TIFU by giving my girl bsf a massage

Submitted by throwaway20029188818 t3_zsp2ev in tifu

This actually took place Tuesday evening and not today. Tuesday I Fucked Up.

So we're at a friend's [17F] party and all is good. Me [16M] and a few of my other friends(also [17F]) are planning to stay over because the party is relatively far and it's just generally easier to stay there.

(I am also very flamboyant so alot of girls see me as one of them and they know that I'm not the breed of guy who has to fuck every woman in sight. And though I am not gay I have that advantage of getting invites to "girls sleepovers".)

Cut to 2am and we're all settling in for the night. We'd agreed that me and my girl bsf would take the fouton on the floor and that the party host and one other girl would share the bed. Well, as we find out the host has an extremely loud snore, however the other girl on the bed seems unfazed by it. Me and my girl bsf are wide awake so we are whispering and talking and gossiping etc.

Then she rests her head in my lap and shuts her eyes as if she's gonna fall asleep there. And this is where I fuck up, I start massaging her face and she seems to enjoy it so I continue... then I say was that nice? She replies and says yes and then she rolls over onto the pillow faced down. Then the real fuck up starts, "My back is so sore..." she says and now I offer her a back massage. I start by massaging her back and at this point she is wearing a hoodie and some pajama bottoms. I worked my way up and down her back etc but due to the hoodie being thick, I can't get a purchase on the massage. And then I politely ask her if I can roll up the back of her hoodie.

Now of course I don't fully know her boundaries so I didn't ask her to take the hoodie off. And I'm glad I didn't as I was unaware she didn't have a bra on at this point. I then explain that if at any point she felt uncomfortable or if she wanted me to stop to just say so because, like I say, I don't want to over step any boundaries she has.

I continue and she tells me to look at her tattoo unware of where it is until she tells me it's above her ass. Like RIGHT above like you have to see her ass to see it. And I slide her bottoms down so I can see her tattoo that read "ART." which I thought was quite cute.

Anyway as I continued, yet again, I'm massaging her upper back and I work my way round to the side of her upper back and as massage go further down the side I realise that on her right I was massaging the underside and side of her left boob.

WHAT THE FUCK!? I worked my way back to the spine and followed it down and abruptly finished the massage. I asked her if it was OK and she said it was good.

What do I do? How do I move forward? What does it mean? Did she know? Is that even consent, since although she didn't stop me, she didn't explicitly say yes. So many questions so little answers. Please help reddit.

TLDR: I gave my girl bsf a back massage and I accidentally touched her boob and now idk what to do.

Edit: Spelling and grammar.

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twotall88 t1_j191zzw wrote

Talk to your friend about it, not reddit.

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icarus44_zero t1_j193auu wrote

Be honest. Say how you feel. If this is a big enough for you to post here. I’m guessing you like her, an highly likely. She likes you. Go for what your heart tells you. When you talk, stay collected. Be yourself but be collected.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j19mbqk wrote

Thanks for the advice!

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Th3Glutt0n t1_j1bkbrm wrote

If she let you massage her left underboob without saying anything, why are you even here saying you fucked up? Go score a date and beat 99% of everyone here

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Johncamp28 t1_j1cu2ka wrote

Because everyone know that girls will always let any guy touch their left boob, the girl was being very calculating. If it was the right boob I’d say OP was easily in a good spot but the left boob is so ambiguous /s

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DrZenRoot t1_j1d5vv0 wrote

The left boob is the gay one.

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Johncamp28 t1_j1d6vs8 wrote

Is that the same with the left vagina?

—— The Sex The Sex Haver

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j19mgg1 wrote

I would but its awkward. I would talk to my other friends but they would definitely mock me to hell.

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twotall88 t1_j19ny0f wrote

It's not awkward at all. Just go like this "hey, bf that I have the hots for. I'd like to talk to you about what happened on xyz night." and go from there.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j19o4hj wrote

I mean yea easier said than done tho ay?

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twotall88 t1_j19xfl1 wrote

When you stop caring what other people think it's a lot easier to get your own mind out of your way.

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SteakMenu t1_j191e19 wrote

If you're not gay shoot your shot girls act like that when they like you even if it's just friends I'd bet she likes you dude

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bunnybuddy7 t1_j19b912 wrote

Not a fuck up. As a women if I asked to show a guy a tattoo that close to my booty I would be angling for more personally. Also she absolutely felt you touch her boob. But you are probably due for a convo with her. You should be very proud of your respect and ensuring not to cross boundaries and respect her personal space. It is great to know young people are more knowledgeable of cosent. Now like others have said in actually life its not always a exact yes or no when it comes to engaging in sexual behavior. In most cases it rolled out exactly how you said it did, are you comfortable, are you okay with this, please stop me if you don't like it.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j19lx9w wrote

Ok thanks for giving a female's view on things. I know you don't speak on behalf of all women but it helps.

