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I had been sitting in my apartment, nursing a hot chocolate as the cold winter's day perfectly emulated my mood. I was bested, captured, and my identity revealed. I was arrested and charged for my crimes, and only because of a technicality could I be under house arrest. Not that I would violate that, I'm going to continue being on my best behavior. But the worst part was that it wasn't even my nemesis who did it. I had no doubt she would if she had the chance, but she never got to because of that new speedster.

I looked at my phone again to see no response. It was unusual that my ex-wife hadn't responded to my inquiries of how Malory's day was going, but maybe that was just because I'm now too infamous for her safety. I wouldn't blame her, but I can't not worry about my daughter.

Then there was a sudden knock at my door. I looked out the exterior window to the cops "taking a break" outside my ground-floor apartment; they looked flabbergasted at the building's entrance, but didn't have any weapons drawn. Concerned but cautious, I went up to the door and- blast, the peephole was still cloudy as hell. I opened the door.

Standing in the entryway, my 2-year old daughter asleep in her arms, was Valor. My nemesis. I leapt back and activated my "combat pre-cog" ability, but the analysis part of my power stopped me before I could lash out. It was only then that I saw that Valor was battered and bruised, her armor wrecked. Who could've hit Valor with that much force, I boggled. And my power noted that she wasn't even going for a combat stance at all. But there was pain in her eyes, that she had seen me react to her presence like she would hurt me.

She wouldn't, not now.

I relaxed as Valor tried to hide her pained reaction. Gently, she handed over my daughter and said, "Just saved her life. Need to go home and rest." As she turned to leave, I grabbed her arm gently and asked, "Hang on, I want you to tell me what happened." I began to pull her inside and she didn't resist, but she did stop briefly to waive away the police officers who had opened the front door and were coming into the entryway.

As Valor sat down I laid my Malory on the couch and put a blanket on her. I then went to get a mug of coffee and brought it to Valor. She drank deeply from the scalding mug, a reminder that she was absurdly tough even at her weakest, as I sat down and picked up my hot chocolate. Her eyes darted over to the window, and I looked out to see the officers observing. I nodded to them, enjoying the surprise on their face, before turning back to Valor.

She took an entire minute just to think. I had seen her do this before, her eyes darting back and forth as she pondered things deeply. Despite the fact that I had literally precognitive abilities, she still thought faster than any baseline human and I would not underestimate her. Then her eyes caught mine, and she flushed with embarrassment as she realized I was waiting for a response.

"Caroline's dead," she said simply.

No. My ex-wife was dead?

"What happened," I nearly shouted.

"Shh," she reminded me quickly. "A 'privileged witness' had notified me that the villain Rahul had killed a woman at a coffee joint in Gibson and absconded with a child. I came out as quick as I could, and found him monologuing to a news van about what he was going to do to her if you didn't come out to face him."

Holy shit. That bastard Rahul had targeted me directly? And one of Valor's family members, most certainly a civilian, had seen my ex-wife die. "Why hadn't I heard about this?"

"He had been talking to them for less than a minute when I arrived. I'm sure if you turned on the news now, it'll be all over."

My eyes involuntarily flicked over to the unpowered television before I looked back a Valor. She gave a little grin of recognition, remembering all the times she's done that same maneuver to me before, before she continued.

"I gave him the best sucker punch I had upon arrival and he thankfully dropped your daughter. I took the fight as far out as I could, but Rahul had his newest strength-serum already injected. I promise I didn't kill him, but the comedown from his serum combined with what I did to him was too much for his body to handle."

"What the fuck? Rahul's dead too? Jesus, that must've been some serum. I know how you fight, and you absolutely would disable him with the minimum amount of injury. Had he not analyzed this formula before?"

"Dunno, didn't care to ask," she said with a small grin. I couldn't help but enjoy the dark humor as well. "Couldn't leave your daughter with the cops, it didn't feel right."

I looked over to Malory, lamenting that they'll probably demand to take her somewhere "safe" soon. "It would've been the right thing to do, though, but I appreciate it more than I can say. I won't resist when they do come to get her though."

"I'm sorry Darkstar. I-"

"Please, Valor, it's just Paul now."

There was a moment of silence before a thought came to mind. "I can't help but think that the brat who caught me needs to learn that this is why we don't unmask each other so abruptly." I could feel the anger seeping into my words.

"I know. I told Wildstride to turn himself into custody as I was flying your daughter here. He does need to be held accountable to his part of this, or at least whatever the jury decides his part is."

I scoffed. "Then the jury will side with the 'heroes' again. They always do."

"You might be surprised," Valor responded as she grabbed my remote and turned on the TV.

