YTA.

While you're right to want tradition, it's selfish to expect others to blindly follow them.

What if they have a tradition you don't like? Your fiancé could have a tradition that, as a vampire or as a person, you don't want to do. Would you be disrespecting her tradition or simply setting boundaries?

You should've also discussed this early in the engagement. "Just found out" implies that she didnt even find out from you. You say you follow tradition, yet don't tell your fiancé the tradition. Now this is just an assumption, but from your wording it seems likely. Imagine how that makes her feel.

Now also imagine if she had asked you to cure your vampirism because it's her family tradition. You would probably say no, and for good reason. You are happy with your vampirism and you should be, no one should take that away from you unless you are more than willing to. It's the same situation with her - she seems to love you, but doesn't want to give up her humanity.

Honestly, the answer is so simple, it's embarrassing you even had to ask. Do better, OP.

PSHAW!!!! My first wife was mortal. We loved with a burning passion. She was a beauty beyond compare and in my eyes a heart so pure I could not bring myself to turn her, yet in her dotage she begged me and I relented. I watched as my immortal kiss returned my love the beauty of her youth and i was pleased.

Years and decades passed and I watched as my loves pure heart turned cold and I am still, millennia later, cleaning up after her. She loves having an Elder as cleaner. I, not so much!

So to you youngling, I would think again about the responsibility of turning your mortal wife. You might bite off more than you can chew!

ps. Don't chew, it's unseemly

Yours forever,

Vlad.

EDIT:

I'm sorry I haven't replied to many of you, I went to sleep and then had a talk with my fiancé, I really didn't expect this to blow up!

A few of you are suggesting she was being selfish and that I should leave her. My family were actually suggesting the same thing, but I didn't want to be rash, I do love her.

Anyway, my family and I had a meeting with her and her family. It seems like there was a lot of misunderstanding on both sides. The book I gave her on vampire traditions kind of glossed over EVERYTHING, just giving basic descriptions without any detail. We had a proper discussion about her fears and worries, as well as vampire traditions.

She was worried about losing friends, not being able to eat garlic, and being awake at night (turns out she's scared of the dark, how cute!) My family have reservations about letting the marriage go forward, my family is strict on culture and tradition.

I managed to convince them that I love my fiancé too much, and said I'd rather become human for her than lose her, so we decided that, since I had worked really hard to live her family's lifestyle, in the few months leading up to the wedding she'll live mine and we'll see how she feels about living like a vampire.

Let's see how this goes. Wish me luck! (Oh, and to those who suggested I ditch her... don't leave your house at night...)

NTA. How presumptuous of that… harlot to look upon the gift of vampirism and turn away! Does she understand how incredibly rare it is for us immortals to deign to add another to our number?! This is like telling someone they’ve won the lottery and having them say “Nah”. Not to mention the sheer selfishness! “Oh honey, I hope you understand, I just want you to stay young and hot forever while I age out of my looks, until I die and you have to remember me for the rest of your immortal existence!” I bet if you asked her for a prenup she’d also try to give you an ultimatum. She’s using you honey. The humans always do. I’d recommend leaving her and finding yourself a proper vampire woman.

NTA

Honestly, your fiancé sounds like a piece of work. I am not a vampire but I did grow up in a Japanese household and my parents made sure that I was raised with Japanese culture and customs in mind. They ingrained in me the importance of my heritage and that it important for the world to accept not only our culture, but cultures of all countries around the world.

Now I know that Japanese culture and vampiric culture has many differences. For example, we like sushi and you guys like sleeping during the day. But we are similar in the sense that we should be respected for our beliefs.

My fiance hates sushi. But he eats it every day to show his devotion to me. He is happy to gag on the raw fish that he hates to respect my culture. And I am happy to keep feeding it to him and watch him gag. He asked me to watch the World Cup with him because it is important to him and I told him to fuck off as I shoved another piece of salmon in his mouth to shut him up. It honestly is the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and I am so happy that I married him.

If your fiancé will not do this for you; will not let you bite her on the neck, will not let you pierce her skin so blood drips down and she screams in pain, will not let you change her entire lifestyle as a show of devotion to you, then you should leave her ass by the curb.

