I keep my window unlocked for this reason! However, they’re very narrow and high up so I always look like the most awkward burglar in the world as I throw myself haphazardly into my house. I’m pretty sure my neighbors know by now im not a home intruder, just a forgetful tenant

my comment about lunch. Not much happened. I’m lazy and don’t feel like editing anything anymore so you got good timing and I’ll tell u what was said via text last night. He said “idk how or why it would, but if it happened again i would not complain”

Now that the dust has settled, I can see how it may seem like that. If really isn’t that serious, but try to put yourself in my shoes and think about how devastating it could be for one stupid action to cost you a close friendship as well as professional relationship. I was freaking out, I value both relationships way too much

Wdym?

I would but I’m not ready for commitment and he’s not someone that will ever do anything casual, plus our work relationship and friendship is too valuable in my mind to risk things going sideways

Our talk went well, he still maintains that he doesn’t remember going to bed, I detailed the talk in a comment somewhere in this thread, big ole wall of text

I’ve been groped twice during what you would consider innocent cuddling so I’m kind of sensitive to it, it didn’t pan out anything bad and we’re good now we are talk just understand that not everyone sees everything is so innocuous

To be fair, a lot of times when you’re dating someone for a while, you know what it’s gonna look like to indicate that they’re getting sick, I’ve never seen John The‘s truck so it had me a little worried

I feel you, let’s break up as one of the few times in my life I did feel lonely and god what a terrible feeling, specially shitty if you’re used to being alone most times like usually I love my independence but God does it suck after a break up and that’s the first thing I think about when I get to a relationship like God if this doesn’t work out it’s gonna suck so bad

Yeah no you’re absolutely right, it does make dating new people a little bit weird because all my friends are men. However, usually I will stay on the couch, only in certain circumstances will I not. For example, when my friend moved in with new roommates, a bunch of people sit over after a party on the couch and I didn’t feel comfortable with sleeping with strangers, so we made a pillow wall and I slept in my friends bed for his offer.

Honestly the more I analyze the situation, the more I realize that somethings amiss, the more we all got goofy and drunk with his family, more touchy he was in the more flirty we were and he was definitely getting close to my face while talking to me, I think drunk me got the offer to watch a movie in his bed which is much more common amongst friends, and when the offer came that I could stay in the bed I was like sure

Oh my god that’s horrifying

Posted an update in a comment

I mean I’m over my ex in the way that I have closure and I no longer Pine for him like if he asked to get back together I wouldn’t even consider it, that’s saying a lot because I would take him back in a heartbeat a couple months ago. I have had sex a couple times with one person since the relationship and I’m definitely ready sexually to explore new people, however I am not over how my ex broke my trust and became a completely different person before ghosting me all together. The way I feel is this is the second time I Heartbreakers end it in a way that I was left extremely confused and devastated and they were the two closest relationships I’ve had, so if someone that I was able to love and trust more than anybody can betray me, then like it’s gonna take me a while to be able to trust again

So I’m not doing that shit when I’m in a relationship, this is a close friend and I don’t know if that’s how I am as a person or of the area I live in, but pretty common for us, like my boss is one of my closest friends, I know his wife and kid, I take care of his dogs, he let me his truck for vacation and like I spent holidays with them, same goes for my other best friend and the only reason I haven’t met his family is because they live in Florida. There are very few people in a few circumstances where I would share a bed with them but they come up, i’ve never had many girlfriends but when I do this is a commonality so I’m not treating my opposite gender friends any different, the situation is a little unique though because there’s obviously something weird going on here

So I would be fine with doing something like that, however I’m absolutely nowhere ready to do that and most of my relationships end pretty catastrophically, I haven’t figured myself out enough to hold it down, no matter how slow I go with someone or how mature and communicative I try to be with some And a matter how deeper connection is. If there are feelings there that I’m not recognizing yet, I am going to try not to act on them, we work together at two different jobs and I really don’t want to put that working relationship in jeopardy. I also don’t think we would be sexually compatible, he’s very reserved and even talks about sex in a way that cracks me up like he’s very matter-of-fact and alludes to stuff but never directly says it where I am vulgar and love it dirty

He told me his mom kept coming up and whispering like “she fits in so well” since it was my first time meeting most of the family there. I’m boisterous as fuck so parents tend to enjoy the fact that I don’t shy away from conversation

