't be able to.
Walking with someone on your shoulders isn't the same as holding them like you just got married.
Misabi t1_iv7a3in wrote
Just gotta practice the Ranger roll to get them up there.
Larmefaux t1_iv56va5 wrote
Fireperson's carry.
Timelymanner t1_iv57xa2 wrote
She may have had partners to help.
anotherday-myfriend t1_iv6niek wrote
Waste of time and breath, but thanks.
fml87 t1_iv5wkvx wrote
You’ve triggered the conservatives
Lucibean t1_iv6lvqc wrote
and only she can defeat Homelander
JohnnyOnslaught t1_iv5th6v wrote
Gotta admire the hustle.
barrymccockner76 t1_iv6361p wrote
I like how you also called her a women.
gamerdude69 t1_iv8r8pj wrote
Shilling? Like what Scrooge gave the boy to fetch the fattest turkey? Wtf
Vradlock t1_iv5ng7x wrote
And is a good hacker unless he had his pins written on the back of each card.
maisaktong t1_iv5kyit wrote
So, A booby trap?
christophersonne t1_iv5v969 wrote
That's the breast pun I've seen in this post so far.
candidateforhumanity t1_iv7yg1e wrote
It is, isn't it?
[deleted] t1_iv871e0 wrote
[deleted]
candidateforhumanity t1_iv890se wrote
r/ThatWasTheJoke
MJLDat t1_iv6odvb wrote
Have my daily award.
quiggsmcghee t1_iv5tc7a wrote
Nice
LordGrudleBeard t1_iv8vvsr wrote
Hmm maybe this is the origin of the phrase
Falconflyer75 t1_iv6wk2e wrote
Right on point
Textipulator t1_iv5uyfy wrote
You beat me to it.
Vontuk t1_iv4zwzo wrote
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me a third time cause it's still a titty..
StoopidHippie t1_iv52g9h wrote
You win the internet today :)
solitudeisdiss t1_iv54zee wrote
Kind of a low hanging tit though.
StoopidHippie t1_iv59jnh wrote
Also, at my age, any tit I get is low hanging
Vontuk t1_iv569o5 wrote
Oh I'd probably die, I'd get the one titty belonging to a serial killer. Like instead of spirits in the swamps of Lotr it would be boobs and I'd be dragged away..
StoopidHippie t1_iv58wxn wrote
Goddammit, I just spit coffee everywhere
-maffu- t1_iv55s9i wrote
I got robbed by her five times last week.
Flux83 t1_iv5jokm wrote
You must be running out of wallets, just head over to costco and buy in bulk.
rainbow_bro_bot t1_iv5zy2i wrote
Buy a cheap $5 wallet and put $1 in it.
Each time you get robbed you are basically paying $6 to suck on her tits. If she has nice tits it's a good deal.
Mr-Korv t1_iv66ptx wrote
Plus free drugs
-maffu- t1_iv5texa wrote
Top tip. (if you'll excuse the pun)
digitaldigdug t1_iv66mhm wrote
Better idea, leave your real wallet in your car and get a wallet loaded with fake cards and some monopoly $ before hitting her up
Flux83 t1_iv66rac wrote
You think she is going to check your wallet before knocking you out?
digitaldigdug t1_iv69e15 wrote
If she grabs your wallet and runs she won't know until it's too late. If the robbing happens just outside the bar she has to move quickly before she gets noticed.
Menown t1_iv6qug3 wrote
Yeah but if anybody asks, those aren't my wallets.
ExaBrain t1_iv4vo8w wrote
This was an episode of CSI with Krista Allen as the escort with sedative laced nipples.
lobsterbash t1_iv5243p wrote
"CSI: Nipple Crimes"
oundhakar t1_iv52zqa wrote
CSI: Nip Slurp
Hm_Maybe_ t1_iv597ll wrote
Nip and tuck into bed.
WaytoomanyUIDs t1_iw20r7c wrote
CSI: Special Nipples Unit.
smith_716 t1_iv4wpcp wrote
Yeah but in that episode she also drugged herself, just slower, because her nipples absorbed the drugs.
So I find this kind of hard to believe unless they had some kind of skin barrier between the drug and the skin otherwise the same thing would happen.
gryfter_13 t1_iv5mwiy wrote
Maybe she's spent years building up a tolerance to iocane powder.
chojinra t1_iv5s5zi wrote
It’s inconceivable this doesn’t have more likes.
Happy cake day.
imafraidofmuricans t1_iv5akr3 wrote
..or the show was wrong and that wouldn't happen?
