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letmeseesubreddits t1_j80hu2s wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in TIFU by spending the night at my boyfriend’s by [deleted]

my mom was actually not okay with me spending the night with him at first, but after a few months more and a few scattered discussions, she agreed to trust me on this so long as i agreed to be responsible. she is not damaged goods and her opinions aren’t to be overlooked because she is trying. she’s doing amazing and she hasn’t touched anything in 6-8 months now. she raised me, my grandparents did not, which is why i’m not a narcissist. i wish i could provide more information on the numerous other things my grandparents have done to me and to the rest of my family (one incident even involving my younger brother moving in with his father halfway across the country), but i fear that kind of thing would be too specific. they also specifically stated that when i turn 18 and even older they are still going to call the police on me if i do something they do not approve of, whether it be moving out of their home or other actions.

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TarnishedThrowaway20 t1_j80kunr wrote

Thanks for a little more context. Not sure what your grandparents have done and without specifics, I’m going to say you are still a minor. They are taking care of you and your substance abusing mother. She hasn’t touched anything for 6-8 months? That’s good and I hope she continues her sobriety. But your grandparents have dealt with her drug abuse for a long time and that isn’t easy. I hope all of you treat each other a little better.

Did you have this conversation about your boyfriend with your grandparents? The folks who are legally responsible for you? Courts don’t take away custody on a whim. Your mom wasn’t doing well there for a while. Probably a long while. Not saying your grandparents are saints but nothing you’ve written indicates them looking for you when you don’t come home overnight is abusive.

Edit: a whole new paragraph

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letmeseesubreddits t1_j80ltgk wrote

my mom did not have custody of me ever taken away through this. by all regards she is the one legally responsible for me. my grandparents are registered guardians vs my mom being my natural guardian. whatever my mom said should have been enough for them, but it never is. i never claimed they were abusive, that’s mostly been other people in this comment section, but this post was mostly a vent for my frustrations and it got a little larger than i intended it to be.

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TarnishedThrowaway20 t1_j80mnbe wrote

How does that work? Your grandparents are your legal guardians but your mother has custody? I’m confused.

But even if your mom has legal custody, you are living with your grandparents. They should be told that you are going to be out overnight. Even if they disagree with the decision, tell them so they aren’t calling around town looking for you.

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leatherpens t1_j80n7x9 wrote

Sounds like mom went to rehab and she stayed with her parents as OP's de facto legal guardian (not court ordered), if mom is 6-8 mo sober and a court hasn't given grandparents legal guardianship, they don't have any rights to report OP missing without contacting OP'S LEGAL GUARDIAN, her mom.

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letmeseesubreddits t1_j80nqxl wrote

this is actually a lot better than how i put it, it’s almost 100% accurate. however i think my mom was required to sign for their temporary guardianship at that point

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TarnishedThrowaway20 t1_j80nzlw wrote

Then OP needs to make that clear. OP has written that grandparents are her legal guardians. She has also written that mom has legal custody. It also sounds like mom is still in rehab, so at this point, I think OP is on her own. But legal guardian or not, I’m not mad at grandparents looking for looking for their grandchild who does not come home after work on a dark and rainy night.

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leatherpens t1_j80qwcg wrote

She just commented that my message was close to accurate, minus that the temporary guardianship was done via paperwork

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letmeseesubreddits t1_j80ncqu wrote

sorry, i had to find the correct terms, i wasn’t super involved in the proceedings of all this but i think i can clear it up now. my grandparents had a temporary custody type deal that timed out maybe after 6 months of my mom’s rehab and is no longer in place, making my mom my legal guardian again since she’s my natural parent. kind of like the “do you have a parent or guardian i can talk to?” deal they always asked in school. however they still exert that kind of control over me. i’m sorry, the way i said it was definitely confusing.

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TarnishedThrowaway20 t1_j80okdg wrote

Thanks for this. That clears up a lot. I still say that you could have told your grandparents you wouldn’t be home that night. A call or a text would be great for two 80-year-old people. Would it have prevented the embarrassment? I think it would have.

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leatherpens t1_j80r47n wrote

I mean, her legal guardian and mom knew, the grandparents just chose not to ask her and call the police instead

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