I daydream before going to bed to wind down my brain (where most of my stories start out funnily enough) and it was always a girl me. It's a wonder it took so long to click honestly!

I didnt mind the boys locker room specifically so much as the fact i had to change in front of people. i got in the habit p quick of wearing my gym clothes under my uniform so i could just slip out of the uniform, throw it in a locker and go

Hopefully it goes well fam <3

Girl, I legit think i repressed my transness, cause I remember when i was a kid i had dreams of being a girl, I dressed in secret (before i ever knew being trans was a thing). I knew something was up, but never knew what.

I remember in gym in high school being weirded out cause when we did jumping jacks a certain feature flopped against the front of my shorts. I legit phoned in jumping jacks to avoid the possibility that it might be noticable cause it made me super dysphoric.

Oh, frfr. I knew i was trans at like 16 or so, but even my mom admits there were signs from 3-4 years old. My dad's a baptist preacher, so it was hard to come out to them. even when i did they "supported" me in that they didn't kick me out, but i still to this day (14 years later) have to convince my dad that trans people can exist without assuming his god made a mistake

frfr

Well, yeah, but you had a non problematic term for it, which was the point I was initially making. Even if you didn't know 'stealth' specifically, you had a term that didn't imply trans peeps were playing pretend.

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Though, I do agree a kid might not realize 'in disguise' is problematic

Oh, fam (I was gonna say girl, but I'm not certain if that's correct). I am with you on that. I've known I was trans for a while but only recently started to present as myself in public, because I was terrified of coming out in the south. Kept trying to move to better places before making that leap. Idk if I'm ever gonna be able to get out of the south at this rate, so I said fuck it.

Yeah, I feel <3

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Don't get it twisted, I'm a 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar' type girl. I just have a tendency to keep an eye on people who I feel have a little transphobia in them (by my definition). I still treat them as sweet as I can, but I make sure I'm safe with them before I come near being alone with them.

Yeah, I can see that since you explained it. Idk, I've known the term 'stealth' since I first learned what trans is. I do have a tendency to project my experiences onto other people, so I concede the point that she may not have heard the word before.

Oh, just for reference, I live in Arkansas, aka the state that currently has a law being fought in the courts on whether trans kids should be allowed hormones. So, yeah, our experiences with trans issues are probably a lot different.

Not to mention iirc, you're bipoc, so if I understand correctly, you probably have different experiences from a white trans girl even in NYC?

>I am going to say that you have right every right to say she was doing it because of transphobia, but you should also know not everyone will meet you with transphobia.

No, I agree, not everyone will meet me with transphobia. Not everyone does. She looked at me like I was about to mug her, when I was just signing into my appointment. Maybe not transphobia, but balance of probability, yeah it was.

No, what I mean is even the cis people I know who support trans people (even the ones who do more than just pay lip service) have issues with trans issues. A guy at my work told someone to fuck off for calling me 'whatever that thing is' and he's knowledgeable about transition and stuff, but when he texts me, he specifically refers to me as a 'guy' and 'bro', even after I've asked him not to.

I'm not gonna talk about other points, cause while I may not agree with you on them, I do recognize that I may be wrong.

>Okay, now this is what I wanted. I agree that this does harm us because saying “I disguise” has different implications than using “stealth.” Although the author cannot use “stealth” because what child knows that, right? She can leave it out and not have it affect the plot. You are right.

This I want to talk about. Cause you're right, it's not unheard of for a trans kid to not know the word stealth. That's not the problem I have with it. The problem I have is that it is specifically mentioned that Kate has done a TON of research on trans issues that she has in a binder to show her parents when she decides to come out. But... she's never seen the word 'stealth' before?

Hey! This finally showed up for me. Yeah, you and I are talking about two different things. You're talking about being 'okay' with transphobia. that's not what im talking about.

I'm talking about she's oddly okay with the fact she got outed, even though she was specifically worried about it. Yeah, the transphobia hurts, but she's not at all worried that the transphobes that just called her a slur might spread around the school? Even though she specifically said she wasn't comfy being outed?

>Since the excerpt was never sent, I recommend reading page ~945 until the chapter’s ending. She did not seem okay with her friends calling her out (if you want to call it that).

I will concede this point on the virtue that I lost my copy a few months ago, and cannot look it up. It's possible (if not probable) I may have missed or misremembered something.

>Yes, you cannot expect a cis author to be able to put themselves in our shoes and walk in them. They might be able to put themselves in that perspective, but their feet do not fit, so they cannot walk in them.

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I'm not expecting them to be perfect. I'm expecting them to be 'close enough'. The Art of Being Normal got a lot wrong. That's not close enough by any stretch of the imagination. If you're choosing to write from a trans person's perspective, I'm gonna take it as you saying 'Hey, I know enough about what I'm talking about to do this justice'.

