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Flat_Insurance_6170 t1_j5ni391 wrote

?? I was expecting him to be an actual psychopath. You are both troubled but none are psychopaths.

608

whatevernameidk t1_j5pha53 wrote

Same. Kept waiting for a plot twist which never came, now I'm confused af. I actually find the lady a bit worse? 🤔 I mean she started the drama and ended it, dude went along and well he has his faults but oh well none of ma business

154

Snookn42 t1_j5vib33 wrote

Theres some BS here.. this story would not have been 'closed' Each side did something wrong and immature, and the girl is a bit worse

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vj4bw wrote

Are you just crying that she was doing consensual non monogamy? She even was open about it till he was uncomfy and broke things off with her, she did nothing

−4

kdavis37 t1_j5pqeew wrote

How on Earth is "I'm a lesbian and don't want to be with men" followed by being manipulated for years worse? Because she told him repeatedly she's unhappy and wants to be with women?

−90

wildrussy t1_j5ps617 wrote

>"I'm a lesbian and don't want to be with men"

"But I want to stay with you, and I can't stand seeing you with other women. So I'm going to sleep around, but you stay loyal."

I think the guy might be slightly worse here, but keeping him on the hook while exploring her sexuality was pretty scummy.

I imagine that's what most are objecting to.

80

Mogioeki t1_j5q7en3 wrote

In his story he said he got her to agree to stay. So it was more like she didn't want to hurt him, so she made a choice she thought would work for him, because it was his idea. Then he found out it didn't work for him. Clarified if it was a two way street, and then hurt her on purpose by paying someone to have sex with him. Guy is worse, but not a psychopath. Just doesn't know how to communicate and makes very poor choices to get his point across.

−8

random8002 t1_j5s37pn wrote

.... she couldve just left with christina if thats what she really wanted??

39

CentralAdmin t1_j5sbt2i wrote

Bingo. Why are some posters going to extreme lengths to remove all accountability and agency from someone who could have said no and moved in with the person she actually wanted?

What did she expect would happen?

Flip the genders and think if a wife sleeping with other men while her husband fucks his boyfriend would be met with as much ire, or if people would be implying the husband did her a favour by staying with her so as not to hurt her feelings.

22

TheDevilsJoy t1_j5wa2x2 wrote

When did she say “I am unhappy and want to be with women.”? She said she wanted to explore with Christina but didn’t want to break up… explain please

1

SugisakiKen627 t1_j5pokyh wrote

OP just want clarification that she is not the asshole, instead faced with realities from mature comments here...

It is like both should communicate things much better from the beginning, thats all

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[deleted] t1_j5v244p wrote

[deleted]

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vj92s wrote

Consensual non monogamy? Homie you’re just crying about polyamory at this point, which was openly communicated, you’re just insecure

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5viyes wrote

So the bf hires someone to make them jealous on purpose out of manipulative spite, and you’re calling her a psychopath too because she did consensual non monogamy?

−2

Flat_Insurance_6170 t1_j5w5myz wrote

I guess your reading skills aren't so great huh?

0

HopOnTheHype t1_j5wapkx wrote

You didn’t provide an argument, you’re just an incel like the original op guy

1

ExoticButters79 t1_j5wd9xc wrote

Lol you learned a word now think it applies to anyone who doesn't agree with you.

2

HopOnTheHype t1_j5xmmk4 wrote

Concept of story: They agreed to polyamory, she was discreet with it to keep him from getting insecure, he got insecure and small dick about it anyway, hired an escort to abuser style manipulate her like a sociopath, she felt uncomfy about how he was parading the girl in front of her, fell for the abuser manipulation tactics, had an emotional argument, and then agreed to monogamy.

That's what happened.

You're defending this

You're defending this because you relate more to the abuser than the victim, you're an insecure guy who thinks he got his revenge or something, you're incel asf.

1

ExoticButters79 t1_j5zxa4q wrote

To call her a victim is a gross overreach. Stop pretending everyone is a victim

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j60nggn wrote

Guy broke the boundaries of their polyamory, guy hired an escort to manipulate her like an abuser

1

ExoticButters79 t1_j60oe85 wrote

Sounds like you need to mature a little. It yoursepf

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j60r2vo wrote

I need to mature because I think it’s manipulative and abusive to hire an escort with the sheer purpose of my one’s partner jealous? That’s like textbook manipulation, you’re defending it cuz you are an abuser too tbh

1

ExoticButters79 t1_j60sokf wrote

Lmfao no kiddo. I'm not even defending what either of them did. In my original response to this I called them both out for what they are and have done. I am simply pointing out your overreaction. Which is exactly what you are doing. You are a career victim. Stop finding victims hood in everything.

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j60t5qk wrote

Honestly at this point you’re just defending narcissistic manipulation by an abuser and conflating it equally to her being uncomfy about him doing the polyamory openly in front of her, which is stupid. At this point he could beat her, And you’d conflate it to her being upset about it, and say she’s being a professional victim. You’re just sus lol

1

ExoticButters79 t1_j60xtjb wrote

Just because you use big words doesn't make you smarter

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j6103vm wrote

Holy shit, you’re just cry bullying me rn because you can’t argue against my point. Literally there is no way to justify his actions as anything but manipulation, which is abuse, you’re smelly for trying and failing to defend that

1

Bm7465 t1_j5n2q60 wrote

Honestly? It just sounds like you guys created a messy situation for yourselves. You continued into a non monogamous relationship being the only one “fully” invested in going down that route and he intentionally deceived you as revenge.

You have a child on the way. Now isn’t the time to play “who got more Reddit downvotes”.

Move on and build a relationship on grounds that actually work for both of you or separate and commit to being the best parents you can be. Either way you’re about to have a responsibility to another human life.

