>fellas, ladies, is there any salvation here.

Not a bit. You also buried the lede a little; the baby talk thing is weird as hell but it's not even close to being your main issue.

>my boyfriend of almost 2 years (in a few days) called me irrational when i found out he “baby talks” his girl best friend. calling her “her name but in baby voice/text baby🥺💗” well… i told him that is not okay and that i’m making a boundary in our relationship that that is not allowed.

See, if this were the only thing going on with you guys I would say it's bizarre (especially if he claims everyone in his friend group talks to her like this...I suspect that's a lie but even if it's not that's still super weird) but not really something worth having a fight over, and I might have called the boundary excessive. IF this were the only thing. But holy hell, it's not even close to the only thing.

>he told me “this is just as irrational as when you didn’t want me hanging out with ex girl best friend” (he would hangout hours on end, up to ten hours, would drive to see her and not me (granted she lived 30 mins from him and me two hours) and they would text all the time and he would always be texting her while we were together, laughing at here texts.) i told him it made me uncomfortable how much time he spent with this single straight girl. we got into so many fights about it because he told me i was being controlling and to just trust him. (while he’s already lied to me about so much, including topics with girls)

This is all breakup material, every bit of it. At a minimum he was having an emotional affair with this girl if not a physical one, and ANYONE would draw the same line you did so him acting like you're craaaaaaazy for having a problem with it is just him gaslighting you. You weren't being irrational at all. Telling your boyfriend "hey could you stop basically dating this other girl" is the most reasonable boundary anyone has ever had. And yes, they were basically dating.

>anyway, he told me “please dont use boundaries to control me in the future” and then later the next morning i needed reassurance and said “just so we’re on the same page, you won’t be baby talking to her right?” and he rolled his eyes and said “oh so i just have to talk to her like a robot?!” as if there is no other in between option…

This is him trying to make you feel like you're crazy again, when all you asked was that he not be bizarrely affectionate with some other woman. This is a reasonable boundary in the context of all the other shady stuff he's done, but he's trying to make it seem irrational and excessive. Again, he's gaslighting you.

>he lied to me about hanging out with ex best friend (not the baby talk one) and deceived me saying he was with someone else and when i caught him in his lie, he told me “no i told you” and tried to make me believe he told me.

Here yet again we have him getting caught in a lie so he tries to cover by making you think you're crazy or forgetful. As though you'd forget him telling you he was going to hang out with someone you have a problem with.

>he also has lied about going to smoke at random girls (that he just met) dorms in college. she ran into us doing laundry and said “oh hi bf name that was so fun the other night, so and so wanted your snapchat because you guys were getting along!” it took him a few mins to even acknowledge me in the room and introduce me. he told me he lied because he didnt want me to worry. i got so angry and he told me “ oh so im not allowed to have friends who are girls!?!?”

More shady shit, more lies, more trying to make you feel like you're crazy and controlling for not wanting him to go hook up with random women. If you haven't looked up gaslighting yet you may want to because it seems to be your boyfriend's default move when he's caught in a lie, and he tells so many it comes up a LOT.

>always pins the lies on me somehow

Yep, of course he does.

>he also knew i had trauma with the subject of porn (nothing wrong with it, just experienced something in my own life which hurt) and offered to not watch it early in our relationship which i did NOT ask of him. we both promised each other not to though because i thought it was a very kind gesture towards me. a year later he confesses he’s been watching it at least once a week (probably more) and there had been countless times i asked for reassurance “are you watching?” (i was not by the way, kept my promise. i needed the reassurance because of his constant lying so i couldn’t trust he wasnt) and he would say “i pinky promise you im not” well, that hurt to find out all those pinky promises were deceiving. especially because he knows how much they mean to me and that one of the reasons i broke up with my ex was bc they always broke promises. well, he blamed me for how i reacted to him saying this saying “why cant you just trust me now that ive told you everything (every lie)?!?!?” (a week after i found out)

More lying! Pretty much every time he opens his mouth he's either lying to you or blaming you for him lying to you. Or trying to make you think you're crazy for being upset that he's constantly lying to you.

>am i stupid to try and fix this.

You aren't stupid if you try to fix this, just naive and setting yourself up for a lot of misery and heartache. Look, you're 21. You do not need to settle for this miserable-ass pseudo-relationship with a pathological liar who constantly tries to make you doubt yourself. You can do better. ANYONE can do better. Do you really want a relationship where you're the warden and he's the inmate and you've got to be on your guard and following him and searching him every minute of every day because he's constantly trying to get away with something? That sounds exhausting and terrible. Why not just ditch this dumpster fire of a boyfriend and get someone you can actually trust? Just imagine how much easier your life would be without all the lies and constantly being told you're imagining them.

>my dad told me hes gonna cheat.

Your dad is 100% correct, assuming he hasn't started cheating already. I'm pretty sure he has.

