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_apatheticaesthetic_ t1_iujbw0c wrote

Reply to comment by JC1812 in TIFU by getting a nose piercing and now my family hates my boyfriend. by [deleted]

I feel like you are right. But talking isn't really her strong suit and I don't know how to tell her "I am embarassed by the way you treat me" without offending her or making things worse.

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grinning_imp t1_iujdjuk wrote

Then you just might need to offend your mother. Things might get worse for a bit, but they won’t get better if you don’t speak up.

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redcore4 t1_iuje8ac wrote

If you offend her, then she will understand how you feel. You don’t need to worry about causing offence to people who are unkind to you even if they are family.

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Abdlomax t1_iujewc0 wrote

You have difficulty because you think you should explain why you lied. This is the fact: you lied, trying to explain your boyfriend not coming. You are still stuck in old patterns. You want to blame your mom for you telling him not to come (and then not informing her). This is how you tell your mom: “Mom, I lied when I said he wasn’t feeling well. The truth is that I told him not to come.” Don’t give a reason unless she asks. Tell her it was wrong for you not to tell her he was not coming, perhaps that you understand why she was angry, because I think you do, and she explained it to you. I assume you are not living with your parents. (If you are, this is much more complicated). In any case, the only way forward is with the truth and no excuses or “reasons.” — unless asked, and even then be careful. As children, we learned to make excuses. If we had a good excuse, it was okay. But it wasn’t okay, and that never really worked well. Lying makes your life complicated. Keep it simple.

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ClamPaste t1_iuk5p4z wrote

What do you get out of the relationship with her at this point, other than stress and shame? Is she providing some kind of financial support?

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Gernia t1_iujy5ie wrote

Honestly, your parents sounds like they are a negative in your life from this post. So if they treat you like this in other parts of your life, you might want to take some time to think through if you might need to create some distance between you, then reevaluate after some time.

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ghostttoast t1_iujwx6v wrote

And you’re 26?

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Gernia t1_iujynvw wrote

Stunted social ability can often come from many things, she might be a fully functioning adult in other settings than with her parents.

For me, this seems like a socially abusive relationship, however it is impossible to draw such conclusions from just this short piece of text.

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ghostttoast t1_iujzsnp wrote

I just don’t understand how people can actively dishonor themselves by shrinking their boundaries and needs. I have my own salad bar of mental health issues and crippling anxiety, but I be damned if I made it even worse on myself by pretending I didn’t have an opinion or the ability to express myself. Like OP is 26, has a relationship, but isn’t able to stand up for themselves? Kinda seems like some things are out of order here

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televisuicide t1_iukbmxw wrote

I was you two years ago. Boundaries with my mother are key. I sent mine an email. But you have to tell her or she will keep doing it. Good luck.

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