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gonzoes t1_j5rkklk wrote

Yeah its not even that bad they both agreed they wanted to see each other. Yeah the husband did it a shitty way but hell man people make mistakes. Dude just really sounds like he loves her and is absolutely sick of seeing her have a relationship with another person and doesn’t know how to communicate that and did something really stupid but i mean it did show OP what it felt like so in a way it worked

39

lolgobbz t1_j5sajcb wrote

I do not think people who communicate this poorly are going to have a healthy relationship- especially for the child.

13

gonzoes t1_j5sitlx wrote

People learn from mistakes and can change to be better people maybe they will read a lot of these comments and introspectively look at their relationship

3

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vjlq7 wrote

This is the type of shit that justifies abuse and rape culture, you’re part of the problem, She did nothing wrong and he was dangerously psychopathic

−2

gonzoes t1_j5x37eg wrote

She was fucking someone else . He fucked someone else… they both realized they dont like seeing each other fucking other people case closed chill out

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5xmuca wrote

Did you not even read the story or?

The concept she is upset about is that he paraded her in front of her, while she was discreet about it (while still being open) to help avoid him from being jealous/insecure. Even without the concept that he did an abuser manipulation on her, he's already being gross about it.

She didn't have a problem with him fucking someone, she had a problem with it happening in front of her, and she lived by the same standards.

1

gonzoes t1_j61h3zl wrote

Yeah i read it but that is utterly ridiculous to call him an abuser manipulator for walking the girl our in front of his significant other. Its not like he made her watch them have sex in the same room. You’re acting like he physically forced her to watch them which is not the case he made a bad judgment to help her realize how he felt

Even though She didn’t do it where he could see it’s obvious to tell that even her going to leave the house affected him just as badly as it affected her thank you locked her out of the house

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j61m9mz wrote

He literally hired an escort to parade her in front of her ex to make her jealous so that she would comply to his demands, and broke their good faith polyamory by doing it openly while the girlfriend was keeping it discreet for his sake. He got insecure and manipulated her by hiring an escort to make her feel bad. Homie you defending this sus shit is just you going mask off, Just say you relate with the abuser and would do something psychopathic like that. Even his own version of the story Made him look like an abuser, can’t even imagine what else he puts her through. This isn’t an uwu little thing, this is full psychological abuse.

1

gonzoes t1_j61u3cl wrote

Not going to even argue with you. Youre so far wrapped up in the abuse thing, like its all black and white and like you have all of their relationship story laid out infront of you

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j65evkj wrote

I don’t know what to tell you if even his version of events made it clear he was manipulating her in the relationship. You’re being very smelly and defending abuse, and it’s pretty in your face abuse. You don’t have an argument, sorry you’re just on the wrong side of morality here?

1

gonzoes t1_j65y7vl wrote

No you’re just a person who cant see other than black and white. It was only manipulation if he didn’t admit he was wrong which he did. Your definition of abuse is obscured very heavily by hive mind all knowing reddit. And you have no argument except screaming bloody murder. Look how many upvotes i got… youre downvoted it should clearly tell you something. Maybe you were a victim of real abuse so you have ptsd or something which would be valid

1

arggggjai t1_j5rhwn8 wrote

Messy situation or extra time on reddit? I'll choose more time on reddit. In the factual sense they are both impulsive. No sense in getting caught up on some "Every Day" shit. But very sound analytics.

5

jmmixed t1_j5rvdga wrote

Do the child a favor and split up now and focus on the child's future. The days of this being about you are over, and this should be a really good thing for you both.

4

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vjsas wrote

They should break up with him though, stop trying to tell an abuse victim to stay with their abuser

1

dinozero t1_j5vu72r wrote

What did he do that was so abusive other then get laid so she could see it? She’s the one that decided she wanted him so badly she didn’t want anyone else to have him.

2

HopOnTheHype t1_j5w2chl wrote

He psychologically manipulated her and ruined the polyamory, she was keeping the girl out of the house and doing all that, he hired someone to do the walk of shame timed to her being there. He broke the boundaries and good nature of the polyamory, and also did a genuinely narcissistic abuser tactic.

2

jmmixed t1_j5w137k wrote

Why are you bombing every response? Your comment doesn't relate to mine.

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5w2lbn wrote

You talked as if she should put up with it and just stay in the relationship, I said that’s a bad idea, he’s an abuser. She can either get an abortion or have the kid in a two family scenario where they outright will probably end up with 4 parents

0

jmmixed t1_j5w2rqi wrote

You must have been replying to someone else.

2

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vjd23 wrote

He said it was fine, she said he could be with others, he could have left at any time, she was open about it

0

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vjggj wrote

Also no, don’t continue the relationship you psychopath, she should hard leave that danger

0

starkmatic t1_j5rtq6c wrote

NYC is such trash. This kinda stuff always happens there with some of the dumbest people

−6

Xlh883dragster t1_j5n4kmy wrote

TBH—This wasn’t as bad as I was expecting based on the intro. Sounds like both of you have some issues to work out, and you both have a certain level of culpability in the situation. The whole hiring an escort was a major, major dick move, but other than that it doesn’t seem like he’s a psychopath (at least based strictly off his posting). Maybe insecure, jealous, confused, and very immature, but not exactly a psycho. The kid will complicate your life immensely, so I would recommend you both do some very serious soul searching and figure out if you want to put in the effort to make things work. Have an open and honest discussion about it. I wish you both the best of luck, hope you figure things out. Cheers.

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Old_and_tired t1_j5nb5ou wrote

I am SOO relieved that I'm not the only one thinking this.

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PurpleDancer t1_j5rmtel wrote

What was the dick move about hiring an escort? If he found a willing partner to do the exact same thing without monetary exchange would it have been less bad?