INFO:

Firstly, how long did the two of you date prior to your engagement, and how much discussion did the two of you have regarding your eventual [undead] lives? Most relationship issues can be solved with clear and honest communication; whether to keep finances separate or combine them, whether or not to have/create offspring, whether to continue a monogamous relationship or allowing for additional vampire brides, etc, these topics should have been discussed thoroughly to determine whether your undead/life goals were truly compatible.

Secondly, what is the age gap between the two of you? Sometimes a marked difference in maturity levels can lead to conflict. Even amongst humans, May–December romances can be quite complicated due to generational differences, so I can only imagine the misunderstandings that must ensue in a 21st century–Pre Industrial era romance. With these generational difference there are oftentimes a great deal of misalignment in what each party assumes are "givens."

My advice would be to sit down and have an honest discussion now around relationship goals and how the two of you plan to spent either her remaining years or eternity together. Good luck.

NAH

Vampires have a tradition of biting human partners at their wedding, but humans don't. In fact, we have a tradition of wanting to remain living, healthy and whole, inherited all the way back from reptilian ancestors millions of years ago. You seem to have respected that just fine until now, you even came to talk about how you are aware of it. Humans also happen to often have strong opinions on traditions.

For some reason, you assumed she would be okay with being bitten and she assumed such thing wouldn't happen. I'm sure you both worked past a lot of things to get your relationship to this point, and this takes both, all the differences considered. Just keep in mind she didn't disrespect vampire traditions, because she is not a vampire. Unfortunately, she can't both be transformed and not transformed so one must give. On the other hand, humans are comparatively short lived and fragile so do make sure you know what she actually wants you to do regarding her health moving on - bodily autonomy is fundamental. Disrespecting that with any partner would make you a huge AH.

While yes, YTA, there's another tradition. With a little something called soul-viewing, you can see their true selves even billions of years down the line. This helps select the ones who will love you no matter what, through thick and thin, and will trust you with their big hearts. After that, you can both become pseudo-dhampirs by performing a ritual involving sage and mugwort upon your wedding night. After you finish the incantations and you both ingest the herbs, chewing them well, you must let her bite you first and drink your blood. Biting her and drinking her blood in return is optional. However, you both will have some vampiric traits which can be easily hidden as well as immunity to sunlight, garlic, holy water, crosses, and silver. Aconite is still a danger, though.

YTA, my dude. Traditions are something entirely different than altering one’s biology. This is an incredibly personal, permanent decision on her part. This isn’t like substituting cottage cheese for ricotta in lasagne, this is a whole PROCESS. No one should have to change their body at their partner’s request. I remember my late spouse forcing The Change on me; nothing I regret more than staying in that relationship.

And given that you mentioned she JUST found out, I’m seeing a totally uncool pattern of miscommunication here. You two need to open things up. Talk about expectations, culture, feelings, etc. Give her lots of time to make a measured decision. Don’t make her be your Bella. And maybe she didn’t really grasp that she’d be spending an eternity with you. You could want different things out of life.

No tradition is worth someone’s bodily autonomy. And maybe I’m assuming that this relationship has sane and consensual foundations, but if you can’t respect her decision, maybe you’re better off leaving the wedding canceled.

NTA. Humans are incrediblely rock-headed and disrespectful when it comes to the traditions of other races. They barely repsect their own traditions.

Us Niodiku from the land these cretans have dubbed "West Africa" would not tolerate this disrespect even from the Pharoahs and Emperors. Tis why the darker ones outside of their homeland know next to nothing of the great warlords, kings, queens, and civilizations they spawn from. Their rulers believed they were better than us. They know nothing of wisdom or patience. I spent the first 400 years of my life shunned and in exile simply because my father (Bleh) was human. Humans would have called that "Unfair" or "Spiteful" but I believe it made me stronger, a better lady, and burned his moronic qualities from me.

I would also like to mention "West Africa" isn't even the what the humans living here call it. It's Nigeria, even then, many Igbo live here. It was never Nigeria or Africa until the Romans and Greeks caught wind of it. Yet they left the task of exploration to the barbarians up north. It's as if they expected to live forever and dominate the world, I can barely recall their names now. Their legacy are books and tele series, and tele games that just exgaggerate their role in the world, and they were not as sophisitcated as today's humans hoped. They'd be ashamed to know the Europa they pillaged and briganded now controls the lands they thought myth and legend. Pathetic.