The story flashed across the news, and they were describing it as a tragedy. I watched in surprise as the news stated the situation to a background video of Valor wrecking Rahul's left knee, and their sympathy towards my ex-wife was bleeding over to me too.

"It really does help that all your crimes were basically illegal take-downs of corruption and you never hurt, or even threatened, any innocent people. Hell, there's even a discussion going on online about the time you stopped Rahul from killing those civilians."

I grinned at that memory. "What can I say? That bastard absolutely deserved it."

Then another knock at my door, this one expected. I got up and let in the pair of officers who said, "Paul, the bosses are ordering that we get your daughter into protective custody ASAP. Sorry."

Before I could respond, Valor asked, "Can we at least wait until she wakes up? I'll be here until then."

The officer hesitated, but seeing the look on Valor's face he crumpled. "Sure, as long as we can wait in here as well."

"Of course, wouldn't want you all to freeze," I said as I sat down next to my sleeping angel. I looked up to Valor and I knew that she could see the gratitude in my eyes. Looking down at Malory, I resolved not to cry until they all left.

That was awesome, love the emotion conveyed! Sensing a switching of sides and a team up! Part 2?

This was tragic but beautiful... I think Paul should insist that Valor gets to look after Malory.

IMHO, this is really well done and the pacing is easy to follow.

Two minor nits:

• "Windster" is only mentioned at the end. It doesn't seem necessary to hide that information. I think it would be clearer if you mentioned his name when you mention "that new speedster".

• Your description at the end of "basically illegal take-downs of corruption", suggest that Darkstar is more vigilante than villian. I think you could add something in the beginning, in addition to the pain of losing his wife, identity exposed, and such, that Darkstar is worried about who will hold the corrupt accountable and punish them for abusing trust (which also plays into a vigilante also breaking trust with the law and it's processes). I think it's great that Valor introduces the idea that Darkstar has never hurt anyone rather than have Darkstar reveal that.

why do I feel this is like a DragonBall Z plot with Piccolo, Gohan, and Goku

Good story.

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It would be pretty cool if that happened and then while they’re chilling at home a band of villains could attack her (Valor) and attempt to steal the girl again. Paul could pull up at the last second and fight them all to the death. I’m just looking for a last stand type of ending where he goes all out and takes them all down but goes down too so Valor can be a sort of God Mother to the girl.

Nice! This was really good!

Good feedback.

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"What the hell happened!?!? Your KID happened!!!" he snarls, ripping his arm out of my hand.

Radar Yves glared at me and then at Gedeon. I felt the waves of electromagnetic energy ripple off him warming the surface of my skin that faced him. Metallic objects around me began to jitter and vibrate. I saw radio waves start fading away in a growing sphere around Yves.

The air even wavered as his powers effected the light rays in the entryway of my house.

His eyes snapped back to me and the emissions of his powers dissipated with a crack of static electrical energy.

We have fought against each other for years. I had even been looking for him just a few hours ago in my afternoon patrol of Heldstadt. I try to remember what I knew about him from the years I have been fighting him. Things like how he had reacted at each encounter. Getting him to jail, held against the possible damage and pain he could cause. The deaths.

That was why he had been locked up this last time before he had escaped again.

The deaths were still deaths. Even if it is clearly involuntary manslaughter.

That had just started to be an issue, he had kill that guard this time. He had until a month ago only killed three people that I know of and in no way were they on purpose. That attack on the National Eddison Array Complex had been the one crime I could think of that he killed anyone in. He fought me, sure. Regularly and mostly to losses or draws. But he was careful not to kill anyone.

I always thought he was scared of serious jail time.

And while he hated me and does try to kill me all the time he is generally fixated on me once I show up which helps. He seems to always just snap and dive for me. That has minimized the damage as well as made it easier for me to capture or at least drive him off in defeat.

In a few short seconds he began to break down. Some kind of fear became clear on his features, in his body language. His eyes reddened with tears. He even began to shake or shiver in waves.

He began to blather as his eyes lost focus and he seemed to drift into his own world, "How had I never understood? All those times....ALL OF THEM. You...You?! Why? Why did you not just end me?"

He glances at me like a frightened child.

"Transformation of energy? I always assumed it was strictly kinetic energy transfer and transformation. Stupid! STUPID!!."

"You were worried about the damage to the people around you. Haahahahahah. Actual concern. Hero, right?"

He drifted into himself again in both body and mind. Shrinking in to himself right before my eyes.

"Heroes...right" he says quietly to himself more than anyone.

Gedeon still stands beside me.

I looked at him as Yves keeps on talking about damage, people, heroes, and me in a ramble of quickly replaced ideas as they streamed through his thoughts. Gedeon watched Radar Yves as he talked without looking at me. Calm and unmoving with the look on his face that he had just been caught doing something I had told him not to or that he knew would get him into trouble.