9

Xlh883dragster t1_j5ro3no wrote

“Looking back I just wanted to hurt Amy” - Thats why it was a dick move.

24

PurpleDancer t1_j5t5t7b wrote

Ok. So it isn't about her being an escort or not, it's about the intended impact?

2

ilovemybrownies t1_j5o513e wrote

He was willing to lie about some big things. Didn't even admit until later he did the escort thing just to hurt her. How can you have an open and honest discussion when one party can't even be fully honest with themselves?

−51

Ek0sh t1_j5p5cd9 wrote

So, the man is a horrible person and a psychopath because check notes he fucked a woman after a year of his wife basically being in another sentimental relationship.

The fact that he paid the woman makes stuff SOOOO different.

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ilovemybrownies t1_j5paeca wrote

Never said he was a horrible person or psychopath. I said you can't have an honest conversation with someone who can hardly be honest with themselves.

−21

Upstairs_Collar2392 t1_j5pqdpl wrote

You literally say he’s a psychopath in your comment below and the one you deleted lol

13

ilovemybrownies t1_j5qaooa wrote

I said a comment reads like it was coming from a psychopath. Not that the dude in the story is one. Reading comprehension dude.

−13

ConstipatedGoku t1_j5o8sjs wrote

The fact that you think you’re much better than him is astonishing. You both have a lot of growing to do….if you guys plan on keeping the child I’d suggest couples counseling quick or break up and figure out a healthy coparenting relationship…

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CortexRex t1_j5p798w wrote

This is messy from both of you. I don't see why you think you are the good guy here

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aim_so_far t1_j5pm2ht wrote

Lol this whole relationship is stupid

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[deleted] t1_j5v3awo wrote

[deleted]

5

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vk4wd wrote

Homie what? Did you even read the story? He hired a prostitute to time it out to make her jealous, that’s deranged and abusive. She even was like “okay” about it too, so you can’t even claim she wasn’t solid with the polyamory. He did psycho shit, she did healthy polyamory with open consent

−4

joopityjoop t1_j5vp7k5 wrote

"Healthy polyamory" LMFAO

3

HopOnTheHype t1_j5vp9yy wrote

Yeah. Just say it like it is, you’re massively insecure. You see yourself in the creepy guy

−2

cobaltaureus t1_j5w584o wrote

If she didn’t want him fucking other women…shouldn’t have opened the relationship. The sex worker was definitely skeevy, but c’mon.

1

HopOnTheHype t1_j5walgl wrote

Her problem was doing it in front of each other, not that it happened, also she’s now made aware that he’s a psychopath who was manipulating her like an abuser

0

Tuga_Lissabon t1_j5ppkl0 wrote

What a shitstorm.

He was an asshole in wanting to hurt his GF, but from my point of view, the GF opened that door. And yes, he was an asshole in the way he did it because he knew exactly what would hurt the most - younger and more beautiful. But it was one time he did that hurt, and he'd been taking it for a while. It adds up.

I don't see psychopathy in this, at all; rather someone who's been hurt by someone whom he loved, who's taken it for quite a while and needed to lash out. He shouldn't hurt someone whom he's supposed to love; but he shouldn't be deliberately hurt by someone that's supposed to love him back.

Can't help but feel he did it right - in her face, and with a woman that would make her alarm bells ring all over and force her to face the consequences.

As for the GF - quite selfish in the way she did it. She wanted her comfort, bills paid, the whole thing, and don't tell me she didn't know he was hurting and she was taking advantage of his willingness to suffer to keep her.

It is also very telling that once she felt *that* pain, she immediately wanted to stop it. So - it was ok for him to be miserable, not her. He was an asshole - but that's what it took for him to get some consideration for his pain.

Frankly, hurting back because one was hurt ranks lower in the asshole scale than hurting someone because one can get away with it.

I hope for that poor baby they get their shit together.

122

akillerofjoy t1_j5o7k3y wrote

Lady, your introduction and description of the guy and his post is so far off base, it is mind blowing how you expect to be taken seriously. Between the two of you, it’s not him who’s showing disturbing tendencies. Ugh..

108

Coctyle t1_j5p8j3d wrote

I find it very unlikely that “pretty much every single post called him an abusive asshole”. It’s funny how that isn’t happening in this sub.

42

nescko t1_j5u1dgm wrote

Bro honestly. Even OP’s name is dogging on this guy “marriedtoapsychopath” lmao. She wants so badly for her husband to be mentally deranged to give her the excuse of blaming everything on him. Meanwhile from her husbands post it just sounds like he was cheated on, couldn’t handle it emotionally because he loved her so much and didn’t know what to do, so continued to let her cheat, opened the relationship so he could still be with her and she can be happy but at some point couldn’t handle being cheated on anymore so resorted to drastic and more immature measures to try and show her how much she’s been hurting him by hurting her the same way. The poor fucking child is the victim in this situation

6

TheUrPigeon t1_j5pp829 wrote

tl;dr Another pair of gumbies tries out polyamory, gets what they asked for.

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jstacko t1_j5nq39s wrote

As others pointed out, you both have a lot of soul searching to do. Did he do a petty move by hiring the escort? Sure. But you both agreed to an open relationship - he went along with it for a year, knowing you were not just physical with this woman, but also emotionally invested in her. When the shoe was put on the other foot, you clearly did not like how it felt - so you both agreed to end that, and return to a normal dynamic.

You now have a child on the way. You two need to sit long and hard about your two options: move on and separate, but work to be good parents to your child, or stay together, work on moving on from this time in your relationship, and still be good parents to your child.

If you stay together, I'd recommend seeing a couples therapist, to help navigate these feelings - both those that lead up to the situation, the emotions of the situation itself, and the fall out.

