You are directing righteous rage too narrowly. You are willing to try to hurt this person yet showing grace and acceptance to your bf.

This makes you arbitrary and likely just enables you to keep some relationship going that you know should be ended.

There is no gentle way to go through his laundry list of missed personal care.

He has all sorts of funk going on- so you have multiple issues here.

If you want this, you are going to have to tell him the truth. Perhaps you approach it a bit more indirectly and express it as preferences like...

"Not sure if you notice, but I always make sure to shower and smell good for you...I love it when my guy smells fresh and clean too...."

But I will be honest. I think either he is incredibly lazy and shortsighted or he was completely failed at being raised to care for himself. I am not sure simple relationships will motivate this dude to make huge, meaningful changes.

Well, if you are going to stay with this treat, obviously rationalizing and reason isn't working with her.

Perhaps you ought to say, "You know what, after what you shared, I realized it just isn't worth reconnecting with an old girlfriend and I am not going to".

then end the damn conversation.

If she keeps festering, you have a hella insecure bedbug there

Maybe it is time you put your cards on the table and tell her this is a problem for you and you want to take more proactive steps to address this...would she consider...

a) medication to increase libido

b) sexual therapy to explore other ways to be sexual and satisfied

c) a marriage encounter or retreat to reestablish the importance of intimacy (not necessarily sex)

or else you need to look at:

a) medication to decrease your libido

b) sexual therapy to be happy with less noogie

c) a marriage encounter or retreat to find other ways to be intimate that don't involve sex

Before I answer, are you still with the bf?

Then your choice is to be direct and definitive about it. "This works for me and I don't find your arguments persuasive."

Soap opera aging

no red flags here

bf of 3 months....

nope, nothing to see here, move along, move along

It strikes me that these are superficial relationships that you are equating to love or loving feelings.

You don't know these women. You only see a glimpse of their life.

These women do not know you. They only see a glimpse of your life.

Therapy is a good start.

Oh ffs.

who the hell encouraged people to get stds

get off your soap box and stop your moralizing to WOMEN only

Well, wait and see how sincere HER apology is.

False

All of it

you are sex shaming shame on YOU

Unfortunately once the dick dips in, it is too late for second thoughts.

Perhaps another way to look at it, is a few moments of eye rolling worth possibly fracturing your relationship?

Hm. That is bit of a cop out. It may be your personality. But you can do things to compensate for it. It just requires hard work. CBT. Otherwise, you will find yourself far more alone than you wish to be as people grow tired and burnt out from dealing with the personality.

I think you are giving a lot of people credit for thinking about this a lot more than they really are going to. That may be the narcissism in you eeking out- where you think everyone is in tune with (or you wish they were in tune with) your line of thinking when they really have no fucking clue what a wolf means.

No. I am 53. People are in the 100s by the point they die. It is all relative. I had a bunch of dudes when I was younger, but settled into a very long, monogamous marriage.

And people do take care of their bits with testing.

5 months is soon tbh.

Girls don't want guys like that anyway. Most of us have figured out it is a bunch of sexist tripe trumpeted by low-sexually performing men.

Maybe it is time you stop waiting for things to happen and you make them happen for yourself.

Your husband has turned out to be a cheater and lazy manbaby. You gave up your interests for him.

Start taking those interests back. Get a job as a Uber driver or do door dash to start making some money for yourself. Sketch out a five year plan for yourself. "In five years I will have my own place, my own job and freedom to do what I want". Then work backwards. A place of your own may take time. Maybe the house has to be sold and the equity has to be split. Maybe things will be tough financially, but that will be less of a problem then living whatever it is that you are living with now.

No doubt in my mind that meaningful change has to come from you. You might as well make self-centered plans because elevating you is not his priority.

Do you have a cooperative extension nearby? Mine offers plants, shrubs and trees and local advice.

All he is receiving is that he put in all that effort and you nagged him about a tip he felt he could not afford to pay.

However, it would irk me too. I find it mortifying to be out with a cheap tipper and often throw an additional five or something when they aren't looking. I also don't go back for a second date if they are that cheap.

I think you need to let it lie for a day or so before bringing it up that you feel he is a lousy tipper and you would prefer less outings and more reasonable tips to go with them.

I see, and the friend with the FWD is doing the restaurant and shops driving?

I agree with others that if you have snow tires and as long as the driver is prepared for sudden changes on the roads, you should be fine. Personally, I am paranoid about snow driving and have a 4wd- but that is just me.

Depends. Even main roads can be tricky in mountain areas. On the low side, roads are clean and clear, but as you elevate you get snow bursts and clusters of bad roads, black ice and slush.

It isn't exactly a urban area either- things are spread apart. I am not sure the public bus is going to get you where you want to go at all times.

Two middle names?

Easy. Get headphones, download zoom and go for a walk. Explain to counselor what you have to do to get privacy. They will understand.