>He said that we are in a financial mess because of me.

No. First of all, you going to school to get a degree to get a better job is not "a financial mess," it's you taking the necessary steps now to have a better life later. You're still bringing in the vast majority of the money and you're still paying the vast majority of the bills.

Meanwhile, he's working 4 goddamned hours a day and pulling in sub-minimum-wage to contribute to the household, sponging off his dad (and you!) and actively turning down better paying jobs because he's lazy. This is your financial mess. It has a name, and it's whatever your boyfriend's name is.

>He said he was too good for that.

This is an inexcusable attitude. You do what you have to do to make ends meet. He's apparently also too good to pay his rent, feed himself, you, his dog, or pay for the vet for his dog. You know why he feels like he's too good for those things? Because you're doing them for him so he doesn't HAVE to do them.

> I’m going back for my BSN and he says that he can’t make his next move in his career until I’m done.

This makes zero sense and is clearly just an excuse to stall. Once you have your BSN and a better job his new excuse will be "you make plenty of money for both of us, why should I work" and he'll probably try to cut his hours down to 2 a day or 'retire' completely.

>Should I have not said anything and try my best to support him?

No, you should have said something a LONG time ago and you're supporting him way too much. Look at this list again:

>Im covering his portion of rent and his car payment most months. He only has those 2 bills to pay for. I pay for all the groceries, any necessities, the dog food, and the vet bills for his dog that he had before us.

You doing these things is what is allowing him to be a freeloading parasite. You need to stop.

Tell him that since the "financial mess" is apparently all your fault you'll be devoting your extra income to fixing it, i.e. paying off your student loan debts. From this moment forward you'll pay YOUR half of the rent, YOUR half of the food, YOUR half of the utilities, and half the costs for the dog; the rest will go towards paying down your debt that he finds so horrible.

If he wants to eat and have a place to live he'll have to get off his lazy entitled ass and get a real job.

My thoughts are:

1. He's still lying to you.

2. This entire story is shady and unrealistic as hell.

3. He's not just "being a wingman," he and his buddy are picking up women together. There is zero reason for the wingman to actually go to the friend's girl's place, he would just be in the way. That story is absolutely another lie.

4. You can tell a lot about a person's values by who they choose to spend their time around, and in this case your shady lying boyfriend is choosing to spend his time with a guy who cheated on his fiancee.

I've got one question. Does your wife usually keep a change of clothes and underwear in her work bag?

If this is the only time you've ever seen clothing in the bag and it just happens to be mystery lingerie then yeah, that's pretty damning.

If she normally travels with a full change of clothes or underwear then this may not be quite the smoking gun you think it is. You've been pretty vague about what they look like and "black bra and panties" could mean just about anything. If it's just underwear that happens to be black that you haven't noticed before that doesn't sound like a huge deal by itself.

You might need to, because if they're a regular black bra and panties that just happen to match then you may be overreacting. If they're some Frederick's of Hollywood number then situation is probably exactly what it looks like.

People do that here all the time and no one says a word. I think you’re just offended here because you disagree with their take.

Now just imagine the picture of you with no context that she showed to him to get this reaction.

Tell her essentially what you just told us. Hell, show her the post if you want.

"I love you for a million reasons and not just sex. You don't have to do anything with me you don't feel like, and that includes sex or sexts. I love when we're together and I love getting dirty pictures but I just want you to understand that those things aren't requirements for me and if there's ever a day you're not feeling it don't feel forced, I promise it's cool."

>My plan is to text them this: "Please stop contacting me until you have both been regularly attending therapy with a licensed counselor who is NOT a Christian therapist or a pastor. Once you have been in counseling for at least 3 months, then we can talk about doing a joint session with your counselor over Zoom. If you continue to contact me without doing this, I will block your numbers."

>Do you think this is a good idea?

No.

>Or am I wasting my time?

You're doing worse than wasting your time, you're inviting them in to hurt you again. They want the interaction. They want you to text them so they can gaslight you about your childhood some more and abuse you further in the process. They will never go to therapy, and even if by some miracle they did they would learn nothing aside from a better vocabulary to use to pick at you.

It's time to pull this bandaid off: you will never have a healthy relationship with your parents, because they are bad people. You got saddled with a couple of duds. It's terrible and it happens a lot and there's only one fix for it, and that fix is going completely no contact. I understand the intent of your proposed message, but it won't accomplish anything you want and just invite more harassment.

You end this by blocking them on everything and moving on with your life. There is no magical combination of words that you or anyone else can say to them that will get them to recognize what they did to you was wrong and become better people.

>Should I just keep doing no contact. I want them to leave me alone, but I also would like them to get better so I can have parents that love me. I don't know. Abuse sucks.

I'm sorry man, but they are not going to get better and if you want a family that loves you you're going to need to build it yourself. These two will never treat you right or acknowledge their failings. No contact is the healthiest thing for you, stay strong.