70

dgarner58 t1_j5p9dbp wrote

i am waiting for christina's TIFU about how these two psychopath's dragged her down this path. /s

70

Ruzhy6 t1_j5pbksq wrote

This is something I need. Complete the trilogy.

18

ChiefPanda90 t1_j5rj4kx wrote

I can't wait for 14 years from now seeing the kid on r/insaneparents

5

Local_Economy t1_j5pb0ad wrote

I don’t really think he sounds that crazy. He did one spiteful thing while you were seeing your girlfriend, and has insecurities…about your girlfriend. You’ve told him maybe you’re a lesbian and not bi. What am I missing?

55

thevilestplume t1_j5nbl6q wrote

I mean is he a psychopath or is he playing with the cards you dealt him.

53

ilovemybrownies t1_j5o4r1w wrote

He's lying and manipulating with the cards he's been dealt. Saw it in the tea leaves for years that she was primarily lesbian and tried to convince her to stay unhappily with him to spare the pain of having to start over. What you just said reads like a psychopath

−46

Ek0sh t1_j5p4m6u wrote

Wtf you are saying. When did he lie or manipulate her. When did he tried to convince her she is not lesbian.

He agreed when she said she wanted other girls in the bedroom. He agreed when she fucking said she is gonna start seeing a girl. When he hired the escort, he didnt manipulate or lie, he just showed her the same thing she has been doing to him for a fucking year. And she was suddenly hurt?

This man is not perfect but he did literally nothing wrong for 10 years, that we know of based on this post.

25

KamikazeCoPilot t1_j5qxvzm wrote

>When did he tried to convince her she is not lesbian?

-----

>From the BF, paragraph 1, sentences 3 and 4:
When we first met she had a girlfriend and she was only with women before. It turns out we had a spark and I was able to talk her into ending it with her girlfriend and start seeing me.

Yes...he convinced her to end it with her, then, girlfriend with the sole intent of getting OP to date him. JS

Other than that, I agree with your assessment.

−4

Ek0sh t1_j5qzci6 wrote

Ah, didnt know talking someone into leaving his partner is the same as talking him into a different sexuality.

See this is the problem. Everything here is carefully worded to pity the woman and judge the man as a monster. But the actions themselves that he did are almost noble.

11

WailersOnTheMoon t1_j5s0ac0 wrote

Not saying she isn’t a big part of the problem, but you shouldn’t poach a woman from a WLW relationship, who’s only ever been involved with women, and then get upset when she continues to love women. This is why I would advise him, being that he is 38 now, to not mess with women who are a lot younger and often don’t have that figured out. Especially since she was apparently only 18 when they got together…18 year olds don’t know shit, and the sink cost fallacy sets in before they figure it out. So many times I see people of both genders staying in relationships out of comfort or because they don’t want to rock the boat. I don’t think he is a monster at all but there could be an argument made for “idiot.”

−3

HyperRayquaza t1_j5tfu2k wrote

Always the man's fault...

2

WailersOnTheMoon t1_j5u00nn wrote

Ok, but I literally said she is a big part of the problem. Why do men here think the man can’t ever be part of the problem? I hope you don’t carry that attitude into your real life relationships.

−2

yunghellenic t1_j5q7afk wrote

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GUYS HAVE A KID TOGETHER?!?!?! Your relationship was this rocky, and you figured a child in the mix would help? Holy moly you need to get some therapy before this gets even worse.

41

KamikazeCoPilot t1_j5qy4p6 wrote

>figured a child in the mix would help

Looked more negligent than intentional to me. Unplanned vs planned.

8

mintBRYcrunch26 t1_j5tut60 wrote

Women still have some bodily autonomy. She chose to have the baby. Negligence or not, take some responsibility, geez.

0

drakoran t1_j5n927n wrote

Why in the hell do so many people think they can be in a committed relationship and fuck other people without creating jealousy, insecurity and resentment?

The vast majority of the time this shit never works out. Don't listen to people telling you how great open relationships are. They almost always end badly.

Be an adult and pick a partner who you like and are compatible with and stick with that person. If you start developing feelings for someone else then either cut that person out of your life if you are committed to your current partner, or end it with your current partner and go be with the new person.

38

ilovemybrownies t1_j5o5709 wrote

It's about talking honestly and doing the work (in the relationship and your own self) to lessen the jealousy.

3

Ek0sh t1_j5p4t6y wrote

You are the psycho.

He agreed when she said she wanted other girls in the bedroom. He agreed when she fucking said she is gonna start seeing a girl. When he hired the escort, he didnt manipulate or lie, he just showed her the same thing she has been doing to him for a fucking year. And she was suddenly hurt?

This man is not perfect but he did literally nothing wrong for 10 years, that we know of based on this post. Hes been incredibly respectful and open minded.

38

kdavis37 t1_j5pv1pi wrote

Are you fucking illiterate? Dude talked a lesbian out of an exclusive relationship with only women. The lesbian REPEATEDLY told him she was unhappy and wanted to be with women, while he continuously made her feel bad about it. Dude OPENLY ADMITS he couldn't get any dates, so he hired a hooker that was younger and more attractive than fiancee specifically to try to hurt her.

He's a fucking scumbag.

She's a coward for not leaving when she's into women, but he's ABSOLUTELY a manipulative scumbag.

−34

Ek0sh t1_j5px29b wrote

Ah yes the ancient man art of talking to a lesbian and making her leave her girlfriend for you. She is a crazy bitch and he hold there like a freaking saint. Whats the fuking problem on hiring an escort when you have the explicit consent of your partner and shes already been in another relationship for a year.

He didnt manipulate her. She noticed how harmful were her actions when she saw those same actions being made against her. She manipulated him into allowing an alternative relationship.