I looked back at Yves and that was when it hit me. Gedeon thought he was in trouble? Gedeon?

My eyes fell back on Gedeon and I asked, "What happened?"

"What happened? What happened?!" Yves said in a loud voice edged with growing hysteria. I turned back to him.

He laughed.

"All that damage...I have never know where you live...did you know that? Never. And I had never thought you could just, like do that. Never...nope...never knew...." He drifted away again.

"If I had not called for you! God!"

What was he rambling about? I thought.

"I just was running for home...You know? My lair...the Radar Array. First place I go every time. I got lucky."

"You had already finished afternoon patrol. I had been hiding until that happened next to the prison. Thought I was so smart! So smart!!"

"Last place they would look," he said to himself. "Last place. The prison." More laughter.

He seemed to be getting worst. Falling apart inside as he remembered what happened. Gedeon said nothing beside me. Seemed to refuse to take his eyes off Yves or look at me.

Yves looked at me again.

"You think you can just keep me in check? Just enough power to keep me out there in the world? A nemesis to the great hero! The great family man!" He laughed again.

I was so confused. Gedeon? What had happened...

"Come on, Yves. What is wrong with you?" I asked without trying to touch him again despite the fact I wanted to shake him with my bare hands.

"YOUR KID!!!" he yelled at me pointing at Gedeon.

"Powers are passed on genetically from father to son. Just like me and my dad, you and your son." He jabbed his pointing finger at Gedeon while not looking at him. One of his powers is location with a radar like ability. He knows were everything is within a specific radius....about 300 yards in every direction for sure.

Yves pointed at the TV next, "Just turn it on. To any channel!" He waved his hand around like it was on fire.

"That beam. I had seen it coming. Only me but that's my power right? I don't know what he was doing but I saw its effect...ya for sure I saw its effect."

Effect?

I looked at Gedeon. He actually takes a step away from me. I saw it clearly now. Like the time I caught him with that puppy....

"He ripped them apart trying to get to me. The beam had not even tried to avoid them. He had not even tried to avoided them!..."

"They had screamed for him to stop!!"

"Killed them all" the last three words were spoken in a whisper of grief.

"Thirty seven children from his school...Thirty seven...gone...." He was crying now.

Gedeon smiled.

“Hang on. I want you to tell me what happened.” The bedraggled man pulled the brightly colored man inside. A quick glance around the plain apartment told little about the occupants. Washed out pastel paint, accented by some of the most basic and generic paintings and pictures the brightly colored man had seen.

After the stressed parents laid the child down on the couch, draped a blanket over them, and kissed their forehead, the two finally sat at bar stools in the kitchenette. The parent brought out a bottle of something strong and poured a couple glasses. “Please, what happened.”

The hero of the hour sighed, “I was on patrol through my section, making sure no one would be an idiot.”

“I didn’t know you patrolled,” the parent raised an eyebrow.

“We don’t exactly advertise where we’re going to be on a given day, but those are details. I got a call that someone was causing problems. I intervened.”

“You tried to limp away. You’re the ‘Joyous Remnant,’ you don’t exactly go down easy.”

A quick sip from the glass. “‘The last one standing, with a smile.’ Doesn’t mean I don’t feel it the next day, but you’re right. They were preparing to face you.”

“Oh.” The parent say there for a moment. The silence was somewhere between polite, and stifling. “Thank you.”

“Hey, you’re the one I’ve been fighting the longest, I’d never stand for that.”

“You aren’t a hero though,” the parent glanced sideways at the Remnant, “You had no reason to save my kid. You could have just taken them yourself, have a new hostage.”

“Never.”

“You’ve robbed banks, destroyed property both public and private, you’ve taken hostages before.”

“No, I show up to a place, and make a mess. The only reason I take hostages is to get them away from the destruction. It’s why I leave some cameras working, and always have the hostages in sight of those cameras. I’m not in it to hurt people.”

“So when it’s my kid-“

“Especially when it’s your kid.” Remnant tipped his glass in salute to the other man, “In some ways we’re closer than family. I’m not in it to hurt you, I’m in it to make a performance and make money.”

“And then the Vanguard comes along and ruins the fun?” He finally refers to his own title.

“Nah, you help the performance and get the hostages out. Some of your peers could learn to prioritize hostages.”

Vanguard winced at that, but nodded, “They tend to forget the common person’s abilities, or lack there of. But again, what happened?”

“You’re more durable than me, they were prepping to face you, I got clipped by a few too many tricks and traps keeping the little one safe. Not much of a story to tell.”

“Do I need to get the league to keep an eye on our little ones? I don’t mind telling you I’m not the only one with a kid.”