I don't quite get why you think the show I'd the correct source, there.
down_a_golden_road t1_iv529b5 wrote
It's like that scene in Batman & Robin where Robin kisses Poison Ivy and she's like :O omg bro you aren't gonna pass out? And he rips off his lips and goes like HAH, plastic lips!
Maybe she does something similar, like HAH, plastic nips!
PsyFiFungi t1_iv5aw9w wrote
That depends on the chemical. Lot of drugs aren't able to be absorbed through skin.
aKnightWh0SaysNi t1_iv5dcee wrote
You use tv shows as your basis of understanding for what would actually happen?
smith_716 t1_iv5ohpu wrote
No, but it's a good example.
I also know skin absorbs things. That's why they make transdermal medications. Like nicotine or lidocaine patches, or what has helped me the most: Voltaren.
Fluffy-Composer-2619 t1_iv5sqr9 wrote
All your examples of things which the skin absorbs, are things which were specifically designed to be absorbed by skin - there's a reason they don't tell you to take paracetamol by holding a tablet to your stomach.
The fact that they make transdermal medications at all should be proof enough that not all medications are transdermal
chantillylace9 t1_iv585yr wrote
Maybe Vaseline under the drugs?
JohnnySpoons82 t1_iv586ml wrote
Would Vaseline work?
Commie_EntSniper t1_iv65vmo wrote
INT: Police questioning room.
AMANDA: I'm telling you officer, I didn't have anything to do with that man getting robbed.
CSI DETECTIVE: (leans over desk to loom over her, aggressively pointing between her and the laptop on the desk showing security footage). We've got you on security camera entering the building with him! We have video of you in the Uber. We have video from the restaurant and your dinner conversation just before that where you 'invited him to invite you to his room". which you both clearly did. We have you at the scene of the crime at the time of the crime. We just don't have a weapon yet."
AMANDA shifts slightly and looks down to her blouse and slowly straightens her back while looking up seductively. CUT SCENE.
Rogue42bdf t1_iv7gidf wrote
I think this was the first episode of CSI.
Internal_Poem_3324 t1_iv4wz7d wrote
Sounds like they know who she is; so it's likely to go tits up for her.
Fetlocks_Glistening t1_iv5bkrw wrote
They'll nip it in the bud!
Flux83 t1_iv5jwya wrote
The cops keep trying but for some odd reason they keep falling asleep.
generaljimdave t1_iv51kqq wrote
This is how you learn the teaches of Peaches.
spizzywinktom t1_iv5jr9q wrote
Huh?
spongeboobsparepants t1_iv5llzl wrote
By fucking the pain away
spizzywinktom t1_iv5lqzu wrote
Right. What?
spongeboobsparepants t1_iv5m1tw wrote
The guy above is just referring to the lyric “suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me”
spizzywinktom t1_iv5mohc wrote
Huh? What?
calliopedorme t1_iv5puht wrote
Whooshed him bad
spizzywinktom t1_iv5qsp5 wrote
Lol it brightened my morning
[deleted] t1_iv5ygxr wrote
[deleted]
whatfuckingever69 t1_iv5yiz9 wrote
r/woooosh
Muhabba t1_iv4vagy wrote
I would like to be robbed, please.
elementofpee t1_iv5utff wrote
Classic redditor
admiralforbin t1_iv64s2s wrote
Found Mitch Trubisky’s burner
64sweetsour t1_iv4sqov wrote
U gand make that stuff up
berkleysquare t1_iv4u1kh wrote
Kenya believe it?
Enthusiastically t1_iv4waxc wrote
Not the breast pun thread folks.
Fetlocks_Glistening t1_iv4yct8 wrote
Putting the best breast forward though
64sweetsour t1_iv52dln wrote
Knock Out Knockers
Such-Wrongdoer-2198 t1_iv5t26b wrote
Maybe she expected him to pay up front, but got mad when E gypt her.
[deleted] t1_iv4x79w wrote
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pirahno t1_iv55aqv wrote
What a Chad
[deleted] t1_iv4uz2n wrote
[removed]
Such-Wrongdoer-2198 t1_iv5sz6n wrote
In Africa U ganda expect it.
brokefixfux t1_iv4tdcl wrote
So there’s another “Hangover” sequel coming out?
LilG1984 t1_iv5f4vt wrote
So her milkshakes brings all the boys to yard, then they get robbed...
plethorial t1_iv5ggdo wrote
Wow, only now I understand what the song is talking about… thank you!
MiSsiLeR81 t1_iv5gj6h wrote
gotta admit, some humans are at the peak of creativity and that original moves.