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DcikHurtzer t1_j1b8yjz wrote

From my experience this person laid it out very well. I’m a male and older. Always be gentle and caring unless they ask you to not be. You’re young enough that you’re going to have more awkward experiences. Enjoy them because later you’ll look back fondly on all of them. I can promise you this.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1cx4ec wrote

So not moving too quickly was a good option here? And I kinda played things out in the best way?

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DcikHurtzer t1_j1deq6b wrote

Pretty much. It’s complex. You will learn as you go. Sometimes it’s unspoken agreement. Kinda like her showing that tattoo. That was a slight invitation allowing more at a slow pace. Again it’s difficult but you will figure it out as you experience more with others. It would be worth it to talk to her but be soft with the conversation as to not make her feel cornered. She seems Into you. Don’t be scared but be cautious and caring.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1deuqi wrote

Ok thanks for all the advice.

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DcikHurtzer t1_j1dffqp wrote

I should add as I was growing up I found out some woman love boob massages. Yes I know it seems like “omg this is real! There is a god!”

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AutisticPenguin2 t1_j193vsd wrote

She knew you were touching it, she knew you were not groping it. That may well have been why she was so permissive.

She may have been angling for more, she may just have been a close friend who wanted a back rub (let's be honest, back rubs are fucking awesome), but you made it clear that she could stop you at any time and she not only failed to do so, she clearly stated afterwards that she was good.

I think you're quite fine. If you're interested, they're might be more there. If not, you've got a close friend. Either way it might be good to check in with her about how she feels, but I don't think you're in trouble for accidentally massaging a bit of boob.

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ckirby7 t1_j19262f wrote

You're over thinking this. This isn't even a TIFU.

If she's cool with it, go on with your everyday life

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OkVolume1 t1_j19287x wrote

Sounds like you bumped into a boob on accident. It happens. Not like your grab and squeezed it.

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Mdly68 t1_j197asu wrote

She clearly trusted you, perhaps was even flirting with you. Head in your lap, no qualm about being topless for a backrub...honestly dude, I'd set this night aside in your mind for a moment. Do you like this girl? Are you interested in dating her? If so, reciprocate that interest by asking her out to lunch, shopping, coffee, whatever. See where the conversation leads. Don't bring up the boob part or offer another backrub.

Both boys and girls struggle at this age, dropping hints but being scared to express their interest out loud. She could be hoping you notice and take the initiative.

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Neuromantul t1_j192yhe wrote

Considering this is a plot from an ecchi anime, you will probably get a harem now. Good job

Dude.. she is into you

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[deleted] t1_j1aurhv wrote

My guy is getting all the signs thrown at him and he still doesn’t reciprocate

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1awyg4 wrote

Is it not just what friends do?

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neighborhooddick t1_j1cbprx wrote

WHAT THE FUCK IS "BSF"?

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1cxguw wrote

Best friend. The "s" is to differentiate between that and boyfriend.

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aoechamp t1_j1dm8wr wrote

You can say bff

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1dqsv0 wrote

ik but sounds a bit childish

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neighborhooddick t1_j1gnpba wrote

No... saying "BSF" a bunch of times, without even once explaining it, is just dumb.

All you had to do was explain it at ANY time.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1hrlqy wrote

Plenty of people know what that means. Just coz you're out of the loop, doesn't mean everyone else is.

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cuckfancer11 t1_j1a3ylo wrote

r/whoosh

Dude, I read this as just several paragraphs of signals. Do they know you're straight or just don't believe you?

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1a4hb2 wrote

Why did I get r/whoosh 'd? Am I missing really obvious shit? They know I'm straight, yes.

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cuckfancer11 t1_j1a4vio wrote

Massage, see my tattoo (and letting you pull her hoodie up/pants down), and I'm sure she noticed the boob swipe but didn't say anything.

But, up to you if you want to risk sabotaging that bf relationship.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1a5waa wrote

Is that not just a close friend kind of trust?

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cuckfancer11 t1_j1a62y3 wrote

Could very well be. If so, lucky you.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1a6ef0 wrote

Ugh, ig there's no way to tell.

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cuckfancer11 t1_j1a7k14 wrote

Well, you have two choices:

  1. Never persue it. If she ends up getting a bf and taking to you about their relationship physical and otherwise, would that make you jealous? Or you good with that?
  2. Going for a romantic relationship with a best friend usually ends one of two ways: together forever, or no longer friends. There is also a small chance you could either still be friends afterwards or you found a rare opportunity for a casual relationship.

