Welcome to the Post! This is a [PM] Prompt Me.

Reminders:

>* All top-level comments should be prompts for the submitter to answer >* Prompt submission and comment rules still apply >* Prompts must be responded within six hours or this post will be removed >* No AI-generated reponses 🤖 >* Be civil in any feedback.

🆕 New Here? ✏ Writing Help? 📢 News 💬 Discord

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

“I promise, the 6th mini fridge is not the problem here. “

Dammit Jerry, you have to stop killing your bosses. The Illuminati are getting suspicious.

“Ah great, there goes the live alien fleet display! You let them leave containment! What are we supposed to show off in the museum now?”

A supervillain runs into a room and screams, "Hide me!"

"There's no such thing as a burger monster. They can't hurt you."

Lol

“Ah, death, an interesting phenomenon”

"I understand the trail of bodies, but did you have to wear pink?"

“Of course the universe is in the shape of a donut!”

“No time to explain, get in!”

Look, I told you. You have to leave the blue fish alone. Didn't I?!? And now look. This is all your fault!

I can't get this thing off me! Help me before I stop caring.

Another one.

Just sitting in my hallway from God-knows where.

And my husband behind it, looking as giddy as a child with a candy bar. He smiled at me while speaking, "Look at this! All the latest features and more! Apparently this one can hold up to two times more cans of beer than a regular mini fridge. Isn't that awesome?"

I pressed my face into my hands and took a deep breath. I loved Tom and all, but this...this was too much.

"What the hell, Tom? You can't just keep buying mini-fridges! What's the point of all that extra space, if we have...what was it, five?"

He grinned again. "Yep! This makes six."

"Honestly, Tom! This seems to be harbouring on some sort of obsession. We don't need that many mini fridges."

"Of course we do! Where are we going to store all our food if the need arises? I'm thinking ahead, that's all."

"Thinking ahead does not mean buying six mini fridges. Six! Two, maybe three is enough! But six? That's overkill!"

He slowly shook his head, "I promise you, the sixth mini fridge is not the problem here."

"Well I'll be damned if it isn't," I shot back at him.

"Just hear me out. Imagine we hold a Thanksgiving dinner at our house. My parents and siblings come, your family comes. It's like a big thing."

"That's not go-" I began to say.

"Wait a second, Susie. Let me talk first."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he spoke again.

"Everyone brings a plate to share, there's some mac and cheese, some various salads. Just the usual. But, there was a miscommunication. Both your parents and mine bring a turkey!"

I rolled my eyes at him. What on earth are you going on about?

"Well it's pretty funny at first, everyone's laughing at the fact that we have two turkeys. But then your mother says to put her turkey in the fridge, so we can save it for later, Well I wouldn't have planned for that. I'd have opened our fridge and saw there was no space. I'd have to leave the turkey out to go bad, which would garner disapproving stares from every party involved."

"So...you want six mini fridges because...?" I asked Tom.

"I don't want the turkey to go bad."

"Are we still talking about fridges?"

All of the pro athletes ate cupcakes

Sometimes they catch fire, that's why there are disclaimers

Life of ramen.

"Can some please take that love struck vampire out of the dammn court room"

Heh I love it

The guide quickly beckoned us closer.

"If you look now, you can observe an interesting phenomenon called 'death.' Entirely practiced only by lifeforms originating from the planet designated as Earth. Scientists have been researching the phenomenon for eons, but it is not yet known why these lifeforms participate in this peculiar activity."

I craned my neck further to get a glimpse of the humans. There were eight of them standing in a circle, around one singular human lying on the floor. The lone human was of the sub-species female, and seemed to be performing their respiratory functions with noticeable difficulty.

The guide began again. "See how they gather around the one who they refer to as dying? See how it resembles our ancestor's very own Egru'tar?"

I nodded. The Egru'tar was our traditional 'religious movements.' While it was done by every member of my species in days of old, only the devout and the First still practice it.

"Because of this, it has been speculated that 'death' is a religious tradition. It has been debated that dying is actually an act of supreme worship, and that all earthlings are required to do it at some point. Interestingly enough, when a human has finished dying, all their bodily functions cease to operate in a desired way. Including brain activity."

An audible gasp rippled through our group. One member piped up, "But how is that possible? Surely their soul cannot leave their flesh?"

The guide shook one of their heads, "It still is not known how this occurs. But that seems to be the case. After they have finished dying, they cannot move, talk or think. They are just hollow...empty, so to speak."

"Then why would the earthlings want to do it?" Someone else asked.

"Some would do anything to get closer to their gods."

As the guide spoke that, the lying earthling ceased all of their movements. The other earthlings began to cry out, a sharp and hollow sound that seemed to pierce the air. I shivered as the noise flooded my olfactory receptors.

The guide looked at them. "Crying. Another religious observation practiced by the earthlings. I will tell you about it now."

"Hey man, uh, funny story. Remember when you said that I shouldn't try using the pitching machine at it's fastest setting? Well, I tried using it on it's fastest setting anyways and, um, to put it lightly... we have a bigger problem now."

