Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

specialagentunicorn t1_jdfdbyv wrote

Reply to comment by Madeline2535 in TIFU by losing my temper at school by Madeline2535

It’s not an either or situation OP. There has to be some other solutions for you. Her kicking your chair is totally not okay. And while I understand how upsetting that is, you assaulted this person. As an adult and depending on what state you reside in, this is a felony and can be a minimum of 1 year in prison plus a charge on your record for a person to person crime. So, as you only received the suspension, you were kinda fortunate in that regard. We can argue all day about bullies (and believe me, it’s not okay and that it is allowed in schools despite them professing a no tolerance policy is abhorrent). It doesn’t mean that you have to sit and ‘take it’ either.

So let’s look at it. What other options did you have? Could you tell her to stop loudly to get attention from others/adults around you? Could you have gotten up from your chair and moved? Could you have gotten up and told the teacher you needed to be excused?

I think that the additional options you can think up will help you in future. I think it’s something to discuss with your dad and school admin as well. They need to provide you a safe ‘out’ so to speak. If you get up and move and get in trouble, I would think that your dad would be okay with that choice. It’s really important to talk about it. I know that there seems to be a lot of people advocating hitting this person, but they’re not speaking in your best interest. Neither do they volunteer to sit in jail for you or pay your legal fees if this happens again or when you’re older.

11

IanFoxOfficial t1_jdfgtqd wrote

Some people only learn when they get some sense slapped into them. "Fuck around and find out".

20 years ago I was bullied too. It stopped when I stopped being Mr Nice.

And no I didn't need violence ever after. Or ran into the law etc.

3

ricottapie t1_jdfiqqf wrote

>So let’s look at it. What other options did you have? Could you tell her to stop loudly to get attention from others/adults around you? Could you have gotten up from your chair and moved? Could you have gotten up and told the teacher you needed to be excused?

This is good advice. I feel like schools should emphasize these strategies and be as specific about them as you were. The standard directive to tell the teacher is vague, and it's not always that simple. And nobody wants to be a snitch.

Even if you get in trouble for getting out of your seat, you might at least have a chance to explain why, and if you end up getting in trouble anyway, it won't be for getting physical.

3

Madeline2535 OP t1_jdffw5j wrote

There’s a lot of kids that like starting stuff at my school so I never really know when someone is gonna try messing with me.

2

adrolter t1_jdfljvu wrote

I think there's some middle ground here. Don't use it as your first or only tool to resolve conflicts, because it's a pretty shitty tool and will only cause you all sorts of problems that will negatively affect pretty much every aspect of your life if you over-rely on it. Buuuuut sometimes it's an effective tool when all other reasonable means have been exhausted and it's used with restraint. I would be especially careful resorting to it at all if you're kind of a loner though, because it can sometimes lead to situations where cliques will gang up on you physically, and these kinds of things can spiral out of control. Ideally, though, you've now established some respect and boundaries with your rude classmates and you'll be left alone now that they know you'll get scrappy if pushed too far.

2

Madeline2535 OP t1_jdflwg5 wrote

I have a good group of friends at school, but they don’t like getting physical lol

2

adrolter t1_jdfmdi7 wrote

I mean, fair enough, to be honest lol. It's best to not make it habit either way, but hopefully you won't need it again now that your classmate has a fat lip

1

Madeline2535 OP t1_jdfmnkz wrote

Luckily I didn’t break my hand hitting her lol

2

adrolter t1_jdfmwj5 wrote

That's definitely better than the alternative!

1