And what the actual fuck on your enfasis on him admiting he cant get dates (not actually what is in the post btw), what is the Big deal. You are in an open relationship but cant get girls? Why not hire a hooker? Where the fuck is the manipulation? Whats the difference if he found and actual date. Literally zero.

21

kdavis37 t1_j5pxn04 wrote

Dude, you can't even read or write.

What's the difference in finding someone you're actually interested in and hiring a hooker to purposely try to hurt someone? Are you THAT fucking stupid?

−26

Ek0sh t1_j5pxwpg wrote

Yes lets ignore some tiny winy details like she fucking have him permission and shes been doing that same thing for a year. Thats not relevant to the story. Fucking idiot.

19

MHMalakyte t1_j5q523s wrote

You're dumb. You can tell that English isn't their first language.

Looks like their Spanish is much better do you want to talk to them in Spanish?

I wouldn't be surprised if you're a closet racist tbh.

−1

JackTickleson t1_j5pvh3w wrote

Lol calm down

7

kdavis37 t1_j5pxi08 wrote

No. People are attacking someone who's been in an abusive relationship for years and you're all shit.

−17

JackTickleson t1_j5pzyg5 wrote

A strangers toxic relationship isn’t something your should get yourself all worked up over

13

ExoticButters79 t1_j5n692z wrote

You are asking reddit? You both are asking reddit for validation. There is your problem. Yall need to not get married and do some real growing up

36

lovetheoceanfl t1_j5pfhco wrote

Uhm, that guy is not a psychopath. Everything he’s feeling is natural. Even when he was acting out of resentment. That you somehow think you are better is very screwed up. Both of you are having a child. Get your shit together for the child’s sake.

31

The_Amoeba_King t1_j5ne77e wrote

Idk. Seems like you did this to yourself by opening the relationship up to other people. He slept with another woman just like you said he could and you didnt like that and the entire thing ended after you both agreed. It wasnt as hidden or seperate from him as you thought it was id imagine... it really seems like you both did it to eachother and it's still effecting you both.

This is something you shpuld both be talking to eachother about honestly. Rather than an internet forum

25

ZeroTicktacktoe t1_j5o6j42 wrote

You should have ended your relationship if you wanted to explore with a new partner. Him bringing a escort is the result of a chain of consequences of you not ending your relationship in the beginning.

16

HelloJessicka t1_j5q59gf wrote

I feel kinda let down as I was waiting for him to do some crazy stuff. Honestly you’re the wrong one imo but don’t get me wrong y’all both need to see a professional or break it off. You had what sounds like a man willing to bend over backwards for you and you took full advantage till he did the same you were and then you didn’t want to do it anymore. You almost had me feeling bad for you till I saw his post. You seem worse than him tbh but you know.. whatever.

14

divinexoxo t1_j5prjn9 wrote

You're the psycho not him. If you wanna les out break up with him. He deserves to be with someone that actually loves him.

13

CptGundorf t1_j5q8th2 wrote

Honestly, all of this is just a horribly shit and truthfully cringe evoking situation and a read.

First of all, you fucked up with this whole "Threesome" and "Open Relationship" horseshit which already is a massive fucking red flag the size of a country.

Then the whole being totally fine with it up until the point that you've actually seen the effects of your open relationship and asking for it to end immediately after. Just... a mess all around that could have EASILY been avoided.

The guy is far, far from a psychopath and honestly despite the gut punch with the escort, he... put up with quite a lot.

13

HyperRayquaza t1_j5r62ot wrote

Hiring an escort to hurt you is shitty, but if anything it's less serious than what you were doing. I mean, he paid money for a ONS, and you were emotionally and physically invested with another person for a whole year. Should he have been honest about his feelings? Yes. But that doesn't make him a psychopath.

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DanyRoll t1_j5q752f wrote

I was expecting him to be an actual psycho, yes, it was wrong to trick you with the escort girl, but it could be much worse , you haven't been perfect too, you expected him to be okay with you seeing another girl but as soon as he does it you're hurt and want to end it, you're both troubled but you can fix your marriage and build a relationship for your kid, I've seen couples come back from things 100 times worse than this

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WarXMT t1_j5p2u2m wrote

He's a manipulative asshole but I'm not sure this post makes you any better... I mean let's be honest here, he did get an escort on purpose BUT it was an open relationship. It shouldn't have affected you. The fact that you fought over it goes to show that you just wanted it to be one way. So like the rest of the reddit commentors, I suggest for you to grow up and figure it out for the sake of that child. You both chose this. That child didn't.

edit: fixed a grammatical mistake

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samwise_thedog t1_j5qklww wrote

Lord have mercy these two people are about to be responsible for a child together.

7

Ozzy_HV t1_j5r16wf wrote

You’re both incredibly problematic. His post seemed totally normal and he used some dumbass mind game to have a happy family with you while you simply expected for him to be ok with you exploring your sexuality with other people. Only problem was that you were getting fairly romantic with one person, you were emotionally cheating which is usually off limits for open couples. Albeit he’s a dickhead for trying to make you jealous but it obviously worked because you were ok with him fucking other girls so long as they weren’t as pretty as you. This is insane. You’re both insane.

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Potential_Country_66 t1_j5qhg34 wrote

Kept waiting for the psycho and it never came, he was just a jerk and tried to make you jealous while you had a side relationship for a year or so. The fact that it was in your face hurt you but you expected him to not be hurt by a romantic relationship of a year in which you tried to end things and say you were a lesbian? You can’t see any of your mistakes and blame him for everything. You both don’t know how to communicate and you were either cheating romantically or had no right to be mad about him banging anyone. Only you can do stuff cause it’s “hidden” even though he knows? 😂

6

FirstTimeLongTime8 t1_j5rrd95 wrote

You’re just as bad, if not worse. What makes you say he’s a psychopath?