If you fail at it, you might as well be writing the story for clout for the good you do.

>I specifically mention hidden transphobia because the OP made it seem as if the author had an ulterior motive.

This (and the next paragraph) I'm afraid we're going to have to agree to disagree on. I do not believe having transphobic thoughts or biases innately make people transphobic. I think it makes them flawed, definitely room to grow in trans issues, but not innately a bad person.

>No matter what, an author who has lived the experience will always write better. We know this, but allowing others outside of the community to help represent us is equally okay—as long as it does not harm us and paint us as horrible individuals. I do not think the author did that. If I felt that the author wrote us horribly, I would agree with you, but I do not see how the author was doing anything the OP suggested.

I think we're in agreement that Miss Williamson wrote us horribly. I also agree she did not paint us as horrible individuals. I do, however, think she's harmed us. Idk what version you got of the book, but when I bought it a few years back, the crosswalk on the cover was the trans pride flag. They've changed it to the gay pride flag. That seems like a fix to a problem nobody had.

I think Kate asking Leo if he was 'in disguise' when she meant stealth (while something a kid who doesn't know any better might say) does harm us, cause as OP suggested, it makes it seem like we aren't really our gender. We're just playing pretend. I'm not gonna bring up the dress-up box, cause you do have a valid point with it no longer being a dress-up box. Hell, I even used to call my stash of clothes my dress-up clothes.

I think the impression that a trans girl going out in public dressed instantly passing and being beautiful reinforces inaccurate expectations of trans women. Sure, some trans girls (especially if they start young) can have it that easy, but after puberty? Less likely. Still not perfect.

Sorry, but I can't read a book where both trans characters (even though one just started coming out) passing with very little resistance or clocking as a good representation of trans people. At best, it feels like you wanted to write a book about being trans without any of the struggles with being trans.

You can claim that someone somewhere had it that easy, but it's just phoning it in imo.

>as if the author was trying to paint us horribly

See, this is the thing you and I disagree on. I don't think OP ever tried to claim that. That's kinda what I was getting at earlier with my internalized transphobia analogy.

Transphobia (to me) is anything that stirs negative emotion in a person related to a trans person that is for no other reason than because they're trans.

I went to get my labs done the other day, and the lab tech looked at me as if I had three heads. I don't think she meant to give me a weird look, because people as a rule try not to be rude in professional setting. Did her look harm me? No, not really. Was it a result of transphobia? Yeah.

That's what I mean when I say there's a difference between having transphobia in you vs. Being transphobic.

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People have biases in their life that they can't fully control (many of which was conditioned into them in their life by their upbringing). This is having transphobia in you.

People who try to harm people because of these biases is what (i believe) makes someone transphobic.

JK Rowling isn't transphobic cause she has biases. It's because she uses her fame and platform to punch down on trans women that checks that box.

I apologize, I don't see an excerpt at all.

I'm not talking about her being accepted. I'm talking about someone outing you (accidentally) with you specifically asking not to, and then being 'oh, whatever' about it. That's not a reasonable thing to assume any trans person is like. That is horrifying, but 'some trans person somewhere' might be cool with it so it's okay?

So, I maybe misunderstanding you (if so, I apologize), but I can't expect a cis author to write a trans character a way that is representative of many trans people, because they're writing the minority experience?

Why write from a trans perspective at all?

Brian Katcher wrote the first ever book I read that included trans people, Almost Perfect. (Not saying it was the first ever, just the first I read). He did an amazing job for the time he was writing in (I'd say save one sentence it still holds up p well). He didn't know everything a trans person experiences, so he wrote from the POV of a cishet character who gets to know a trans character. It worked so well because he made no promise to be representative of any trans person, and yet he STILL pulled it off well.

If I write a bipoc character (am white), you can bet the expectation is that I'm going to do whatever I can to do it well, or else BIPOC people will (understandably) have negative feelings about my book, and myself.

If you write from a Point of View that you do not share, you 100% have an expectation of doing it well. Miss Williamson did not do it well, which is more egregious considering she worked with trans kids. She had every chance to get it right, and it's still wrong.

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Parts of it can be explained away as 'oh, maybe some trans kid somewhere may have dealt with it like this', but when 90% of the book has to be explained away because trans people can't relate to trans characters, maybe the problem's not on the trans peoples' side.

>Are these issues with the book displaying a trans experience or issues with how the book represents your trans experience inaccurately?

What's the point in writing a book from the point of view of a trans person if you don't care whether you're portraying the experience accurately? And, no, I don't mean accurately for specifically me.

