Submitted by VonDrakken t3_yx04lf in nottheonion
Comments
Gooddude08 t1_iwn41bs wrote
According to her social media accounts, midnight of November 1st is when she is released from her hibernation.
sikopiko t1_iwnh6sh wrote
Thawing of The Carrey
In cinemas this Christmas season. Michael Bublé sold separately. Batteries not included.
eight_legged_beefy t1_iwrfczp wrote
What movie would have batteries included?
[deleted] t1_iwusr5g wrote
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redditingtonviking t1_iwnw3tz wrote
Too soon. The Christmas period starts December 1st or first Sunday of advent, whichever comes first
freewave07 t1_iwo4lb9 wrote
So when I worked in retail the game was how far into the season you could go before hearing the titular line
In store record was four days
Hidden_Chin t1_iwo88n3 wrote
Whamageddon is also another one which is fun to play this time of year
Stranger_n_Stranger t1_iwoepuw wrote
Whamageddon?
dance_x2 t1_iwonmwo wrote
Whamageddon is technically the same game but with Wham’s “Last Christmas”.
Stranger_n_Stranger t1_iwouvom wrote
Oh ok got it thx
digitalhermit13 t1_iwpdvra wrote
Christmas starts on September 1 on my side of the planet.
AduroTri t1_iwnu1rd wrote
Retail radios are the others that do this too.
toilethumah t1_iwosik2 wrote
[distant rumbling and air raid siren]
InGenAche t1_iwq0lqp wrote
Yup and if there's snow on the ground it means a white Christmas.
GetlostMaps t1_iwml7rz wrote
I like to imagine her spending 11 months of the year getting new plastic surgery and then healing ready for December..
Frankenfucker t1_iwmldkj wrote
Like Darth Vader in his meditation chamber.
ishipbrutasha t1_iwncktm wrote
I was gonna say: Bacta.
ObsessionObsessor t1_iwnpjci wrote
Batax
MrSpecialEd t1_iwnya8v wrote
Botox
Nop277 t1_iwmue39 wrote
I've heard rumors of movements coming from Michael Buble's cave...
a4techkeyboard t1_iwntwv1 wrote
Ah, I consider Michael Buble the second Queen of Christmas.
InGenAche t1_iwq0op7 wrote
Justin Hawkins has entered the chat.
Coletrain-Z t1_iwmpgxu wrote
"OH'OOOOH I......DONT WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS....."
[deleted] t1_iwn3fkb wrote
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cbbuntz t1_iwnu16f wrote
I don't think younger generations are going to know any of her other songs, but they'll all know the Christmas one
Frankenfucker t1_iwnutj4 wrote
The current and previous generations are blissfully ignorant of her other songs. Everything I know by her was learned against my will.
cbbuntz t1_iwnvkaq wrote
I'm kinda just thinking about how her Christmas album wasn't that big of a deal when it came out, at least not compared to her other stuff. She's he was huge. I never hear anything else from her except for the Christmas song now.
I was more of a Whitney fan.
[deleted] t1_iwut0fs wrote
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jl_theprofessor t1_iwncc8u wrote
I already heard the song a few days ago.
lucellent t1_iwn8ntt wrote
She is almost defrosted.
Plasticjesus504 t1_iwniyjq wrote
Hahah the troll is gunna crawl out from under her bridge.
Mr_MacGrubber t1_iwnljmq wrote
I started hearing it in Walmart on fucking November 1st.
dug99 t1_iwpbiw2 wrote
Maybe I'll get less downvotes for repeating "all I want for Christmas is for Maria Carey to shut the hell up" on this sub than the other one that triggered all the Mariaphiles. Meh... I'm prepared to take that risk!
dh4645 t1_iwnr2gq wrote
Almost? She's out baby
[deleted] t1_iwmiqqp wrote
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paulusmagintie t1_iwnviqt wrote
Last year bieber tried bit we fucked him off in 2 weeks
360walkaway t1_iwnzrkt wrote
More like three weeks ago
songintherain t1_iwo2e96 wrote
Oh she’s been out. They started playing all I want for Christmas on local radio on Nov 4.. NOV 4!!?? it’s not even thanksgiving yet.. SMDH
Lee1070kfaw t1_iwos93i wrote
I heard that goddamn song 11/03/2022 in a grocery store
Crabsticks_Man t1_iwpv50c wrote
I hear it already in a shopping center
Fabiankh5757 t1_iwnvw9p wrote
😂😂
arcose t1_iwmghme wrote
The scp foundation fails to contain her every year I don't know what dark God gave her powers but they must have been powerful
booch t1_iwnaomu wrote
Oh man. Is there a story for that? Because I can imagine that being right up there with Ikea. Though nothing compares to Anti-Memetics, imo.
arcose t1_iwnd0ax wrote
I don't think there is an official sotry yet I wish I could commission one though anyway its a running joke in the community and there's even an scp Twitter that posted a containment breach on her
cimbalino t1_iwnyjz7 wrote
What do you mean there is no such division
jeffp3456 t1_iwqxchc wrote
I need an anti emetic for this!
geren315 t1_iwn3x39 wrote
Don't you mean MAD?