I'm rambling again, sorry. The same applies to your fiance, whom I hope won't be your last. She may not even live to the 22nd century if she refuses your gracious offer of immortality. She thinks she is important, she thinks you will make exceptions for her alone, but I will remember to find you in about 500 years to ask you about the love you shared. You will have forgotten her.

[deleted]

NTA, but I get her perspective. Some people just want to stay mortal. Personally, I don’t understand it, having been born a vampire, and being married to one whom was already a vampire when I met him, but perhaps mortals simply feel like they are inadequate if they do not age normally?

I am unsure. Perhaps talk it over with her and explain the tradition. Even if she does not want to become a vampire, she shouldn’t call off the wedding. Then again, maybe it’s a good thing she rejected you in this way, because it’s a sign she may end up breaking your heart in other ways later on. Like death from short life span. Or all manner of human diseases that she is too selfish to ignore with vampirism.

You should have a serious discussion with her about it, and try to understand what she’s thinking for more context into how she feels. Don’t try to convince her, let her come to her own decision once you two talk it out. If she’s too stubborn for this, I suggest it best to reconsider your choices in spouse.

Dearest regards and well wishes.

-Szymon ‘Sebastian’ Kusicielka

A friend of mine just sent me this and asked me if it's about me, and sure seems like it.

Jaques T., is this you? I can't believe you would try and get validation from the internet of all things, do you realize how pathetic this all is?

I talked to your ex-spouses. All three of them. That I didn't even knew EXISTED until YESTERDAY! They told me everything about your little secrets, every bit of it, and you can bet your ass it's all over between us.

To the curious people here on reddit, what happened is this fanged fuck-up has been using "tradition" as a convenient way to keep brides tied up with him, isolating and gaslighting them, all the while fucking around as he wanted.

And because the Vampire Divorce Court was ridiculously slow and antiquated, they couldn't get divorced easily, but that changed recently. Thank god your ex-spouses are much better people than you could ever hope to be, and they are helping me out.

I feel like an idiot to have wasted all this time with you, but 4 years is nothing compared to what could have been. Thinking back, the love-bombing was obvious. And the controling attitude, and everything else... I'm just realizing just how toxic this whole relationship was. The age difference was just the cherry on top (he's 400 years older than he told me!!).

So yeah, we are over. Your things are on the curb outside and I might have sprinkled garlic all over it. Now I'm going on a vacation with my new friends.

A little message from them:

Grace-Marie wishes your day to be as pleasant as you are.

Gustav says "Va te faire foutre."

Caterina wanted you ro remember that the prenup is still valid, and that she will see you in court very soon.

And from me, from the bottom of my heart: Fuck you, Jaques.

YTA, but so is she.

See, this is something you two should have discussed before getting engaged. By expecting her to just go along with your traditions without objection, instead of discussing it with her, you are officially the asshole. Open conversation is what makes relationships of all kinds work. Expectations only lead to disappointment and conflict, neither of what you want in a marriage.

At the same time, however, she's the asshole for disregarding your traditions. It is clear she failed to read your book, which should have been obvious is important to you. After all, it's a book about your culture and traditions. If she was serious about the relationship, she would have at a minimum read the book. She then should have brought up her questions and concerns so you two could have a serious discussion about what you two are seeking from this union and how to best please each other. Compromise is how to make marriages work.

In my honest opinion, this sounds more like a marriage of lust rather than love. Should you go through with the marriage as is, I would be surprised if it lasted more than a couple years. My advice is to sit down with her and have a long and serious discussion to work things out. Should you two come to an agreement and go through with the wedding, then may I have an invitation? I'd love to be there to... erm, witness the special occasion. Thanks, and I wish you both the best!