5

mintBRYcrunch26 t1_j5tvsvy wrote

I actually think it’s quite compassionate of him to hire a sex worker. Rather than get emotionally involved with another person in this twisted situation y’all have created. I mean, at least there is only one Christina in this story.

5

nah-knee t1_j5qpkmb wrote

I thought he was gonna be like really evil or something, in reality you’re both a little fucked, I mean an 18 year old and a 28 year old should’ve never started dating. You two should definitely not be together and start focusing on your kid

4

KhaosElement t1_j5r9m0z wrote

You both have issues.

You both need help.

4

AtGamesEnd t1_j5ruez6 wrote

Honestly both of you sound like you contributed to a super unhealthy relationship. Like, super unhealthy. Both of you have a lot of blame on this, so I don’t think your husband is “the devil” based only on what’s listed here, but I’m sure there’s other things behind the scenes you didn’t include that he’s done. But to me it sounds like you both played a major part in this. You wanted to be with this other woman, but also stay with this dude at the same time, which is just so weird I can’t even understand it

Tl;dr: your husband is definitely NOT a psychopath, but you both have major issues and both equally contributed to the situation you’re in now. Seriously idk how you think you’re the good guy here when both of you made some incredibly stupid decisions

4

C-Kasparov t1_j5s27sv wrote

OP, people can grow and change. I (44m) was such more of an asshole at age 38 than I am today. It took and takes a lot of work ( reading books, choosing to value learning how I'm wrong over being correct, dropping judgmental attitude, etc). I'm a totally differently flawed dude today than I was just a few years ago.

I was worse than your fiance. Truth is he's insecure (like many of us) and operating under less than helpful narratives. So I think there's hope for him. But you're justified in whatever choice you make.

4

No-Judgment-4424 t1_j5tni3x wrote

Weird. His post is genuinely scared he’s going to lose you. He gave you a taste of your own medicine and he’s the bad guy for it??? No fucking way. OP, you suck for putting him through what you did. Make up your fucking mind and stop toying with other people.

4

TenTenwings t1_j5uiyle wrote

He doesn’t sound like a psychopath. He sounds like he was hurt and decided to hurt you back. Which is wrong but that doesn’t make him a psychopath.

You both made messy and selfish decisions.

4

changerofbits t1_j5qnmbt wrote

I mean, I understand why he got dragged, but it wasn’t because he’s a psycho. He obviously loves you OP, and that made him make two horrible decisions:

  1. He stayed the relationship when you asked for an open emotional and physical relationship with one specific person who was and still is (assuming Christina is the “friend” who pointed you to his post) a threat to your relationship with him.

  2. Doing something spiteful to you because he was hurt that you chose someone else.

But you made an equally horrible decision by not breaking up with him when you found out what he did. You too doubled down on a bad hand and decided to stay with him, and now you two have a child on the way.

My advice is to get individual therapy, and ask him to get couples therapy, to be able to functionally coparent the kid at least, and secondarily to figure out if you two can salvage a healthy romantic relationship (he also has lingering issues about what you want).

3

CuttyAllgood t1_j5qo084 wrote

You should start therapy now because it’s only going to get MORE difficult once the baby arrives. It’s not going to “calm down” as you said. Y’all need to start working on this ASAP or your child is going to suffer as a result.

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MsFrisi t1_j5s4d1y wrote

Did people really overwhelmingly say he was an abusive asshole? And if so which subreddit was this? Yeah, he did something to spite you because he was insecure about you seeing another woman that you were not only having sex with but had strong emotional feelings for and you telling him you may he a lesbian seemed to trigger a fear of you leaving him but I don't really see that as psychopathic behaviour. Is he jealous? Sure insecure? Definitely immature? Yes but I am not seeing a psychopath from that post. I mean the same feelings you felt seeing him with another woman, he felt all the time you were with Christina especially after you said you may leave him for her.

Edit: I will admit that him talking you out of your last relationship to be with him at the beginning was problematic and doesn't really make him seem like a great guy.

You two need to work on your issues because even if you break up at this point, you have a child to worry about now.

3

Inevitable-tragedy t1_j5sl85l wrote

Both of you are possessive of each other and self-centered and otherwise oblivious to the other person's needs. That's pretty normal tbh. It takes a few years of talking and hashing things out to get past that stage. Counciling is always a good idea. From what the guy said, I don't see anything abusive, only petty. From what the girl said, she just wanted what she wanted without really acknowledging the emotional consequences of an open relationship.

What should have happened was true separation while girl figured things out. Now there's a baby and, if she's responsible, that puts a full stop on exploring her sexuality. So long as she loves guy, (which staying with him despite being with someone else strongly implies,) there's little to no reason to break up the family dynamic and financial stability for the baby.

There are no psychopaths or abusers here, just 2 people figuring out love is difficult to navigate.

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PM_Me_Your_AM_ t1_j5ti6rx wrote

Y’all both have issues, but he isn’t a psychopath. Talk together and figure your shit out, or end it. Just don’t let the kid suffer , figure it out before then

3

HelloJessicka t1_j5r5syf wrote

I already posted on here BUT I’ve seen where people agree with OP about him being “manipulative asshole” and honestly I don’t see it. Looks to me she is, she took full advantage of someone .. had her cake and ate it too and he’s the manipulative one? Really, someone dumb it down for me cause I don’t see it.

2

jms14b t1_j5rmqgn wrote

Christina is the real one dealing with yours and your fiancés psychopathic asses.

2

toooldforreddit48 t1_j5rnc6v wrote

Yeh guys, sorry it’s time to be parents now. Reddit downvotes don’t matter.

