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ByakuyaKuchiki6th t1_iwbsfqo wrote

You're 19, you haven't missed the love of your life. She is better off without you though.

You need to do some growing up before you consider going into serious relationships.

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[deleted] t1_iwdnzxw wrote

[deleted]

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CJFelony t1_iwdzvfx wrote

Yeah, it sounds like the moment anybody said anything negative about her, he'd bail on the relationship, if he had one, anyways.

Definitely not the kind of person I'd want to be involved with.

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Shenanigamii t1_iwbtvn1 wrote

Good for her. For real, she doesn't deserve that.

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MacheteTigre t1_iwbugmd wrote

This is gonna sound harsh but good for her not getting stuck with someone who can't stand up for her.

Also you're 19. You're still very young and understandably immature. This is not the end of the world and I guarantee you that those six months will feel like a blip years from now when you're with the right person. You've learned an important lesson and the pain you feel now is growth.

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ExoticButters79 t1_iwbr612 wrote

Sounds like you have a while lot of maturing to do before you "date" anyone

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FluffFlambe t1_iweuj7s wrote

I read this a "a whole lot of murdering" and I was very concerned for a second.

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Fit_Dad_74 t1_iwc69ik wrote

Good for her.

Also, get better friends.

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kenlasalle t1_iwbv59t wrote

Take it from someone who has been there a time or ten, consider this a learning experience and move on. Life is not meant to be lived in rewind; you should always be moving forward. Take the lesson and move on with my best wishes for a bright future.

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freecain t1_iwbv71k wrote

Refers to women as "Female" hangs out with guys who call someone's girlfriend ugly to their face, broke up with a girl because of how attractive he thought other people found her, broke up with again because someone else thought she was weird.... Whoa, future incel here.

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trikristmas t1_iwcqpja wrote

He calls himself a male in the same sentence yet you pick that side huh. You know without the internet the issue around the word female wouldn't even be on anyone's horizon. Or without Reddit maybe more specifically.

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freecain t1_iwcyx7o wrote

That isn't any better, but Incels have a habit of using the term "female" in ways that just don't flow normally. Nothing inherently wrong with this, but it is a trend.

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trikristmas t1_iwd1lpb wrote

I guess I'd need examples but I'm sure women can be used the same way. All about the tone and context. Still, how does that relate to the present example?

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zialucina t1_iwdpfhw wrote

No. Woman is a noun that specifically refers to adult humans. "Female" is an adjective that describes physical sex characteristics of many millions of species from plants to animals, and even sometimes inanimate objects. Unless you say "female person" it's very, very dehumanizing outside of a clinical setting. Internet or no.

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trikristmas t1_iwdpvyw wrote

Ok, so why don't males get anal about it then? I'm male. Let me hear you say it too, male. I promise I won't get mad.

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zialucina t1_iwecc5o wrote

I don't hear men referred to as males very often. People usually just say men. That would bother me too if it was something in frequent use.

And most definitely there aren't a significant and vocal population of women who refer to men as males purposely to dehumanize them, so when it is used, it's more likely to just be seen as weird as an individual comment and not a cultural issue.

Btw I'm not talking about when someone identifies themselves like me (f45) and my partner (m41) kind of way.

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trikristmas t1_iwftthy wrote

Every police report says, a 6 foot male suspect... What do you mean you don't hear it much? Like this very post here, it said male and female and you were instantly triggered about the female aspect only. It was such a brief mention of identification. You say you're not talking about mxx, fxx, that's the only mention that this post had about it in its entirety. Problem is, I constantly see other women write posts and use the term female themselves who aren't bothered by it either. That dehumanisation part, do people writing it realise themselves they are doing that or is it just people like you who find it dehumanising? You're just saying every time someone uses the term they are being purposely dehumanising, nah I think they are just using words to communicate and you are the one saying they are being dehumanising.

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zialucina t1_iwh9yi3 wrote

My first comment explicitly excludes clinical contexts. Formal reports, medical studies and literature, etc are clinical.

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shorterthanyou15 t1_iwg73vg wrote

r/MenAndFemales

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trikristmas t1_iwg9d4y wrote

Yeah I know that sub. You'd only visit that sub if your intention is to feel offended. That's not part of my life experience any other time. I wouldn't get offended by simply using the term male or female in a generic context, but hey anyone is welcome to be offended by whatever. Doesn't mean everyone will agree to conform to that.

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joliver73 t1_iwcv569 wrote

Dude are you kidding me, literally almost every single post referring to a woman on this app mentions their age and the letter “F” All he did was spell out the letter.

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freecain t1_iwdbhkl wrote

It's just a common turn of phrase used by Incels. Not sure if you're oblivious to that, or just being defensive in the "not all men" vein of responses.

There isn't anything wrong with "females" as a term inherently, but it is a more clinical term and you find it a lot in really bad pick-up books. The choice of term is meant to dehumanize women (much in the way "girls" can often be used to diminish a woman's standing or accomplishments). It's not necessarily done intentionally, but it plays into a larger trend with the rest of his comment that this guy is pretty down the path to full blown incel.