I DID NOT EXPECT THAT WHAT- That is really good good job :D

record scratch "You probably wonder how I ended up in this situation." "No, I don't. I know pretty well what happened. Also, where the hell did you get a record?" "I'm not talking to you, idiot."

Well, thank you for the absolutely awesome prompt!

“Her father died last year at war, and last week her mother passed. She had been running for most of the day trying to make sure this attempt to get away from her stepfather is successful. “This deep in the woods that monster won’t find me,” she thinks to herself. Watching her in the bushes was a different type of monster.”

(Not really no context but it has worked for braking blocks)

I rolled my eyes at her, "Who's going to respect me if I don't murder in style?"

"I get that, it's just...pink. Really? Nobody's going to take you seriously!"

I turned away from her, shaking my head. "I never said anything about them taking me seriously! What if I wanted to feign insanity? I couldn't do that wearing leather and a denim jacket, could I? Crime is an art and I have perfected it!" I spun back around to face her, and jabbed a finger into her stomach. "Obviously, you wouldn't understand things such as these. I have a job to do, and I'll do it how I damn well please!"

She looked hurt. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on her, it was her first day after all. "And the bodies?"

"They've been placed in various ways, to subtly clue the detectives to our exact location. My guess is that they are about an hour away. Everything else is running smoothly."

She nodded sharply, and began to bounce on the soles of her feet. I eyed her curiously, "What's wrong Dani? Afraid?"

She looked up at me. "Well...uhh...yeah, kinda. What if it goes wrong?"

I laughed until tears flowed. "Are you suggesting that my work would fail? That those bumbling buffoons could do nothing but quiver in fear. They don't want to deal with me. I'll kill them, and they know it."

"So what's with all the games? All the killings? Can't you just scare the police into doing what you want?"

Come now, where's the fun in that?"

She did not respond.

I decided to probe her further. "Dani, have you ever tortured someone to the brink of insanity?"

"Well yeah. "Course I have."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"I suppose I did."

"Of course it was! What type of self-depreciating villain doesn't like torturing someone? To push them over the edge! To make them plead for respite! Who wouldn't love the thrill?"

"Well, I don't know."

"You see Dani, I don't torture people physically anymore. No, torturing them mentally is so much more fun! Letting those idiots of officers believe I'll stop the killings if they do just one more thing for me. Let them think they are so close to being free! Do you understand this, Dani?"

"I...I think I do."

I smiled. "I think your going to love being my lead henchwoman."

“What could possibly go wrong?”

“Yeah I…don’t think those oven mitts are coming back any time soon.”

Ok we need to talk. 6 fish tanks in the dorm is too many.

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

"Since when can you buys souls in bulk?"

"How was I supposed to know he isn't waterproof?"

"You think yourself the greatest inventor, yet here you are, just a freak locked in a display cage"

"You've gathered more amazing objects than I ever hoped to see. And now you've placed me among them. Are you sure your side of the cage is safer than mine?"

[removed]

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T EAT MY LEFT FOOT?!"

They never trained you for this.

"Way too easy, was it? How about now, huh? Healing bastard. Try healing this!"

"Wait... You're the... Baitman... NOT the Batman?"

“How the hell are we going to save the world with a handful of magic sand, duct tape and Sarah’s lunch?!”

"Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me...!"

'The stars only shine at night' (ominously)

The last time this happened, there was a dwarf, a magician, and an accountant in the room. Not sure how were getting out of it this time.

Look, this was all just a misunderstanding. The communists were right on the horizon.

...And that's when I bought the horse a prostitute!

''I didn't do it. But if they want a villain, I will give them one.''

If you don't stop saying you're not evil

"RUN ITS THE FURRY INVASION!!"

"Conner.., what are you doing? What, no! Conner don't eat the kitchen!"

"Love can you stop talking in your sleep??, Last night you said gibberish and a dragon appeared outside"

"That cat, man, always turning into the strangest things."

You solved world hunger with what?!

"It wasn't my idea to give him a cheesecake. It was pure self sabotage"

"The price was never yours to pay"

''She struggled to catch her breath and her feet stung and burned with every step. But she doesn't stop despite the paint that started building in her legs. All she knew was that she must not stop running, under any circumstances, until she she glimpsed the lights.''

"Well," she said exhaustedly, "I guess that explains the elephant in the room, but what about the actual elephant in the room?"

A grenade is no longer your friend once you pull the pin out.

Explosives are no longer permited as officeappliances

“I swear to god, I did NOT put the fish there!”

"So which of you mofo is getting shipped off to the princess."

[deleted]

“You have turbo cancer”

your TV is on the moon

The spider just ate a dragon!

"They beat him black and blue, Max!"

"Wasn't he already blue and black?"

"I know! They swapped his colors!"

The three kindest words anyone can say. "I forgive you."

"Apparently, gun control laws don't really apply to lasers"

“I get you used to be vegan but beet juice is not a substitute for blood”

Did someone really just leave that out in the open for anyone to take?

They’re running from the Eldridge horror that’s slowly been chasing for the past month. Now it’s your problem.

"Now why the FUCK are there so many frogs in my apartment?!"