2

HollowHowls t1_j5s3lrt wrote

He's not a psychopath though?

Idk why people would downvote him or trash him either?

Like, ya he did some mean dumb shit...but so did she...

BOTH of you created a fucking mess BOTH of you are dumbasses

BOTH of you need to get your shit together for your kid

You hurt him, he hurt you, move the fuck on.

Yall trying to make it a pissing contest over who is more right or more wrong or more hurt...

Guess what, your both idiots covered in piss.

2

arcerath t1_j5s5jur wrote

28 and 18 when you started dating…Sorry, but that’s such an obvious L. You should have more self-worth than that.

2

dtyler86 t1_j5s5yja wrote

The situation is definitely pretty fucked up, and I understand how he could be seen as manipulative, but you guys did invite other people into the bedroom by your initial choosing. It seems unfair that he got to enjoy threesomes and then turn it all around on you, but you guys sound like you should have either broken it off years ago or you’re both really in love fighting for the relationship. The last thing I would accuse him of is being abusive or being “the devil“.

2

Trigun808 t1_j5sa4tp wrote

I say hire Amy as your nanny. That will fix it all.

2

finchrat t1_j5svpql wrote

Wow not what was advertised. He's not a psycho. Revenge wasn't nice but you're the 2 timer. There will always be someone interesting, that's no reason to "investigate your feelings" with them. You totally deserved that even though I don't condone his behavior. Personally, I would have dropped you like a bad habit.

2

Corasin t1_j5tbql4 wrote

In my view, you're coming off very manipulative here. Sure, he hired an escort to hurt you....because he was hurting. You gave him the ultimatum of "I get to explore things with Christina or it's over." That's really fucked up. He probably felt that if he said that he wasn't okay with you seeing Christina then you'd dump him...it definitely reads like that with you already bringing that up. He seems like a regular, insecure guy that got fucked over emotionally by a female and now you are looking for people to tell you that it's okay to dump him for being psycho. He's not. You're manipulative and emotionally abusive. Let this poor man be. You've played enough games.

2

corky9er t1_j5twnh2 wrote

You guys are exhausting

2

rmunoz1994 t1_j5u8qjm wrote

Lmao, you make out your fiancé to be the devil, then i read his actual post…the escort part wasn’t cool, but sounds like you aren’t blameless in this situation and are making it out to be all his fault.

2

DangerouslyCheesey t1_j5un8oz wrote

Actually you sound pretty awful too. Please figure something out for the sake of your baby.

2

hooter1112 t1_j5us1bf wrote

Wait, what makes you better then him? You left your significant other at home to spend the night at another lovers house? You created the toxic situation

2

Hantelope3434 t1_j5vv5ps wrote

So you were allowed to spend a year exploring your sexuality and having a physical and emotional relationship with another woman that you would spend multiple days a week with and stay the night with weekly. Your boyfriend got understandably jealous and, with your permission, had a woman over to sleep with. Then YOU got jealous and said neither of you would sleep with other people. You came up with the rules. You were the only one in an emotional AND physical relationship. You both sound shitty, but calling him a psychopath?? Hardly.

Are you just mad you didn't get your way and this came back to bite you in the ass?

2

Darky821 t1_j5wdd8h wrote

The only thing I see that tips things towards her husband being worse is that he was a 28 year old man who convinced an 18 year old girl to break up with her girlfriend and date him. OP is a lesbian manipulated from a young age into a relationship with a man. Of course she's confused.

2

Hantelope3434 t1_j5ys9ei wrote

Ah yes, the teenager and late 20s age difference. You're right.

2

c0ltanheart t1_j5rmfii wrote

I mean, I would call him a hypocritical dick who is clearly insecure, but not a psychopath...... poly relationships are not for everyone, esp if one has jealousy issues and rampant biphobia...... y'all need couples therapy stat if you're gonna both be there to commit to raising this baby together, or your child will have the same issues

1

FirstTimeLongTime8 t1_j5rrmim wrote

From what I know about you, you don’t deserve any better.

1

Bmillybluntz t1_j5rv4hs wrote

These comments have me rolling🤣

1

Vo_Lair t1_j5rwqvs wrote

Ya so you are dramatic and also toxic. What he did was wrong but he is nowhere the level of crazy you described… and you’re not an innocent victim. As messed up as what he did was.. you kind of started it. Stop trying to paint yourself as an angel. It feels like a competition on who can get the most downvotes on Reddit. And yes you two should separate.

1

charminghaturwearing t1_j5sbfkp wrote

The hypocrisy and lack of self awareness is stunning. Glass houses get their windows shattered.

1

_sgadithya_ t1_j5uri1v wrote

finally.. finallyy.. this happened D

1

dickwestfront t1_j5uydjr wrote

It sounds like your baby daddy isn’t into open relationships. I don’t think his method for communicating it was on point, but he doesn’t sound like a psychopath from that post alone. At the end of the day, once you have that kid…you’ll realize that your life isn’t just about you anymore. The most important job you’ll ever have is to make sure that child has everything they need, including your unconditional love and a healthy, supportive environment to grow up in. You’ll figure it out. Good luck, soon-to-be mamabear!

1

mcfilms t1_j5v0ycy wrote

Ain't love grand!

1

transplantedRedneck t1_j5vdmo2 wrote

I bet this is embarrassing for you; I am sorry you are going through it, and in such a public manner. The worst thing he did IMHO was posting this online. The open relationship stuff was mutual. He obviously was seeking validation for his feelings and when he couldn't express himself completely to you, he decided to confide in reddit. People do stupid stuff when they really love someone; I think this qualifies.

1

joopityjoop t1_j5vpevt wrote

I recommend putting the child up for adoption because it's doomed with y'all as parents.