Take the ending of the book (SPOILER ALERT)

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Kate's friends want to do something nice for her to celebrate her coming out. She specifically asks her friends not to out her publicly, cause she's not ready yet. They take her to an anti-prom event where they didn't specifically invite people from her school, but an anti-prom event is just straight up gonna have people from the school. (Though that's not even the point. As you say, dumb kids do dumb things). People from her school come to the event that she specifically requested wasn't going to lead to her getting outted publicly. Surprisingly, it leads to her getting outed publicly. And... she has zero issues with it. She's not mad, she's not sad, she's not conflicted. It's fine.

Do me a favor: Give me any reason to believe that any other trans person who is outed publicly without their consent will not feel a negative emotion about getting outed publicly. I'll wait.

Nobody who knows two things about LGBT people as a whole will consider that a reasonable experience of LGBT kids lives, much less specifically trans. There's a reason Simon from Simon vs. The Homosexual Agenda was so afraid to get outed publicly. There's a reason lgbt people IRL are afraid to get outed publicly, and there's a reason Kate was afraid of getting outed publicly. But... it's fine? No issues whatsoever?

Please tell me how that's in any way representative of ANY trans person's experience.

I guess we're having a difference of opinion regarding what constitutes someone being 'transphobic', and I can appreciate that we view it differently. Judging by your definition (having transphobic feelings), I'd probably claim all cis people (and a good chunk of trans people) are transphobic, because I have never had a conversation with a cis person about gender identity where they haven't had some problematic view points (and yeah, I'm talking harmful to the trans community). Is it a generalization? Sure, but in my experience even the cis people who try don't really 'get it'. (Again, this is using YOUR definition of what transphobic is. In my definition, there are a lot less transphobic people, namely those who willingly and maliciously harm trans people).

I'm sorry, the OP has to write an academic purely unbiased dissertation on their feelings about the book on the same subreddit that currently has a top rated post on comparing characters to celebrities cause it feels cheap? It's Reddit. Every post you find will be laden with the OP's emotion on the topic.

Based on your definition (having transphobic feelings, problematic thoughts), the author IS transphobic. (Again, this isn't using my definition of the word, it's using yours). In which case, call a spade a spade. There are 100% problematic areas of the book. If you don't agree, fine, but please remember (as you yourself pointed out) your experiences are not universal. Maybe let people voice their opinions without calling them wrong for having those opinions.

I have transphobia inside me (internalized). Am I transphobic? No. Because despite my internalized transphobia, I try to get over the biases that I grew up with. Which... funnily enough, is exactly what you said the author is doing. Do I believe Ms. Wiliamson has some transphobic thoughts? Maybe, I dunno. I don't know her that well. I do know that she's not Transphobic. Because she tries.

Also, you did not answer my question. What is the harm in pointing out the problematic parts of a book written by a cis author so that cis authors might do better?

Op never called the author transphobic. OP said there was transphobia in the book. She never attributed blame or malice to the author, in fact she specifically said that it probably wasn't malicious. What's the harm in talking about how Ms. Williamson got it wrong as a cis author so that cis authors can do better?

Someone deliberately deadnaming a trans person can 100% happen.

A trans person who knows how being deadnamed feels deliberately deadnaming a trans person usually doesn't. I won't say never, but most trans people would NEVER deadname someone deliberately if for no other reason than it opens them up to getting deadnamed.

Transphobia in books about trans issues is fine. I'm not saying there's any issue with Alicia having an issue with Leo being trans. I'm not saying there's any issue in anything in Almost Perfect (another book about trans teens) even though the trans character gets beat the fuck up.

This issue is that only a cis writer would have a TRANS character deliberately deadname another trans character.

Oh, fam, I could write a thesis on "The Art of Being Normal".

Kate does all kinds of research on being trans to show her parents? Still calls Leo being stealth as 'in disguise'.

Leo, a trans person, DELIBERATELY Deadnaming Kate cause he was mad at her?

The fact that Kate on her first time ever dressing in public is a beautiful girl who passes perfectly?

If nothing else, how about the fact that Kate SPECIFICALLY asks her friends not to out her at school, and so they throw a big event with her in girl mode that peeps from her school come to? When Kate finds out she was outed she's not mad? Like at all?

Her little sister is *super* transphobic about Leo being trans, but as soon as Kate comes out of the closet, she's 100% okay with Kate being trans with NO lingering issues?

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Fam, I have a lot of problems with this book. I'm a trans writer, and when I read this book, I was of a similar mindset to you. The book is written wonderfully (as in the prose, dialogue, and general pacing of the book was v good), but without even doing any research on the writer, I knew she was cis. I just recently researched her cause I was thinking about the book again, and it turns out she was an ADMINISTRATOR at an NHS clinic for trans kids. She *should* know some of this stuff.