CitizenCobalt t1_iwn8nfy wrote
There's only one way to determine the true Queen of Christmas. A fight to the death. We haven't had a good Christmas themed gladiator match in a while.
iHiTuDiE t1_iwovglj wrote
Celebrity Deathmatch: Holiday edition
Byttemos t1_iwposfp wrote
Ahh, a good old Thorsfejde!
ToeJam1970 t1_iwpirl4 wrote
mistertickertape t1_iwn5v62 wrote
I was in a restaurant in Miami a few years ago and she and some other people were at a table directly next to my and a colleague I was with having dinner.
She refused to speak to the server and would only speak to an assistant that would then speak to the server on her behalf. Probably anecdotal, but every time a 'Which celeb is trash' thread is posted on r/AskReddit, other people tell stories of similar anecdotes involving her.
Ever since I saw how she treated that poor server, I can't listen can't listen to anything by her, especially the Christmas stuff.
samanime t1_iwneg5y wrote
I absolutely hate celebrities that are horrible to other people. I didn't particularly like her before, but now I actively dislike her.
Just because you can sing and have money doesn't mean you are better than other people. You should treat everyone with respect.
FatherOfLights88 t1_iwnk2cw wrote
Being better than other people requires actually being better. Acting superior and holier than thou doesn't quite cut it.
There's just no excuse for poor manners.
phillythrowaway19107 t1_iwnll4t wrote
Same, I can’t separate the art from the artists and it really ruins it when their behavior is awful to others. Really kills it for me.
Cakeking7878 t1_iwnpsui wrote
You see, that’s because that’s robo Carey, while the real one is still one ice. They gotta convince people she’s a real person but that robot just isn’t advance enough to handle real conversations
VeracitiSiempre t1_iwnw1z0 wrote
Reading this, I’m pretty sure she can fuck all the way off.
DDRaptors t1_iwo0jo9 wrote
There is high maintenance, and then there’s Mariah Carey.
AlterEgo3561 t1_iwmikmr wrote
I heard she starts to lose her powers after December 25th which is why her New Years performance in 2017 went so wrong. For 2018 she made sure to keep enough in reserve to still perform properly.
StanchLizard593 t1_iwm8rzb wrote
No, she should share that title with George Michael.
riwbobtherhubarb t1_iwmhf6i wrote
And Shakin’ Stevens. Hell, bring Michael Bublé in too.
[deleted] t1_iwmfgn2 wrote
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supernovababoon t1_iwni9og wrote
Has anyone ever even heard of her referred to as the Queen of Christmas? Just the fact that she even attempted this shows how out of touch and egotistical she is.
[deleted] t1_iwnn6ub wrote
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samu_rai t1_iwpse72 wrote
Literally everyone. Dolly Parton was the most recent high profile one.
InGenAche t1_iwq0w4b wrote
She'd get the trademark of Diva of Christmas I'm sure.
ScandalOZ t1_iwnjzw9 wrote
She has had that moniker since her song "All I Want For Christmas" hit #1 for several Christmas in a row.
You may not give a shit about her but that song is playing as soon as Christmas season is officially under way.
bimbles_ap t1_iwnv6gj wrote
I don't consider one recognizable version of a song the epitome of Christmas time, pretty sure most people would agree.
Tyrion Twyin Lannister quote seems to be fitting: "Any [woman] who must say 'I am the [Queen]' is no true [Queen]"
GarbagePail10 t1_iwnvkoe wrote
That was Tywin
bimbles_ap t1_iwnxul6 wrote
Yep, you're right, guess I thought it was Tyrion because he had more disdain for Joffrey. It's been a while.
