michael06581 t1_it9li06 wrote on October 21, 2022 at 11:03 PM

"For some back story, I am almost 16, I was sexually assaulted when I was young"

"... it ended up getting reported ..."

You are still young (I am 64) to most people.

At what age were you SA'd and by whom or what was their relation to you?

When you bring up the subject, it invites these kinds of question since people want to understand your experience better.

If you don't want to talk about it with strangers (e.g. us on Reddit), feel free to not reply to my questions. I get the impression you are soliciting advice from us on how to avoid the "reporting" situation which seems to cause you some distress, so I am soliciting clarification before I give my opinion.

I'm not sure what you mean about "reported". Do you mean "reported to police"? Or do you mean reported to "mental health" personnel, or both?

At first, I couldn't understand why your teacher had to "report" the SA again if it had already been .reported. The mental health counselors may feel that if you are still talking about it with non-peers, then you are, at best, over-obsessing about it or, at worst, passively soliciting more SA (whether you want it or not). In either case, they may think you would benefit from some counseling and so they have encouraged other non-peers (adults) to notify them.

[deleted] OP t1_it9qrfk wrote on October 21, 2022 at 11:44 PM

[deleted]

michael06581 t1_itauqmm wrote on October 22, 2022 at 5:51 AM

Most people are not comfortable talking about sexual activity (any kind of sexual activity) with people not in their peer group. You will never be in your teacher's peer group. She may wonder if you are bisexual and feel you are flirting with her or harassing her by discussing your or anyone else's sexual activity (past, present, or future). That's what I would think. That is reality.

You may have some sort of platonic or subconscious romantic crush on this teacher (the 2nd one), but she cannot reciprocate any feeling you have for her from anything other than an adult/child perspective.

Do you plan on maintaining contact with this teacher after you graduate from high school?

The sexual assault (SA) is something that happened 8-10 years ago and you probably don't want it to "color" the rest of your life. It's best forgotten or at least not dwelled upon unless you want that to be the "story of your life". If you want to discuss the SA with anyone, I suggest a boyfriend, female friend of your own age, or maybe a therapist.

Is the main reason it was considered sexual assault because it was a relative or did the relative actually force himself/herself on you and/or batter or threaten to batter you if you did not acquiesce to having sex with them?
Have you had any sexual experience with boys/men since the SA?

If not, try going to school dances, or other youth/school activities where you can encounter other boys that will not be sexually assaultive. After a slow dance is a good opportunity to kiss and fondle/hug a boy/girl of your choosing. Not knowing your level of sexual experience, I'm not saying you can or should copulate on the dance floor, but you might find some romantic/sexual partners that are more interesting than this teacher that seems so special to you.

Keepmessingupp t1_itb52jc wrote on October 22, 2022 at 8:11 AM

Sir/Ma’am, with all due respect, why do you insist that there is something going on in my head about this teacher? Why should a student not thinking and telling a teacher about something that happened to them strike as sexual/romantic to you?

I feel as if you are sexualising not only the situation, but also myself, this isn’t about wether I have a “crush” on her or not (I don’t, that’s honestly pretty gross), and my intention was not to “talk about my sexual assault”.

Why does being upset for one of the very few times I have been over something traumatic that happened to me have to be me dwelling on it? My past does not just consist of sexual assault, that isn’t the only traumatic thing that has happened to me, so why does me thinking I messed up make you think I am letting it affect my life?

I get that you’re trying to help, or give your opinion, but I said in the post that advice is welcome, this however, is not advice. Who exactly told you that sexual assault has to mean they forced themselves onto me? If you really do have to know, they took advantage of not only my trust but the fact that my parents would have and still would take their word over mine, because I was just a little kid right?

Grief/trauma should not and DOES NOT have an expiration date!!! I’ve spoken with a counsellor about the matter, I’ve spoken with a male friend and a female friend about the matter, what makes you think that’s going to fix it?

I am yet to meet even one person whom can “forget” their trauma. I am unsure of your first question, also unsure why it’s relevant. The third question I feel is inappropriate to ask a minor, so I won’t answer it.

I would like to know from you however, how do these questions you have asked relate to my post?