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keprum1 t1_iwbv1uw wrote

Real relationships don't have anything to do with peer pressure. Your 'friend' called her ugly and instead of defending her you leave her. 100% good for her. She don't deserve a bf who acts like that

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fox76589 t1_iwc1ey1 wrote

You’re 19- you’ve not met all the people you’re going to love yet. Take some time to do some growing up, maybe get better people who are less judgemental around you and move forward with your life

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IanFoxOfficial t1_iwchlu2 wrote

Good for her she didn't let her tossed around like that.

Jezus Christ....

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Biohazard_186 t1_iwcr7tc wrote

Therapy. Right now. No, not for losing her. For your chronic lack of a spine.

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-Distinction t1_iweiixn wrote

Cor that comment made me oof in real life. You’re not wrong though

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valadrix t1_iwcoeyu wrote

You're kind of an asshole. I get it though. We've all made mistakes when it comes to dating. You need to stop caring about what other people think though. Letting other people control your life isn't healthy. I hope the guy she's with now treats her better than you did though.

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KcocNoisnetxeGib t1_iwbre1q wrote

Sucks but you’re gonna have to move on bud. May take awhile seeing how you’ve got that pent up anger/regret. Cheers to a smooth(er) recovery!

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MJGM235 t1_iwc485k wrote

Your friends and family are not you, they aren't living YOUR life. Their opinions are really meaningless in the long run. Life is short, do what makes YOU happy.

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kitty2167 t1_iwc9mrf wrote

Good. I hope this new guy treats her great and that you have just learned a valuable lesson on love, and allowing others to dictate your love life. I hope she's very happy and that you didn't cause her too much heart break.

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Cle3nfr33k t1_iwca5v6 wrote

You're young so as for being the love of your life I'm not sure this is it BUT I will say yeah this is on you. You treated her horribly and people aren't something you can pick up when it suits and drop. You listened to everyone else. On you. You chose your actions. Let the poor girl be. She deserves to be happy and with someone happy and not indecisive as fuck about what he wants.

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Daden_27 t1_iwcbbr5 wrote

Ive been there man but you're still young, you'll find other women you share a connection with. And not rub salt in the wound but it's a good thing you realize this was your fault once you realize your own behavior is problematic you can work to change it, I would recommend you really reflect on yourself and the person you are and ask what else you'd want to change about yourself that is the only way you can grow as person and become the man that you're supposed to be. Pain is the best teacher and regret is a close second now let go of the anger and work on bettering yourself so you'll be ready for the next relationship you find yourself in. Last piece of advice let this girl go, no matter what your heart tells you leave her alone. If the future bring you guys back together than it'll have to be her decision trying to force it or wait out her relationship is only going to prevent you from moving on an finding your true happiniess

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glxwvxn t1_iwclnuf wrote

Yeah it’s time to just move on dude. Good for her for moving on now it’s time for you to do the same. Also get new friends if you haven’t already and try not to let their options dictate how you treat other people. If you have friends who just outright call the person you are interested in “ugly”, you need to reconsider your friends and their motives.

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AnalogToTheFuture t1_iwdhxdx wrote

Put plainly-- you're 19 and unfortunately, us guys can have varying degrees of maturity issues and you're now having to confront yours. This stuff happens and it's not just you-- but it's up to you to make changes and learn how to develop into a man. Recognizing the difference between acting like a boy vs a man is ultimately your main FU, but you'll get there depending on how much struggle you want to deal with in the meantime.

A real man figures his feelings out and, while others may provide insight or perspective into a decision, a man makes decisions about his relationships thoughtfully and knowingly. When you've committed to a partnership, it should be between you and that other person; here, you gave away your ownership of that commitment and you followed the "herd" to your detriment.

The hardest thing to comprehend right now is that, in 10-15 years, that same herd likely will not be there. Dont be the follower in your group of boys-- it's a race to develop into being a man, so work on what you need to and develop those skills now instead of ending up a 30-40 year old boy. It's hard, but being ahead of that curve is the key bc those same friends will outgrow you if you don't. The "rules" will change drastically over your next 10 years, so don't get caught falling behind or more things like this will happen.

TLDR: yeah you F'd up-- prioritize growing into a man now, or risk being outgrown.

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GoldenV1nes t1_iwcdeu9 wrote

Sounds like you are an asshole. People like you never change. This girl deserves the world you deserve to be lonely forever.

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alwaysaly89 t1_iwcjctn wrote

No no help. You now have learned a valuable lesson. She deserves better than how you've treated her. She gave you multiple chances. Do you understand how shattered and heart broken she must've been? Then to deal with it again... I'm proud of her for moving on. Those aren't friends by the way. Or at least stand up and if they stop and apologize then understandable or if they were bringing up red flags.

Take this lesson and learn how to treat women you are getting to the age where dating habits stick. That's not one you want to stick or get used to.