Hard to tell. GL either way.

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lordbrett10 t1_j195k5b wrote

He is talking to reddit likely due to a lack of good friends. So be one.u/throwaway20029188818 This is going to come from the heart and be complex. Buckle in.

You are living in an age where exploring sexuality is VERY difficult as men are shamed to make any advances and YOUR MINDSET is VERY HEALTHY but a little over-reactive lol. Im actually proud to see a guy like you. I will be as clear as possible, NO you will not always get a YES do this, or YES xyz. Now, for anything more than what you did, just rephrase it with a, are you comfortable? Are you good? As long as you are GENUINE and your not pushing, THATS NORMAL!

Lastly, it's just a massage fr fr. In this context, be it her liking you or not, THATS a talk you should have with her openly. Or you could just play the cool dude, the choice is yours there is no "correct path" we all walked our own as we grew up. Just remember from the girls side, she doesn't want to have to explicitly say yes pls touch me. IT's this odd mix of comfort and in the moment. Most women want you to shut up at the start and then talk later, so it's just a matter of preference and stuff. And DEPENDING ON THE GIRL OR FRIENDS, I wouldn't even make it a dealio man. It was a massage, UNLESS you want it to be more, don't make it more in their minds lol OR you might find your social dynamics change QUICK! lol

In short if you want more, engage her and ask, if not, be a friend, who knows what she wanted or what cards she will play, just, you did well! Do not worry for what YOU have done! that was perfect lol. Maybe less self worry and talk, focus more on the girl if they are comfortable, than YOU if you are okay, but otherwise perfect lol!

Just my two cents from a 31 yr psychotherapist broski with a wife

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j197amy wrote

Thanks man you know what you're on about so I fully take on board everything you've said. Thank you greatly sir.

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lordbrett10 t1_j19czij wrote

You are awesome man, keep being a good guy!

Here is what's important, did you respect her boundaries or did she give you ANY alert she was uncomfortable.

If you respected the boundaries set beforehand. (YES)and you didn't get any vibes she was uncomfortable (YES)Then you did nothing wrong and more than likely bonded with her. But again I don't speak for her, don't read into it, could be anything at the same time could be her into you, we don't know we do not mind read lolz. Advice in the above comment :P

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Suitable-Pirate-4164 t1_j1aamhe wrote

Dude, she didn't punch you in the dick so calm down ok? Everything is good.

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toiletpapertyler t1_j1aghph wrote

I just have one question... WHO IS ART!?

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1ah0jn wrote

It's not a person lmao (at least I don't think so). She takes art as a subject so I presume it's that.

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takemyderivative t1_j1bcvsm wrote

She's fucking with you to see if you'll make a move. Maybe she'll reciprocate, maybe she won't... but she's definitely fucking with you bro

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rob_inn_hood t1_j1cdbsp wrote

Struggling to see the fuck up. This all seems totally normal and respectful and just completely posted in the wrong sub.

If you maybe lost your friendship over it... Then I could see it being a fuck up.

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soxpats111 t1_j1dts3n wrote

Dude, she likes you. Talk to her. Even if I'm wrong (unlikely), talking to her is still the way to go.

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Paterculus523 t1_j191r16 wrote

She probably didn’t care/notice. If you feel she is acting weird after then say something.

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AndrewNB411 t1_j1aj8od wrote

There are muscles below boobs and near boobs. As well as every “sensitive area” on both sexes bodies. It feels very different when someone is touching these areas with massage intentions vs sexual intentions. Assuming she’s had anyone touch her body at all (sexual or otherwise) she can surely tell the difference. You could (with her permission) give her a full on boob massage (massaging the pecs and the other tissues around the breasts) and it still wouldn’t be sexual unless you started touching sexually. Ie. Nipple touching, caressing the skin and breast tissue, grabbing the breast tissue.

To set your mind at ease, maybe look up techniques that massage therapists use to approach sensitive areas like that, and ask yourself could you be more respectful next time? Maybe it’s slight change of position, or how you move her clothes.

These conversations are hard when you’re young. Firstly you need to ask yourself some questions. 1. Did you get aroused? (Totally ok if you did as arousal isn’t really a choice) is that what made you feel uncomfortable? Or is it purely that you are afraid you made your friend uncomfortable? Do you have feelings towards her?

By no means do you have to follow my script, but i would recommend talking to her. I know it sounds awkward as hell, but I would just be direct. “Hey friend, I just wanna talk briefly about the other night when I gave you a massage. I’ve been worrying the last few days that I made you uncomfortable and I would like to clear the air. I was focusing on the massage and didn’t realize I may have crossed a boundary of friendship by touching you near your boobs. I want to make sure we are all good!

