I'm an open person in a poly relationship. Bi male, wife is bi. She tends to have more sexual activity (both men and women) than I do. We've been through all the various stages in something like a 15 year relationship. I want to share some thoughts here for OP.

YOU may be bi and have easier connections with women. YOU may be poly. It is common for new poly people to go through periods of jealousy and uncertainty and to struggle there. Open, sincere, and safe conversations can help folks through those stages.

Your partner, this guy, is incredibly toxic, controlling, and abusive. He's highly manipulative and predatory. This dude just reeks of red flags to me in his own words. What's possibly worse? He's completely unaware of those traits and will be resistant to changing them. "I just love her," is really the slippery slope many guys go down in their process of abuse. He made my skin crawl.

Yes, the triad period is fun! Threesomes, other hot chicks! Wow, Dear Penthouse Forums, I never thought it could happen to me! Really intoxicating and enjoyable. The problem is transitioning from there into a more private poly set up, where you also date this woman alone.

Just a brief aside, I'm adamantly kitchen table poly. I don't like dating someone I can't have around my partner. If she feels uncomfortable with us kissing, I'm less into the romance and connection. It's not that she has to like... want... to see that. But if I have my affection or connection it feels like I'm cheating. And this is the same for her. I've met her partners, we've had drinks/dinner together. I kiss her goodbye when she's leaving for a date. It was important for the health of our relationship and to establish feelings of security in each other. The notions of things feeling like they were hidden set off a lot of trauma and bells. But all folks are different in this regard. Some need it to be more hidden.

Yeah, you had a bad reaction to his time with the escort. But consider it was meant to give you that reaction. You reacted the way you were supposed to. And that's really screwed up to me. It's entirely different when you get eased into it, when it's something you're understanding, and done without malicious intent.

This guy is openly saying here that he's ensuring you're anchored and connected to him. He'll go to great lengths to make that happen.

I don't think you're an AH. I think you're confused. I think you made some poor, inexperienced decisions, but it doesn't sound like there was cruelty behind it.

You may not wake up and realize you're a lesbian. You may wake up and realize what he's doing to you... and what he'll do to your kid.