1

BickenBackk t1_j5vppff wrote

Psychopath is a bit of a stretch. I don't particularly like either of you. You calling him a psychopath makes you look worse imo.

1

cobaltaureus t1_j5w52z0 wrote

Girl, if you’re looking for sympathy, you aren’t gonna find it with stories like this. You sound insufferable, and honestly your actions were worse/equal to your husbands…

1

PrincessDie123 t1_j5wan0x wrote

Wow if he was that hurt by you having a third he should have told you that he wasn’t okay with it anymore. He cheated on you to hurt you instead of communicating his feelings and that’s not cool.

1

WailersOnTheMoon t1_j5riuk8 wrote

Another age gap relationship that turned out to be a complete train wreck. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

0

legolasvin t1_j5rm4i5 wrote

I think everyone kinda glossing over the fact that OP here was 18 when she met her fiance who was 28 at the time. Some of the stuff fiance has done is manipulative I feel. " It turns out we had a spark and I was able to talk her into ending it with her girlfriend and start seeing me " - I'm not sure that's exactly a green flag

" I wasn't even interested in anyone, honestly looking back I just wanted to hurt Amy. " - At this point OP's fiance is what, 35? 36? That's a fully grown man failing to communicate that he doesn't like this arrangement.

I'm not sure if psycho is the right word for it, but asshole definitely is

0

WiiWynn t1_j5v0d44 wrote

Christ what a dumpster fire. Like from every angle. Good luck to that kid. It’ll need it.

0

4_Legged_Duck t1_j5v7kcj wrote

I'm an open person in a poly relationship. Bi male, wife is bi. She tends to have more sexual activity (both men and women) than I do. We've been through all the various stages in something like a 15 year relationship. I want to share some thoughts here for OP.

YOU may be bi and have easier connections with women. YOU may be poly. It is common for new poly people to go through periods of jealousy and uncertainty and to struggle there. Open, sincere, and safe conversations can help folks through those stages.

Your partner, this guy, is incredibly toxic, controlling, and abusive. He's highly manipulative and predatory. This dude just reeks of red flags to me in his own words. What's possibly worse? He's completely unaware of those traits and will be resistant to changing them. "I just love her," is really the slippery slope many guys go down in their process of abuse. He made my skin crawl.

Yes, the triad period is fun! Threesomes, other hot chicks! Wow, Dear Penthouse Forums, I never thought it could happen to me! Really intoxicating and enjoyable. The problem is transitioning from there into a more private poly set up, where you also date this woman alone.

Just a brief aside, I'm adamantly kitchen table poly. I don't like dating someone I can't have around my partner. If she feels uncomfortable with us kissing, I'm less into the romance and connection. It's not that she has to like... want... to see that. But if I have my affection or connection it feels like I'm cheating. And this is the same for her. I've met her partners, we've had drinks/dinner together. I kiss her goodbye when she's leaving for a date. It was important for the health of our relationship and to establish feelings of security in each other. The notions of things feeling like they were hidden set off a lot of trauma and bells. But all folks are different in this regard. Some need it to be more hidden.

Yeah, you had a bad reaction to his time with the escort. But consider it was meant to give you that reaction. You reacted the way you were supposed to. And that's really screwed up to me. It's entirely different when you get eased into it, when it's something you're understanding, and done without malicious intent.

This guy is openly saying here that he's ensuring you're anchored and connected to him. He'll go to great lengths to make that happen.

I don't think you're an AH. I think you're confused. I think you made some poor, inexperienced decisions, but it doesn't sound like there was cruelty behind it.

You may not wake up and realize you're a lesbian. You may wake up and realize what he's doing to you... and what he'll do to your kid.

0

SmellyForeigner_4leg t1_j5z2kra wrote

Sounds like someone who is incapable of satisfying their partner. No wonder she needs multiple.

1

m4vis t1_j5pz83u wrote

Waaaay too many comments here glossing over the fact that when this girl was 18 years old, this 28 year old man talked her into ending her relationship to get with him (his words). Are you fucking kidding me.

Opening up their relationship was a messy, risky thing to do but it wasn’t morally wrong given everyone’s consent. But what is wrong, is hiring an escort to use as an emotionally manipulative scheme and lying about it.

This dude is a fucking creep and hiring an escort specifically chosen to wound her and make her feel insecure while playing out that scene is god damn psychotic.

−1

mxhc1312 t1_j5urljb wrote

Is this a joke? I can't see anything wrong with his demeanor. You, on the other hand...

−1

Pool_Party_Ziggs t1_j5q6yqb wrote

He lied and hired an escort to get revenge he is literally the definition of toxic he should of ended it if he didn't like it, plus he was getting threesomes. He sounds selfish AF leave his ass

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deadly_decanter t1_j5qp7rh wrote

No, OP. Today you fucked up by sharing the responses to your situation from a relatively progressive subreddit (AITD) to a very regressive one. There’s a reason most of us stay off of mainstream subreddits like this one, or AskReddit, or PublicFreakout, or whatever. Most minority folks don’t want to deal with dozens of 25-year-old white dudes giving their shit takes on situations that have nothing to do with them.

Notice how the majority of these folks have glossed over the fact that your ex-partner thought it was okay to coerce a teenager into a long-term relationship. They also pretended not to see that you were financially dependent on this much older person. These people genuinely believe there is no power differential between an almost-child and the 30-year-old man she is dependent on.

These people(men) would need an itemized list of every time he beat you half to death before they’d even consider calling him abusive. If you want support for anything less than that, you’ll have to go somewhere where the majority of the demographic doesn’t empathize with your abuser. I recommend r/TwoXChromosomes or r/actuallesbians for general support but I’m sure there’s more niche subreddits for the sort of abuse you suffered.

−9