From there, although it will be awkward, you can hopefully talk honestly about it (both parties need to be mature enough)

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1an98s wrote

Thanks for all your advice. I'm not sure the real reason I backed out. I was mainly concerned made her uncomfortable. And now I kinda fear that I've got feelings for her.

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AndrewNB411 t1_j1ar7rz wrote

Take your time and do an an activity that tends to lead to clear thinking for you. Drawing. Yoga. Running. Etc.

It really isn’t a big deal if you do have feelings for her. It’s something that happens between friends at times in life. The important thing is you don’t let it corrupt the relationship you have cultivated thus far. Clear communication is the best way to prevent this.

It’s very difficult to tell from a one sided perspective of a single moment, but I would guess that she has some level of feelings for you too. Talk it out and don’t rush things.

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BadSantasBeard t1_j1atlik wrote

She couldn’t telegraph more that she’s into you if she actually sent you a telegram. Have a talk with her and tell her how you feel.

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joewypak t1_j1birtw wrote

Question: Why would you massage her face bruv. Like did she asked for it cause that’s kinda sus on your part

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1cx6wx wrote

It was just kinda there in my lap. I didn't really know how to react, it's what felt natural.

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Spider222222 t1_j1cmj6q wrote

Well judging by your story there's two possible explanations here

  1. She likes you and the message was a "hint" even showing you her ass tattoo I mean man that's really private stuff
  2. She just comfortable enough and trusted you enough to know that you won't try anything and knows you touched her boob by accident so it's OK don't worry man

Just talk to her if you want or see if her behaviour changes towards you

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1cxmm5 wrote

The second option seems more likely. But yeah thanks for the advice!

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Spider222222 t1_j1eirq4 wrote

Cool all the best to you man although the ass thing makes it sus but you do what you feel won't hurt your relationship and is better for you

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SpaceTimeBurrito t1_j1cns9z wrote

Speaking as a woman.. If I ask a guy to give me a back massage, it's almost never because my back hurts. lol

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gogenberg t1_j1dqgwn wrote

whats a girl bsf? is it best friend? because males and females can rarely be friends.......... Specially attractive ones

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1dqqgf wrote

Yes it means best friends. Well I guess we're in the minority or there's something else there

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gogenberg t1_j1dvwc8 wrote

you were just massaging her breasts last night and she didnt mind, girls know exactly what they're doing. Not to mention that you came to Reddit to discuss it because youre still thinking about it and clearly liked it. There's clearly something there mate.......... My statement stands

You are 17 years of age, i dont care if youre gay, bi or figuring it out... 9.5 times out of 10 men and women CANT be "best friends". This debate is very old and it becomes clearer with age.... Of course exceptions can be made but the general understanding is that unless 1 of them is uglier than their counterpart or gay, or unless there was already a failed attempt at changing the relationship, its not really a best friend relationship but a dormant platonic endeavor, in which 1 party is waiting for an opportunity... Dont lie to yourself, if you like this girl you must go and tell her what you're feeling like a man.

I'd start with this: Dear miss ex-best friend I cannot stop thinking about last night and i need help processing it, in person of course.

Good luck and get ready for massage part deux

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datDANKie t1_j1cczey wrote

ur gay so what would it matter?

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1cxhbe wrote

I'm not?

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datDANKie t1_j1edjy6 wrote

they think u are

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BigBobsDaddy t1_j19pqn0 wrote

well she thinks you're gay, so why are you worried?

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XavierHigdon t1_j19z0w7 wrote

Well, you've raped her, no doubts about that. Enthusiastic affirmative consent is needed and she didn't give it. Just because she clearly enjoyed herself and wanted this to go on doesn't excuse your problematic behavior. Your only recourse is to immediately transition so you can claim to be higher on the progressive stack and thus she will become the oppressor. I'm so sorry she victimized you like that. Young girls like yourself face so many hurdles.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1a0ker wrote

I mean I gather you're trying to be funny? But you raised a good point, I was actually concerned that she didn't explicitly say yes. However I did reassure her that I would stop if she felt uncomfortable.

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XavierHigdon t1_j1a1uk2 wrote

I'm not being funny. Rape isn't funny. Is rape culture a joke to you? My ancestors died because of people like you.

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throwaway20029188818 OP t1_j1a46up wrote

Your ancestors died for you to sit around and play Warhammer. As a Warhammer player I think taking your advice on women would be a poor decision.

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XavierHigdon t1_j1a6ar7 wrote

No, they died because of people like you. I tried helping you, but right wingers like you are just beyond help.

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