Parmaandchips t1_iv4x3ye wrote
10/10 would get robbed again
Enlightened-Beaver t1_iv5tmq4 wrote
One man was robbed 10 times by the same woman!
rainbow_bro_bot t1_iv5zjyt wrote
She also spikes men's drinks in bars.
​
>A female Superintendent of Police -SP who was recording the Lieutenant’s statement could not hold her laughter at the story.
She wouldn't be laughing if the genders were swapped.
Bebop_Man t1_iv5tx80 wrote
There's a sucker born every minute.
4quatloos t1_iv7jrdg wrote
A booby trap! Just show up with without a wallet.
timojenbin t1_iv685am wrote
A friend of mine went to Thailand and was told, even if a topless local woman on the beach offers, don't lick her nipples. This was about 25 years ago.
EmbarrassedHelp t1_ivawsam wrote
Damn, that can't be good for their bodies to do stuff like that
Rhesusmonkeydave t1_iv4scis wrote
Ugandan-y more of them sleepytime tiddies?
Timbo_007 t1_iv5kha9 wrote
Not new, common practice in many places of the world
Knerrbo t1_iv6qbkb wrote
When the milk goes breaking bad
NabreLabre t1_iv5bkyl wrote
Don't mind me just clicked for the picture
SpirituallyMyopic t1_iv5dg6r wrote
I love that her shirt says Team No Sleep. The irony.
Cruxifux t1_iv611hg wrote
There’s gotta be easier ways to drug someone
nedeta t1_iv634qr wrote
This is common. I knew a guy in Columbia that got robbed when prostitute laced her nipples.
JohnnyAK907 t1_iv8mt4g wrote
This actually isn't new. There was a string of this sort of scam going on in Taiwan in the early 80's. I read about it in one of my dad's hidden playboys when I was a kid, and remember the story and the cartoon of a dude passed out slobbering with a tit in his mouth was hilarious.
Taractis t1_iv50jy6 wrote
Now this is a next level grift.
Trumpswells t1_iv59cst wrote
Is it one ‘woman’? Or a Ugandan women practice?
spacecampreject t1_iv5byd9 wrote
The concept isn’t new. I heard of this being done in Mexico years ago. It’s some optomalic drug they use.
CaptainHindsight92 t1_iv5ckqd wrote
Ah yes the old honey trap...
PriorHedgehog t1_iv5pr6l wrote
I think you mean booby trap mate
Such-Wrongdoer-2198 t1_iv5t574 wrote
What kind of bees give milk?
>!Boobies!<
quiggsmcghee t1_iv5thx9 wrote
👻🐝s!
ChetManly91 t1_iv5dsvz wrote
She’ll be dropping an album in no time
ph30nix01 t1_iv5l035 wrote
Always use a baby wipe before fornication 😆
Textipulator t1_iv5uuyw wrote
So a "Booby Trap" in it's true form?
[deleted] t1_iv5vr0w wrote
[deleted]
erice2018 t1_iv5v9q4 wrote
When he woke up, at least he still had his mammary
Zeothalen t1_iv5wd58 wrote
This is strait for an episode of csi
ceramikid t1_iv65qd7 wrote
Smart.
porkforpigs t1_iv6l97a wrote
Looks like somebody watched that episode of CSI
eighthgen t1_iv6lcca wrote
This story is suspect....
broadenandbuild t1_iv6lh11 wrote
+1 for ingenuity
JustaGigolo1973 t1_iv8ic1t wrote
This is the breast story I have read today
flowersermon9 t1_iv8pl3t wrote
Got them arsenic areolas
All_cheeki_n0_breeki t1_iv8xwch wrote
The ol cardi b strat
YouKnowWhoThemIs t1_iv4uuug wrote
Uganda be kidding me
S-Vagus t1_iv52ztw wrote
Or just a performance prostitute that learned the Vagus Martial Arts of Ego!
____cire4____ t1_iv5lhvr wrote
New fetish unlocked.
chojinra t1_iv5rwqr wrote
I mean… I have to give her points for her creativity with her… points.
[deleted] t1_iv5voxg wrote
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Beardfart t1_iv608zj wrote
I've heard of Ugandan Knuckles, but Ugandan Nipples?!
Larry_Phischman t1_iv6303q wrote
This actually happens a lot. There was even a CSI episode about it.
hagakurejunkie t1_iv6c7sz wrote
I'm not entirely opposed to this...
Spazic77 t1_iv6ka5n wrote
How many Chucky Cheese Tokens is that, I'm trying to fund out how much was stolen here.....