I have no clue. I updated in a comment above, you’ll see it’s a wall of text but basically pretty anticlimactic

I’m not even remotely ready to be in a relationship again and he is very much not looking for casual, he’s never liked casual flings

Wouldn’t let me update so here’s it in a comment

TL;DR FOR THE UPDATE BELOW: pretty anti-climactic we asked at our feelings and didn’t say anything to her directly but agreed that we both enjoyed ourselves and that it was very intimate and that we’re good

Update for those who asked: he bought me lunch and we sat in my truck eating, just shooting the shit like we normally do and I asked him to come to the dump with me because I could tell he was stalling and also needed help at the dump lol.

Some one here asked why I didn’t initiate the conversation, because I did the first time around and he wasn’t ready to talk about it and so I let him take his time.

eventually on the way back from the dump he kind of just was like “so… What’s up?” And I was like “well I’ve said my peace and you needed some time for the dust to settle” so then I let the silence go on for a little bit waiting to see if he can come up with some thing and I could tell he was struggling so I told him something true, but not necessarily some thing you need to say, just to kind of warm him up and what I said was “I’ll be be honest, when it comes down to brass tacks it was a really nice night it’s very nice to be held by another person that you trust and respect.” He agreed and was like “is there something going on is what I’m trying to figure out?” And I told him I honestly didn’t really know, like objectively he’s attractive but I did go through a break up that he knows about and so I tend to do stupid shit after a break up and I cited a guy that I was seeing casually that I jumped into a little too quick and I realize we are in a match and I had to awkwardly break that off. He knows about this guy and my qualms.

We parked and kind of just went back-and-forth about how we feel, I started with that no matter which way either of us is leaning, we both know that this would be a risk and I’m not willing to compromise for a friendship or working relationship cause you’re both really good. I told him that I’m not really sure it’s a tossup if I feel anything and even then I don’t trust my own emotions right now as I’m in a vulnerable place, he said there wasn’t really necessarily something going on with him but it also wasn’t necessarily something not going on with him if that makes sense? I apologized again and told him I’m sorry that I did that and he pretty much said it was mutual like I might’ve just been feeling that way because I felt weird and didn’t know what to make of the situation it was freaking out and not thinking logically

I mentioned that we’re both in our mid 20s and maybe it’s a little juvenile for me to be so worked up about this but our feelings are valid we both felt weird and didn’t know how to handle what was otherwise a good night, so obviously something was up. His discomfort was the same as mine, we woke up and we were cuddling and we were kind of just like what the fuck is happening. He doesn’t remember going to sleep whereas I remember watching the movie and falling asleep however he does vaguely remember at the very least inviting me to watch the movie in his bed. He said he didn’t have problems and I didn’t need to apologize because I was drunk and when he sobered up, he didn’t kick me out and wanted to continue to cuddle but admitted that we might’ve been making a big deal out of it cause it was very intimate and sexually charged at times but we agreed like let’s stop freaking out let’s let the dust settle we didn’t fuck everything‘s gonna be fine we just need to reign ourselves in a little bit.

Dealing with his mom really him is a whole Nother issue and I don’t I’m not gonna be subject to that thank God 😂 I can’t wait to hear what awkward questions she asks him

I normally would but I’m the one who initiated the initial conversation and he was pretty caught off guard so I’m going to let him open up when he’s comfortable. We’re on our way to the dump to empty my pickup

In my car rn, he hasn’t brought anything up yet

I think I replied to you before, but that is the purpose of this post. I am trying to work through whether or not I crossed a line or I’m over reacting, since things like cuddling or hugging can seem so inconsequential and juvenile to people. I felt I crossed a line and wanted other opinions so thank you for that perspective. We’re having lunch at his request in about an hour so we’ll see.

Lmao

Hi, yes that’s what I find troubling and question about this situation. Thank you for pointing out what I was trying to gauge with this post, rather than other commenters who are like “just fuck already”

You guys are at either end of the spectrum. There is fluidity with physical touch when it comes to consent, it’s part of the reason I posted this. I can’t figure my way out of the gray area. The OG commenter was right in that it seemed relatively mutual at surface level, you’re right in that there is a gender bias and the comment section may be different if roles were reversed.