So not so bad, that is generally what I was going for right there. Leading the reader to a place where we understand that Gedeon, the Hero's son is really the bad guy. A very Dark Bad Guy (even if he is a kid) but with Yves, the Crazy getting us there. And with the Hero confirming it in the end.

​

Yves is trying to get to his lair after avoiding the Father. His crimes have escalated a bit so we are supposed to find him a 'unreliable' character which we learn as we read.

As his is crossing town he come into contact with the classroom or gathering that has Gedeon's classroom/fellow school students at it. This is also near Father and Gedeon's home...so school?

As Mattzuma77 said, Gedeon and Yves fight briefly. Yves calls Father for help...Shouts (intended to show something is, was, or is becoming off with Yves) thinking Father is somewhere around because Gedeon's powers have show he is Father's son ("passed from you to your son"). We don't know what it was but Yves clearly figured it out. Maybe he only figured it out when the door opened. Who knows?

Now Superman might have heard but not Father. Gedeon still responds to Father's name being invoked as a child generally would (Just wait until your Dad gets here kinda thing) and Yves takes him (I really wanted readers to think Gedeon takes Yves home with the comments Yves makes but that may not have worked) to the family home.

Because at this point Yves is broken. He killed a person, got caught while still highly stressed from the escape, running and hiding, and now has just witnessed the death of children at the hands of a Hero's kid. A child. Not so 'nemesis'y behavior...is Yves really Father's nemesis then?

For known and unknown reasons Yves goes off the deep end but now he fears Father has been intentionally not wasting Yves flat out in their fights. Yves believes Father could (to me the kinetic piece is trying to lead readers there but that is more technical info: three ways energy can be transformed). But again Yves is 'unreliable.' I wanted the readers to bring their impressions to the story and put it together in a way that makes sense to themselves (edit: thought this was important)

...not sure how you do that but I was trying for it lol.

Yves babbles, its hard to follow, what is he trying to say?? Keep the reader guessing is what I was hoping for.

And if you are wondering but I hoped it would stand out, I am showing that Father had a clue about Gedeon being off (birth of a serial killer off btw) but I wanted to make a connection between the moment we all learn Gedeon is worst than Yves by far.

Sooo my goal was take Father's Nemesis (? not sure he even reads like that, hoping the prompt start the reader in that spot, not what I wrote) and make the Son a worst Nemesis perhaps but definitely more a Bad Guy. Yves had never killed on purpose...Gedeon killed children and when he had not needed too. That 'not needed to' does not come out well in my mind for sure.

This is a case it feels like were I have had trouble getting the reader to follow along with my intent. Sorry about that. This is really to practice writing again and try working on things like that. Thanks for the information, I do appreciate it.

Lets see if I get it better next time :)

(edit: I could go on for hours apparently as I have just spent the last hour reconstructing in my head the story up to the door opening lol - I may have overthought this a bit lol)

- Telpereon