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thoughtsthoughtof t1_j8qap3s wrote

Reply to comment by Nightchildd in [OT] Poetry Corner: Fire! by OldBayJ

I like how you start this poem for this verse things feel off I think it would be better with

Like a sunflower fading in September
I'm ready to begin anew
To let my seeds spread and grow
letting something that was great be greater /to let something strong be stronger

Or Our end is near I can feel it
We were good but not the best fit/not meant to be ...
Like a Sunflower in September
Fate decides it's time for me to go.
Use my seeds and remember
all the times we had together.

Or some others depends on what struggles in particular

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Nightchildd t1_j8qqzeu wrote

I agree, however look closer at the first letter of each line haha. I also tried to keep it rhyming and struggled to keep it light

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thoughtsthoughtof t1_j8qunsl wrote

Oh did you want it to be completely general struggles or did u have more idea of potential meanings for inner war maybe just without it after peel instead be peeled and to have her seeds used maybe

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