I wish I could respond to everyone right now, I appreciate the comments. but I am currently at my parents house to tell them the truth. Family is very important to me and I want to try to make things better, but if it looks like it won't then I have accepted the fact I will have to cut ties (not just because of this but for 26 years worth of situations like this). I've also layed everything out for my boyfriend and while he has been understanding I can see why this would make him want to leave.

Also, this has all helped me realize I should probably go to therapy, so thanks for that too

thank you. I think you are right. She has treated me this way all of my life. I have a lot of compassion for her for the life she has had and her relationship with her own mother, but she has a lot of healing to do and I don't want to suffer at that expense anymore.. I have a solid and loving relationship with every single other member of my family and she only really treats me this way. she's harsh with my father and younger brother too but they seem to just be accepting of it and to brush it off with far less emotional distress. though I've tried to tell them how she makes me feel, I don't think they fully understand how much her actions affect my mental health and apparently my life decisions. I can't say I blame my father. He has been there for me in literally everything else in life, so if this is the one thing he wants to stay out of I feel like I can give him that. thank you

I know. that was my biggest mistake and my biggest priority to fix right now. I love him deeply and he has only ever shown me love and respect. I hope to have him in my life for as long as possible, even if that means cutting ties with a family member whose shown me the opposite of that.

hah that did cross my mind. it would definitely make things more complicated. but I yearn to have a good relationship with her someday. I'm realizing now that there are patterns here that need to be broken if there is going to be any chance of that happening. so I will make a last attempt to include her in my life and will distance myself if that does make things worse.

thank you, I think I needed to hear that

I am tip toeing because I'm not one for confrontation. But I'm seeing now that this is a good time to change that

I feel like you are right. But talking isn't really her strong suit and I don't know how to tell her "I am embarassed by the way you treat me" without offending her or making things worse.