[deleted] t1_iwt4irf wrote
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ScandalOZ t1_iwt5z8a wrote
I see all the rational people came out to down vote me. (sarcasm font)
doctorhino t1_iwm8nz5 wrote
Mariah doesn't realize how long ago the 90s were.
hatramroany t1_iwmkpls wrote
The song didn’t hit #1 until 2019 and has repeated every year since - it was certified Diamond in 2021
tricerapus t1_iwmu4ff wrote
Take that zoomers! It's your fault.
iamjackstestical t1_iwn42j6 wrote
It's the boomers who took till 2017 to figure out spotify
obsidianop t1_iwo8vrr wrote
Remember that we're talking Christmas songs here. Are there any that are better, except for the Vince Guaraldi O Tannenbaum?
[deleted] t1_iwmlgie wrote
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hatramroany t1_iwmqs8p wrote
Because of streaming. There’s certainly a discussion to be had about streaming counting towards both the singles chart and the album chart but it’s irrelevant here.
Mariah’s song hits the top every year due to on demand streams. Saying she’s stuck in the 90s when her song is just incredibly popular is out of touch.
[deleted] t1_iwmqxj5 wrote
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hatramroany t1_iwmr6y1 wrote
That’s weird, the title says she tried trademark queen of Christmas not queen of everything. Where’s your source on that? Your feelings?
[deleted] t1_iwmrdk7 wrote
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sjf40k t1_iwmqfxq wrote
Or she’s an incredibly talented artist and earned every single spot.
[deleted] t1_iwmbh5h wrote
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AdFresh3918 t1_iwmcu2z wrote
I wonder how much of that is pushed over actually desired
monkeysandmicrowaves t1_iwnt9ct wrote
Of all the annoying Christmas songs, Mariah Carey made one.
a4techkeyboard t1_iwnunap wrote
Yeah, are public places not just playing it as one song in a massive playlist of Christmas and other seasonal holiday songs?
Surely, without it on a loop by itself, the attribution for whatever lack of mirth one feels about the music is spread out to several songs.
generally_sane t1_iwnr1hl wrote
I actually made it the whole way to through the article, which is the most Mariah Carey I've been able to stand in years. Anyhow, I found this final paragraph to be so funny as that book describes the exact opposite of who she is. "The trademark request outcome hasn't stopped Carey from harnessing all the Christmas phrases she can. She just released a picture book called "The Christmas Princess," a "modern fairy tale" about Little Mariah, who "doesn't have much and doesn't want a lot" besides peace and joy during the holiday season."
webgambit t1_iwmggz3 wrote
That is a whole lot of ego, there.
EarthenEyes t1_iwmiwso wrote
Christmas should not belong to any one entity
MrChip53 t1_iwmzro6 wrote
Except for the big man himself.. santa
RationalLies t1_iwnezgy wrote
Billy Bob Thornton
DemoEvolved t1_iwmwz3a wrote
Mariah is finding out what it’s like to be “Qoc” blocked.
stop_making_art t1_iwngigr wrote
that song is literally the Nightmare before Christmas
1CocteauTwin t1_iwnh9tq wrote
When your ego is just so big you need everyone to call you Queen.
Jesus Chris with fucking tinsel on it.
Infamous_Subject6398 t1_iwmti8t wrote
I'm very curious about the "various milks"
guyonlinepgh t1_iwn9hix wrote
She is the queen of getting on my very last nerve though. Can we skip to January please?
Lucycrash t1_iwndmt0 wrote
It's that time of year again for her high pitched screeching. I can't wait until I never hear her again.
amosmydad t1_iwnj6k3 wrote
Mariah Carey was NEVER the queen of Christmas
apathetic_revolution t1_iwneu57 wrote
Sorry, Mariah, but the Queen of Christmas is American Chinese food pioneer, Joyce Chen.
a4techkeyboard t1_iwnu35z wrote
Oh good point, sovereignty over Christmas wouldn't just be limited to music.
mochul t1_iwnf4tl wrote
I don't want a lot for Christmas except for exclusive legal and corporate rights over the season
dsbwayne t1_iwnoit2 wrote
I love how people act like she is just this ONE Christmas song 😭😂Like nevermind the 18 other number 1’s amongst others 😂
HoboAJ t1_iwntiem wrote
Ever hear that one song early, and it's a fucking jam? Then the radio proceeds to play it so much, you wouldn't mind a lobotomy? Now, imagine that process playing out 1/6th of every year for 20+ years.
I understand people's disdain. I like the song, tho, probably because I don't listen to the radio.
-The-Moon-Presence- t1_iwnw9iv wrote
Yeah!
Who the hell put it to a vote anyway?! I say keep her frozen until the last two weeks of December. Then we can thaw her out.
Piccoroz t1_iwn11vl wrote
Time to fire up the spiderman memes.
