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AngryErrandBoy t1_j1mhxz8 wrote

But then Thomas reached into robe and pulled out a snickers...

46

30mil t1_j1mi08v wrote

And Jesus said unto them, "I need num nums for my feelies," and they were like, "Why don't you just make a bunch of fish appear?" and Jesus was like, "I'm not some dancing monkey. I decide when to make fish -- ME. I am the truth and the light, bros."

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BrownEggs93 t1_j1mk8jr wrote

Absolutely not religious, but I had to look this up.

What. The. Fuck.

Jesus Hates Figs

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anubis1392 t1_j1ml2st wrote

God: Be Fruitful and Multiply

Jesus: You shall NEVER bear fruit again!

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SocksOnHands t1_j1mnzy8 wrote

"Not the right time for figs" -- you only have yourself to blame, bro.

10

JayEll1969 t1_j1mo2ie wrote

"Its not fig season and this fig tree doesn't have figs on it, but I wanted figs so I'm going to curse the tree so that it will be barren, wither and die"

Not at all spitefull or self important. After all, if his dad created the tree then he also made the tree have ripe fruit during certain seasons and not others. Do you think JC had daddy issues?

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nato2271 t1_j1mpg8x wrote

Maybe He was referring to the fact that Adam and Eve used the fig leaf to cover themselves when they disobeyed God and so what he was really condemning was the idea of man made religion that bears no good fruit…

−5

Zero_Burn t1_j1n8fx9 wrote

Jesus pulled a Karen on a fig tree.

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Capt_takh t1_j1nbl3g wrote

This is actually a brilliant way to dissect religion as a whole. Sure, the book has some good messages in it, but this? What’s this? Jesus, who is actually also God, is complaining about fruit seasonality which he apparently made himself? If we mere mortals can pick it apart, it’s probably because it was just written by some dudes back in the day and one of them didn’t like figs. Or maybe loved figs and wished they were always in season.

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spikeinfinity t1_j1nbrr7 wrote

Some guy gets upset one day and 2000 years later people are probably still fighting wars over whether you can eat figs or not.

4

crazybehind t1_j1nenhn wrote

Who cares?!

Seriously. Some second hand account of shit that maybe possibly happened 2,000 years ago and has no demonstrable reason why this is at all relevant to our lives.

Why is this worth attention at all? Let alone any attention from millions of people for thousands of years later. We need to move beyond this assumption that there is real meaning here.

−4

calguy1955 t1_j1njcfj wrote

Replying to crazybehind (#1,060,874)

Agreed, but it’s not just a second hand account, it may be dozens or hundreds of times rewritten by different people since some guy wrote it in the first place, with the intended meaning changed slightly each time until it’s indiscernible from the original. Not all that different from the tangents Reddit posts go off on.

1

tangcameo t1_j1nkl2h wrote

Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ! They’re out of season. Get over it.

1

Brave-Competition-77 t1_j1nkmw6 wrote

It shows that despite being the son of God, he still experienced human emotions (hunger, frustration, anger).

2

poupou221 t1_j1no66b wrote

Replying to 30mil (#1,056,908)

If I recall, he was able to multiply the fish but needed one fish to get started. If only that stupid fig tree had given him ONE STUPID FIG he could have multiplied it but NO it just stands there doing nothing besides photosynthesizing the sun rays with not a single fig in view. Lazy bastard fig tree I curse thou!

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mezz7778 t1_j1nts8b wrote

Fuck that tree for being out of season......

1

AntiTas t1_j1nux1c wrote

So so carpenter, crap gardener.

1

GhosTaoiseach t1_j1nxot1 wrote

Y’all are gonna shit a brick when you hear about Matthew 15. The traditional interpretation is that Jesus was testing the woman’s resolve. The modern interpretation would be that Jesus was racist for one hot second until he was convinced otherwise.

In the story Christ allegedly calls all non-Jews “little dogs,” with the original phrasing meaning something akin to pets.

21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”

23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”

24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”

25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

I think the point that we should all draw from this is that just because a certain somebody, which we aren’t even sure who that somebody was, wrote something a really long time ago doesn’t make it divinely inspired.

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BurnV06 t1_j1o2vua wrote

Honestly sounds in character for someone who believes he’s a literal deity.

1

mercistheman t1_j1oi2dr wrote

Did Jesus have someone following him wrighting down every word?

1

TJATAW t1_j1ok0r6 wrote

Matthew 21 (21-22) has been twisted so many time.

21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

1

Alfred_The_Sartan t1_j1om24h wrote

Replying to Sanix95 (#1,062,048)

Man, sometimes when things get cross sourced so much it makes me believe the meme. We’ve like three or four different books citing individual passages. But at the start we’re told to look at what Jesus was up to right before the fig tree bit. In the supporting sources we should ignore whatever was going on before the quoted passage. I feel like some bits of theology try to make the Bible into some kind of code book make-your-own-adventure that only the devout could possibly understand. I feel like there should be a bigger distinction between the Holy Spirits influences on scripture. Some of these hot takes read like RL Stein books.

4

Redleader333 t1_j1p8wzp wrote

Then Biden interrupts the snickers commercial to let everyone know that the price of snickers is just transitory and there is no need to worry about figflation….

1

jtenn22 t1_j1q2hyn wrote

Disciples heard him “Jesus he gets so angry”

1

Concert-Appropriate t1_j1qbvor wrote

Replying to Sticketoo_DaMan (#1,071,386)

>written later by people who were close to Jesus or had direct interactions with him

I'm going to need some actual proof on that one. All the writings about Jesus are agreed by historians and theologians to be written decades after Jesus death.

And Paul never met Jesus while he was alive, and only claimed to meet him in some vision he had in the desert.

And what good is divinely inspired? Can it be wronged after men put it to paper?

1

TJATAW t1_j1qtp3h wrote

Replying to Sticketoo_DaMan (#1,071,401)

Are you familiar with the Willy Wonka character Veruca Salt? "I want it now, Daddy!"

He didn't want to wait for his prayers to work. He wanted a fig, and he wanted it now, and because he didn't get it right then and there, he destroyed the tree, so now it will never give him or anyone else a fig.

He got short term satisfaction, at the expense of everyone's long term satisfaction. Odds are there was a family who owned that tree, or harvested from it, either saving up for the long term, or selling them to have the money to live on, but did he think about them?

1