[deleted] t1_iv6v8b4 wrote
[removed]
GwiyomiJessi t1_iv731s6 wrote
queen behaviour
fatboyjonas t1_iv7fo0r wrote
Robbed me 3 times already
CheckYourStats t1_iv7hll0 wrote
So she’s a Ugandan Bill Cosby?
oneofmanyany t1_iv7odgs wrote
What a charming story.
CheshireRaptor t1_iv7vk9q wrote
LMAO! More like dude thought he was going to get a cheap lay, stripped off his clothes jumped in bed and THEN was drugged.
Skyblacker t1_iv83nuu wrote
I'm impressed. Looking at the photo of the suspect, they're not even big tiddies. I'd guess 36B at a glance, really more band than cup there.
officiallyzoneboy t1_iv86y7u wrote
Women popular weapon is drugging men.
ReyRamone t1_iv8pfhk wrote
I didn't know Cardi B was ugandan 🤔
day7seven t1_iv977pb wrote
Worth it
Grumar t1_ivb1tsi wrote
Dis is da wae
Dr-P-Ossoff t1_ivc13kl wrote
I saw that in an old issue of Heavy Metal magazine.,
[deleted] t1_ivmu5fu wrote
That sucks
raddaya t1_iv5o32w wrote
> A female Superintendent of Police -SP who was recording the Lieutenant’s statement could not hold her laughter at the story. “So, you have also fallen victim to her spiking breasts? I knew you would tell me funny stories yet I know the woman you are talking about. You are not the first to be robbed by this woman. But what’s unique about her breasts, why are you men falling into her tricks,” the officer teased her army colleague.
Imagine being date raped and then the police Superintendent laughs at you. Shame on her.
HallOfGlory1 t1_iv5r4xy wrote
They weren't raped. They were robbed. Yes she shouldn't laugh, but this is also Uganda. They're pretty high on the list for child marriages and such. I'm surprised they even took their statements. Though I suppose it was because he was a lieutenant.
HelloS0n t1_iv6y36w wrote
“ATM cards pin codes were cracked and they withdrew 10 million Shillings,” Enanga explained.”
Googles 10million shillings to USD
So they withdrew $83,883 USD worth from an ATM?
xRmg t1_iv97epd wrote
Those are kenian shillings by default.
Google "10 million ugandan shillings to usd"
Its at this moment just shy of 2700 usd
Kamwind t1_iv4wfxq wrote
And that is the picture they decided to use for the story?
cutelyaware t1_iv4z81p wrote
Those are stunt boobies
poultran t1_iv5i1tk wrote
Stoobie stoobie do.
Cynykl t1_ivdxevw wrote
I dont know why you are being downvoted. It is clearly a bait and switch.
Generalitary t1_iv64nca wrote
Respect
ReturnOfCE t1_iv5rzne wrote
Flip the genders and the mood of this thread would be very different
[deleted] t1_iv7z1cz wrote
[deleted]
cenzala t1_iv52a3a wrote
Switch the genders and suddenly it doesn't fit the sub
[deleted] t1_iv56c7j wrote
[removed]
coleslawww307 t1_iv5ai74 wrote
Be the change you want to see in the world, man. Don’t let the feminist win. Lace your own nipples with sedatives
Miami_Beach_Man t1_iv4z26y wrote
There's also gorgeous women that lace their vaginas with chloroform and hang out in luxury clubs in Monaco/Dubai/Las Vegas etc to attract rich guys. When the guys go down on them they get knocked dout and robbed silly.
-1KingKRool- t1_iv50o0b wrote
Sounds dubious at best.
Chloroform is slow-acting, and it would take at least a few minutes of breathing it to have it meaningfully affect a person.
Couple this with ingestion and absorption producing similar effects to inhalation, with the labia and vagina both falling more into the mucus membrane territory (read, absorbs faster than just skin) and they’d be knocking themselves out first.
flapadar_ t1_iv5343i wrote
It's also got a powerful sweet solvent smell. There's no way someone wouldn't smell it.
[deleted] t1_iv52cba wrote
[removed]
Miami_Beach_Man t1_iv5d045 wrote
Probably got the drug wrong then, but I read it in The Secret Footballer when he's talking about high end thieves
LavaMcLampson t1_iv531fj wrote
Forwards from my uncle.
FriesWithThat t1_iv4t5l1 wrote
>“This victim told us that this suspect drugged him and then carried him into her car up to the lodge where she stripped and robbed him. He claims his three million Shillings was stolen, ATM cards pin codes were cracked and they withdrew 10 million Shillings,” Enanga explained.
13 million Ugandan shillings is about $3400. Not only does this women have alluring nipples but she apparently is very strong.