TemporaryValue5755 t1_iwngfjw wrote
I wrote to Santa this year and I asked that he remove my ability to hear so that I don’t have to listen to Mariah Carey destroy my Christmas spirit this year.
Crooked_Cock t1_iwnh94e wrote
A KETER CLASS SCP HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT, ALL PERSONNEL APPLY PROTECTIVE EAR WEAR IMMEDIATELY.
[deleted] t1_iwnhqyx wrote
Obviously.
There's also George Michael.
VeracitiSiempre t1_iwnvu33 wrote
I’m pretty sure she’s the desiccated meme of Christmas, and I am over her Shit.
ben_bliksem t1_iwn6y36 wrote
See...all these comments and nobody cares/knows who this Elizabeth Chan person is.
WhynotWG t1_iwnwpuc wrote
Mariah Carey on November 1st ( Rita repulsa )
Ruthless4u t1_iwnxk8e wrote
This is too accurate to be a mere coincidence.
RedditMayne t1_iwo55vu wrote
She that Glitters is not gold.
smallislandgirl t1_iwob7hg wrote
Phew!
frankierabbit t1_iwolkvi wrote
Mariah Carey staring into a crystal ball is suddenly knocked across the room. Her manager asks “what?… what did you see?”. She sits up, eyes widened, trembling in fear… “there is another…”
BeekyGardener t1_iwoqads wrote
I loved the song growing up and still think it is catchy and sweet. It is just so overplayed.
I'm fascinated that All I Want For Christmas is You has grossed more than $60 million since its debut. $2.5 million dollars a year!
Christmas song royalties are coveted. Cheddar showed most Christmas songs are from the 1940s-1950s. Many pop stars make Christmas songs still hoping theirs will remain memorable and become part of the Christmas culture, but few do. Mariah Carey is one of the few modern artists to have a popular Christmas songs.
I'm showing my age here calling her "modern". :)
GloomyFondant526 t1_iwpf6zv wrote
She's not even the Duchess of Yuletide!
crackersncheeseman t1_iwpmyeb wrote
I believe Dolly Parton holds the title of queen of Christmas.
Right-Huckleberry574 t1_iwq2248 wrote
Yes she is.
eightezsteps t1_iws0lft wrote
Well this trademark board is ridiculous, Mariah is Queen of Christmas and we all know it!
[deleted] t1_iwmccqd wrote
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Sabbaticala t1_iwnh98o wrote
She didn't write "all I want for Christmas is you." Vince Vance did, before Maria had braces.
[deleted] t1_iwnigxa wrote
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Karkuz19 t1_iwnkorv wrote
I understand that Americans that had to live with Christmas music blasting EVERYWHERE every year of their lives must find it irritating after decades, but as someone who adopted this tradition even though my culture is not much into Christmas songs (i mostly play it at my house most of December and half of November) I just hope I never get sick of it because I love it so fucking much.
SkepticalAdventurer t1_iwnma10 wrote
Having to make a statement like this definitely makes her sound like the sole queen of Christmas
CobaltSpellsword t1_iwnp6w0 wrote
"We are an Oligarchy of Christmas, not a Monarchy of Christmas, dammit!"
mommaloo t1_iwnsulm wrote
This Moriah Carey? The people at Rockafeller Center (and the people with ears) disagree. Rockefeller Center 2014
teoshie t1_iwnunwq wrote
does Mariah Carey even exist in our reality?
this article is the most out of touch thing I've read since whatever crazy shit Elon is doing every few hours
dmtbobby t1_iwny0zt wrote
I hate her version of what ever Christmas song that is I could not give a shit about her.
Hrafnagar t1_iwnztom wrote
Is it even mid November if you haven't heard "all I want for Christmas"?
Swanlafitte t1_iwnzxw4 wrote
What a Scrooge. Telling the world no one but myself can have this during Christmas is the ultimate Villain of Christmas.
VallhundFisher t1_iwo16tr wrote
She’s on the roof, get the gun Carter….
[deleted] t1_iwogb2f wrote
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ElfLordSpoon t1_iwoiosw wrote
Holy crap. She is still alive?
chocowich t1_iwom9ro wrote
BEST QUEEN: Padoru Padoru
fapalicius t1_iwon069 wrote
We also have wham with last christmas
RandomComputerFellow t1_iwotbx4 wrote
She may not be the Queen of Christmas but maybe in reality she is the Grinch?
