There were signs, of course there were, but I hadn't met a girl I got along with for years, so I guess I might have ignored a couple of red flags. Besides, it's not like I could have guessed what would happen, no sane person would ever have even considered this a possibility. There was one incident with some green shit in the bathtub, and a time I caught her humming a song that she definitely didn't hear on the radio, but I just chalked it up to her quirky, off-beat personality. No way could I have expected the absolute insanity and sheer amount of brain-fuckery I was in for. I suppose my weakness for nerdy, socially-awkward blondes is something I need to work on if I ever get out of this.
"Günther, focus!", Oma shouts. "Grab me that book from the top shelf!". Hearing her speak with such a commanding tone quickly snaps me out of the fuge state I had been in up until now, and I hurriedly make my way over to an old, nearly-collapsed bookshelf and reach for a moss covered bronze-tinted book. "Holy shit is this thing heavy, are you gonna be able to carry this Oma?" . Without hesitation she rips the book from my hands and opens it to a page about 2/3 of the way in. It was kind of cool to see her like this. She had always had a strong personality, but this was on another fucking level. I guess this explains why she and Opa were so secretive about their careers.
"Akth F'the Frilehth, Akth F'the Frilehth". Oma starts chanting vigorously as her face becomes pale and her eyes blank, like something is taking control of her body. A terrible sound can be heard from downstairs, but it doesn't feel like a sound, nothing like anything I've ever heard anyway. More like a gut-wrenching vibration passing through me making me feel as if my skin is melting and my intestines are being pulled out of my stomach.
Oma breaks out of her trance and turns to face me; "The incantations didn't work, this means she's gotten stronger. We have to fight her. I know what she can do, the suffering she can cause ". I get the urge to tell a shitty joke about a time we had gone shopping and I ended up sitting with my dick in my hand at Ikea for 4 hours, but quickly come to the conclusion that it probably won't get many laughs. Without wasting time, Oma sprints to the edge of the attic and pulls open the door to a medium-sized room filled with weird contraptions and odd-looking instruments."Take this-", she says as she hands me a small wooden cylinder with a lever on top, along with a small silk bag filled with what feels like a bunch of marbles. "It can fit 3 at the time, only use it if you have a clear shot-", I wanted very much to pay attention to what she was telling me, but the room we found ourselves in was filled with a foul, vomit-inducing odor that would make any experienced skat-enthusiast cream with excitement. "I love you, Günther, and I wish I could have introduced you to this part of my life under better circumstances. Opa loved you to, and even though he now lies scattered in the living room, he will always be with us". Before giving me the opportunity to return any affection or ask for further instructions, she disappears back through the door from which we came.
Preparing myself for the impending, most likely torturous death of both me and my grandmother, I find myself wondering; Do I really want to do this? I have so much to live for, so many girls to kiss, so many blondes to get manipulated by, do I really want to risk my life for the sake of humanity? What the fuck has humanity ever done for me. With global warming, wars and all the other misery we put upon ourselves, maybe there is an argument to be made for me just staying behind.
But then, as Oma's warcry can be heard reverberating through the house, I'm reminded how my last relationship turned out, and I realize that maybe my uncontrollable predilection for pretty blondes is doing my life more harm than good.
Alas, I think it's time to find out what the family business is really all about.
dopehomie77 t1_j6f8e0f wrote
Reply to [WP] The person you're dating comes to dinner to meet your family. But the instant you step in the door, your grandmother goes deathly pale, and shouts the name of a creature from her country's folklore. by Affectionate_Bit_722
There were signs, of course there were, but I hadn't met a girl I got along with for years, so I guess I might have ignored a couple of red flags. Besides, it's not like I could have guessed what would happen, no sane person would ever have even considered this a possibility. There was one incident with some green shit in the bathtub, and a time I caught her humming a song that she definitely didn't hear on the radio, but I just chalked it up to her quirky, off-beat personality. No way could I have expected the absolute insanity and sheer amount of brain-fuckery I was in for. I suppose my weakness for nerdy, socially-awkward blondes is something I need to work on if I ever get out of this.
"Günther, focus!", Oma shouts. "Grab me that book from the top shelf!". Hearing her speak with such a commanding tone quickly snaps me out of the fuge state I had been in up until now, and I hurriedly make my way over to an old, nearly-collapsed bookshelf and reach for a moss covered bronze-tinted book. "Holy shit is this thing heavy, are you gonna be able to carry this Oma?" . Without hesitation she rips the book from my hands and opens it to a page about 2/3 of the way in. It was kind of cool to see her like this. She had always had a strong personality, but this was on another fucking level. I guess this explains why she and Opa were so secretive about their careers.
"Akth F'the Frilehth, Akth F'the Frilehth". Oma starts chanting vigorously as her face becomes pale and her eyes blank, like something is taking control of her body. A terrible sound can be heard from downstairs, but it doesn't feel like a sound, nothing like anything I've ever heard anyway. More like a gut-wrenching vibration passing through me making me feel as if my skin is melting and my intestines are being pulled out of my stomach.
Oma breaks out of her trance and turns to face me; "The incantations didn't work, this means she's gotten stronger. We have to fight her. I know what she can do, the suffering she can cause ". I get the urge to tell a shitty joke about a time we had gone shopping and I ended up sitting with my dick in my hand at Ikea for 4 hours, but quickly come to the conclusion that it probably won't get many laughs. Without wasting time, Oma sprints to the edge of the attic and pulls open the door to a medium-sized room filled with weird contraptions and odd-looking instruments."Take this-", she says as she hands me a small wooden cylinder with a lever on top, along with a small silk bag filled with what feels like a bunch of marbles. "It can fit 3 at the time, only use it if you have a clear shot-", I wanted very much to pay attention to what she was telling me, but the room we found ourselves in was filled with a foul, vomit-inducing odor that would make any experienced skat-enthusiast cream with excitement. "I love you, Günther, and I wish I could have introduced you to this part of my life under better circumstances. Opa loved you to, and even though he now lies scattered in the living room, he will always be with us". Before giving me the opportunity to return any affection or ask for further instructions, she disappears back through the door from which we came.
Preparing myself for the impending, most likely torturous death of both me and my grandmother, I find myself wondering; Do I really want to do this? I have so much to live for, so many girls to kiss, so many blondes to get manipulated by, do I really want to risk my life for the sake of humanity? What the fuck has humanity ever done for me. With global warming, wars and all the other misery we put upon ourselves, maybe there is an argument to be made for me just staying behind.
But then, as Oma's warcry can be heard reverberating through the house, I'm reminded how my last relationship turned out, and I realize that maybe my uncontrollable predilection for pretty blondes is doing my life more harm than good.
Alas, I think it's time to find out what the family business is really all about.