“Heh, nah. The guild knows there’s families about, and we avoid them. Usually this is handled internally, but someone was able to snag a little one. They won’t bother you again.” There was a pregnant pause, Vanguard opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off. “Don’t ask. Please. They’re dealt with.”

Another pause. “You don’t like that you finally got blood on your hands?”

“I told you not to… alright, fine. My hands are plenty bloody. Like i said before, it’s usually handled internally. There’s a reason you don’t hear about these.” Remnant was far more serious than when they fought.

“Oh.”

“Now, take care of the little one, and the guild would appreciate it if you not spread this around. Or, if you do, mention that we will never go after your families, and request that the league do the same.”

That made Vanguard’s eyes go wide in a different way, “You have kids?”

Remnant snorted, “Hell no, but I know some who do.” With that he finished his drink, and headed for the door.

Curious, Vanguard called, “Where are you going?”

“Still need to finish my patrol. Oh, you didn’t hear this from me, but I’d advise the league have a team building exercise on the 12th. Something fun will be happening, more than just me, so it’ll need more than you.”

With that, the smiling man in bright colors went out the door.

Or Vegita, Gohan and Goku.

So... I sincerely don't understand what happened here. The nemesis was all over the place and normally being vague with clues helps. But, not this time. All I know is Gedeon killed 37 kids

I think it's something like:

• Yves appears at Gedeon's school

• Gedeon saw his parent and Yves fight, and thinks it's actually important that Yves is stopped

• Gedeon shoots Yves

• the laser fries the rest of the classroom

• Gedeon is happy about this suddenly, because edge is so cool, man~

Some feedback is make more use of the fact that Valor and Darkstar are nemeses who seem to have put aside their differences… you could try to explain why that’s the case (some mutual goal)

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So not so bad, that is generally what I was going for right there. Leading the reader to a place where we understand that Gedeon, the Hero's son is really the bad guy. A very Dark Bad Guy (even if he is a kid) but with Yves, the Crazy getting us there. And with the Hero confirming it in the end.

​

Yves is trying to get to his lair after avoiding the Father. His crimes have escalated a bit so we are supposed to find him a 'unreliable' character which we learn as we read.

As his is crossing town he come into contact with the classroom or gathering that has Gedeon's classroom/fellow school students at it. This is also near Father and Gedeon's home...so school?

As Mattzuma77 said, Gedeon and Yves fight briefly. Yves calls Father for help...Shouts (intended to show something is, was, or is becoming off with Yves) thinking Father is somewhere around because Gedeon's powers have show he is Father's son ("passed from you to your son"). We don't know what it was but Yves clearly figured it out. Maybe he only figured it out when the door opened. Who knows?

Now Superman might have heard but not Father. Gedeon still responds to Father's name being invoked as a child generally would (Just wait until your Dad gets here kinda thing) and Yves takes him (I really wanted readers to think Gedeon takes Yves home with the comments Yves makes but that may not have worked) to the family home.

Because at this point Yves is broken. He killed a person, got caught while still highly stressed from the escape, running and hiding, and now has just witnessed the death of children at the hands of a Hero's kid. A child. Not so 'nemesis'y behavior...is Yves really Father's nemesis then?

For known and unknown reasons Yves goes off the deep end but now he fears Father has been intentionally not wasting Yves flat out in their fights. Yves believes Father could (to me the kinetic piece is trying to lead readers there but that is more technical info: three ways energy can be transformed). But again Yves is 'unreliable.' I wanted the readers to bring their impressions to the story and put it together in a way that makes sense to themselves (edit: thought this was important)

...not sure how you do that but I was trying for it lol.

Yves babbles, its hard to follow, what is he trying to say?? Keep the reader guessing is what I was hoping for.

And if you are wondering but I hoped it would stand out, I am showing that Father had a clue about Gedeon being off (birth of a serial killer off btw) but I wanted to make a connection between the moment we all learn Gedeon is worst than Yves by far.

Sooo my goal was take Father's Nemesis (? not sure he even reads like that, hoping the prompt start the reader in that spot, not what I wrote) and make the Son a worst Nemesis perhaps but definitely more a Bad Guy. Yves had never killed on purpose...Gedeon killed children and when he had not needed too. That 'not needed to' does not come out well in my mind for sure.

This is a case it feels like were I have had trouble getting the reader to follow along with my intent. Sorry about that. This is really to practice writing again and try working on things like that. Thanks for the information, I do appreciate it.

Lets see if I get it better next time :)

(edit: I could go on for hours apparently as I have just spent the last hour reconstructing in my head the story up to the door opening lol - I may have overthought this a bit lol)

- Telpereon