Undoninja5 t1_iwourdn wrote
Yeah it’s obviously Ludwig Ahgren, tell me who got a better Christmas album
Tibbittz t1_iwp1wo7 wrote
Can I say "Garth Brooks" on Reddit?😬
[deleted] t1_iwp88mk wrote
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Mrsrightnyc t1_iwpa62i wrote
She should trademark the phrase “The Christmas Snip” and convince her ex to get finally get a vasectomy.
justsomeyeti t1_iwpkca3 wrote
I'm old enough to remember when she could actually sing
rowejl222 t1_iwpkqxq wrote
Lmao
SpaceFmK t1_iwptjv0 wrote
One of my favorite days of the year is when I DJ at my local radio station and do a full hour of Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is You" back to back to back. It seems impossible, but the song gets better every time it repeats.
[deleted] t1_iwpu3uc wrote
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VanDenBroeck t1_iwq2t92 wrote
Wow, she is kind of full of herself wanting to be officially recognized as the queen of christmas. And why do so many celebs these days want to be called queen of this or queen of that or just queen? Makes no sense to me.
DooglarRampant t1_iwquhai wrote
Carey is the Queen of being a chubby, privileged diva. She needs to stop thinking she's young.
Zappa6174 t1_iwmrq9i wrote
All this mess because of some assholes' imaginary friend
commentist t1_iwo9g7w wrote
There should be a solution . May I suggest.
"Fattest Queen of Christmas"
Please ad your ideas.
Zortak t1_iwo15bd wrote
Melanie Thornton >>>>>>>> Mariah Carey
Mbreezythunder t1_iwna9e4 wrote
Facking Cant of Christmas is what that bish is.
msdlp t1_iwntkgn wrote
I looked up and watched the video of All I want for Christmas is You. I am a pretty broadminded person and enjoy sexual stuff just as much as the next guy but her video is way beyond something for children, ESPECIALLY those who still believe in Santa. She gets no respect from me.
Aeon1508 t1_iwncma0 wrote
I'm tired of this slander against Mariah Carey.
Every popular Christmas song is from 50s and 60s. All I want for Christmas is you is the 90s classic. That's OUR song. This is millennial heritage and we need to stop the self shaming. Stop letting the boomers control christmas
LFCsota t1_iwnfemp wrote
I'm a millennial and I say bullshit and let it die.
I don't want this legacy. We don't want this song.
It's trash.
obsidianop t1_iwo90ol wrote
You got something better?
Aeon1508 t1_iwnfi84 wrote
And the cycle continues
LFCsota t1_iwnmo2j wrote
The only cycle here is the one you and the 3 other Mariah Carey fans run to try to convince everyone this song doesn't suck.
Aeon1508 t1_iwnmtmz wrote
Woah woah woah. Dont start calling me a fan. I dont care about her. Never listen to her music. This isn't about her. It's about claiming what is ours
LFCsota t1_iwnncuw wrote
This is just weird now. Nobody cares about her but you. Enjoy rubbing your legacy in the corner. Don't forget to go outside for some sun here and again.
Aeon1508 t1_iwnnjwk wrote
You're getting awfully mean over my jovial position on a Christmas song
LFCsota t1_iwntlqk wrote
You are the one trying to force Mariah Carey on everyone and claim she is so good that millennials need to claim her as their generational talent because she makes some Christmas song that malls love to pump out that most people don't enjoy.
But sure, you can call it "jovial" position.
Aeon1508 t1_iwntuel wrote
I'm asking for people to embrace the media from our childhood. Not forcing anything.
a4techkeyboard t1_iwnv54a wrote
It's okay, Aeon, not everyone wants to spread their wings like a butterfly.
Don't let their disdain be a heartbreaker that gets the best of you.
(I think those are references to Mariah Carey songs. After that my aunt's mixtape I used to overhear switched to TLC.)
Aeon1508 t1_iwnvh86 wrote
Thanks lol. Like I'm joking but also kinda not. Mariah Carey is fine. I haven't voluntarily listed to her ... well ever basically. But my point about boomers hogging Christmas is still salient
a4techkeyboard t1_iwnwua5 wrote
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere I go... chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose... Jingle bell jingle bell Jingle bell rock...
I wonder when we'll get the yearly post accusing that cold outside song of being abusive.
I don't think this song by Mariah has ever taken over Christmas airwaves in the Philippines where I'm from, though, as a local artist released a song in 1990 ("Christmas in our Hearts") that is the country's preferred memed song that means Christmas has arrived. Which is around September.
It isn't a pop r&b track or whatever All I Want for Christmas is You is, though, so it's not quite so tiresome unless, I guess, one's not particularly into Jesus.
Frankenfucker t1_iwmcnht wrote
Fucking hell...is it already almost time to let her out of her box?