Sincerely,

Blade

NTA (is that what the fledlings say these days?). In all of my centuries under the Moon, even amongst the inferior mortals I have never heard of such an entitled, spoiled and thankless bitch! (I apologise for my base and vulgar manner of speaking, but the insolence of this wretch has my immortal blood boiling). Imagine (shudder) having the misfortune being a lowly, feeble, stupid and disgusting mortal, and a woman at that, to whom an exalted specimen of the Eternal Ones, the Children of the Blood, the Lords of the Night, has (ill-advisedly) taken a liking, and has even offered not only to make her his lawful wife, but also to share the Gift with, and then having the audacity to refuse, and to even presume yourself to be worthy of setting terms to a Vampire! If I was in your place, I would have snapped her neck on the spot for such insolence, and fed her body to my hounds instead of allowing myself to be sullied by that cunt's filthy blood. In our degenerate times, those foolish mortals think too highly of themselves, and have forgotten their rightful place, all because the sissies currently taking up space on the Council of Shadows have decided to pursue a craven policy of "coexistence" and "equality". What foolishness! The bloodbags need to be brought down under out heels and reminded that they are nothing more than cattle for us, through whom flows the blood of the Gods of Darkness, who alone hold mastery over the night and all its creatures, and the sole purpose of their wretched existence is to be consumed and disposed of by us as we see fit, as was done in the good old days under the wise and benevolent rule of the Count Vlad, the Great Dragon. But I have faith that the Endless Night shall fall again, and the Tide of Blood shall cleanse the world of its impurities! Pardon me for digressing into politics, as my sole purpose is to reassure you that you have not in any way dealt unjustly with your mortal plaything, except perhaps for showing excessive lenience towards such presumptuous filth.

Find a new fiancee. You're immortal. It's her loss if she doesn't want to become Immortal.

I know a guy who knows a guy who knows another who knows the guy who matche-make between supernatural.

I'm sure we can work something out for you. We have an outer deity. Single mother/father/@%#!#.

We have a werewolf. If you're into that. We also have other Vampires. In the note, I would suggest checking out our blind date site for supernatural.

Trust us, we have been doing this since the dark ages.

Now I would like to clarify some things. We are a dating agency. So please don't try to hit on our employees. We don't wanna repeat the Hyde incident.

If you're interested, please visit.

www.supernatural_mm@spds.com

Oh god. There's a lot to tackle here. As a human who's currently in a serious relationship a vampire and planning to propose this week...

You should have told her first. This is one of the first things Jake (M21) told me. (Jake's mother was a human who got married in 1957. She had Jake in 2000. That's why he's so young.) He said that if I didn't want to marry him, that was okay, and everything could be chill and we could be a fling until I broke up with him and/or died.

I (F20) am from a really orthodox Hindu family. I, obviously, really want to get married because of my tradition. However, this also allows me to sympathize with him. I understand his tradition as well. We're planning on doing a Hindu wedding and, later, a Vamp wedding.

Jake's Vamp lineage traces all the way back to Hungary and Oslo, actually. After that, we can't find anything more, and DNA tests just give us a barrage of random information that isn't very helpful. (Yes, I know I'm 100% Malayali. They don't know where he's from at all, though, so it doesn't work for us.) It's not very helpful.

Luckily for me, the whole "garlic" thing is something we have in common, because Orthodox Hindu families don't eat garlic. Unfortunately, I love garlic. (I eat it in secret. I discovered it in college.) When Jake first tasted garlic -- before I knew he was Vamp -- he loved it. And then, he broke out into hives, and I used my epi on him. (It worked!)

But, enough about me, let's talk about you.

You should have told your (hopefully) future bride about that at first. Have you considered a "commitment ceremony"? It's something people do when they can't get married for legal reasons. Or, perhaps, you could have a wedding in her faith and then in yours. Jake's cousin Silas (M172) and his wife Ruth (F52) had a Jewish wedding and then, when she was 37, she got bit and is now stuck as a 37-year-old.

That's really all I can say. I think that I can't say much more. I am hesitant to label someone from a Vamp background that I don't know at all about as a jerk. But, because you didn't know better (and because she's being reasonable), NAH.

Mmm kinda YTA. She probably has her reasons on why she doesn’t want to turn and that’s okay. The process of turning into a vampire, let alone the changes in your body, can be very devastating and can almost be critical if their body doesn’t handle it well. I had this same talk with my husband (and a very deep one too about this) before finally turning him. And let me tell you this, he was bedridden for weeks on end after our wedding.

The poor thing was feverish and in constant pain before feeling that constant hunger that couldn’t be satiated. (Good thing for the extra blood packs). The pain got bad to where he legit was sobbing. Not only that, he was now considered “dead” as the humans would dub us, so he couldn’t really use pain killers.

Plus it’s rude to push our tradition onto other who are really accustomed to our tradition. Especially mortals. Had to learn that myself too, don’t worry.

You also are just following tradition on which she also does not understand, but the thing is this is the 21st century now. Not the 18th century. A lot of things have changed now. But i really do hope you and your soon-to-be-wife talk through this and discuss about it!

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