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Haunting-Ad6222 t1_iwcjzt8 wrote

You should of listened to your heart and not your head or anyone else this is what happens you have to accept the fact she is happy and move on it hurts now but the second chance you should of taken that's on you if she was the one you wanted

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[deleted] t1_iwck7qj wrote

Similar events happend with me around the same age, my dad kept making fun of me for always dating "fat women" (even though he was fat himself). When he went to prison for 2 years i was able to finally work through my mental health and emotions and got back with my ex, who i had left for the same reasons as you, and now we have been together for over 6 years and we just got married last weekend. When you find someone you truly love and enjoy being with, don't let others tell you how to feel.

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awe018 t1_iwcuow4 wrote

You don't deserve her. She dodged a bullet.

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Demon_Fist t1_iwe0fuu wrote

Definitely the AH, she doesn't deserve what you put her through.

You need to grow up. No matter what anyone's opinion is, you either have to not let people's opinions bother you. Or you let them bother you so much, that you tell them to shut their mouths about someone you claim to love.

Idgaf who opens their mouth, if you are talking poorly about my partner I will tell you EXACTLY what I think of you. Could be my mother, father, or best friend. I see you and your flaws and I will start a fight. Watch how you talk about my person.

Your partner, ideally, is your person, the one who has your back and you have theirs.

If you can't do that for someone, genuinely, don't bother getting in a relationship.

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pogiguy2020 t1_iwe33uw wrote

I am sorry to tell you and to be the one to slide the knife deeper into that heart of yours, BUT you had your chance and let her get away TWICE.

So this is officially a TWICE IFU and you have learned your lesson. Time to move on since she found someone who makes her happy.

You are 19 and you have plenty of life ahead of you. You will meet someone else eventually and dont FIU this time.

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Qyro t1_iwcug84 wrote

Sorry, I got stuck on

>Fast forward to around November 2022

Which is just a really bizarre way of saying “the other day” or “last week” or “earlier this month”

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SethMalcolm1 t1_iwd2gih wrote

sucks for you. be better next time.

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Toka972 t1_iwd9sa5 wrote

Bro, you don't know what is love. If you did, you wouldn't have been influenced that much and so many times. No offense but your story tell me that it was nothing but a crush and now you crush on her again because you can't have her anymore. Story is as old as humanity, we all crave what we can't have. The other thing you story says is that you are spineless and you can't stand for yourself. You would rather blame your friends and family along with yourself when the reason they reacted this way was mostly because of YOU. A real partner will communicate his feelings and encourage the reception of your significant other by those around you who count. If you can't tell your family and friends why you choose her and what happiness she brings you, if you can't explain why she is worth getting to know, they will obviously forge their opinion on what they see - which is going to be an awkward situation because a first meeting is always awkward if there's no foreplay to establish relations.

You not only failed to stand for yourself, you also failed her by not making friends and family understand why they should be thoughtful about her.

You should consider that you aren't ready for any for of real relationship. Go out and have fun if you want, but try to mature a little before using words like love.

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bagdier t1_iwdcm58 wrote

you probably wont die alone if u got in a relationship once before. u good

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chipndip1 t1_iwddmsi wrote

The real fuck up is that you're insanely weak to peer pressure

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Moddaboy t1_iwdqgzh wrote

Time to move on my friend you had three chances and blew it cuz of someone else’s opinions. You’ll be fine :)

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__homiesexual__ t1_iwe03cz wrote

  1. Good for her, she deserved better.

  2. Get better friends.

  3. Gain some confidence and learn that your happiness matters more than your peers' opinions.

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075_Careful t1_iwe1bg6 wrote

Yeah man I feel for ya there but there’s no excuse for treating someone badly, just because of people around you. That’s on you, and it sounds like you have some maturing to do before looking into relationships properly

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Charming_Opening8282 t1_iwe444s wrote

Let her be. Don’t bother her. She’s deserves better and you know it. You’re both young…

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mildlycynica1 t1_iwe7y65 wrote

>This time I really thought that things would work out because I didn't care what anyone thought of her

You say that but you don't really know it to be true until you live it and actually make the choice.

Learn from this experience and be better in your next relationship.

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Lanky_Curve_9665 t1_iwegkon wrote

I feel like you should work on yourself before getting a girlfriend like you should really work on your mental health and make sure your in a good place to be in relationship because they don’t work out unless your happy. Your can’t truely be happy in a relationship if your not already happy with yourself!

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JasonTheCabbie t1_iwemnc1 wrote

Nah, kid, you're fucking dumb. You've jacked this girl around at least twice. Let her be with someone that might actually know how to treat her and not give your dumb ass a third chance.

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Majestic-Scale-1868 t1_iwf8tnu wrote

I hope you take this as a lesson to better yourself and stand up for your future girlfriends better...wtf

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VaderIsDaddy69 t1_iwkuqx0 wrote

Oh no, you saved her from dating you lol. Glad she blocked a spineless fuck like you

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