LPT Request: How do you intentionally develop a new habit as an adult?

Submitted by Jelopuddinpop t3_z5fbz2 in LifeProTips

This is shameful to admit, but I've somehow made it to my late 30's and have never been great at doing my laundry and keeping my room tidy. I went from my parents doing it, right to a live in gf who became my wife, to being a single middle aged man-child. I have an 80+ work week with significant responsibilities, and just can't seem to get into the habit of doing my laundry.

I've hired a cleaning service that cleans the rest of my house 1x week, but my bedroom is locked and off limits. I need it to be my responsibity to keep my room clean, but between my hectic work schedule and social life, I just can't seem to get into the habit of doing it.

I just realized what a problem it's become when I started dating again (very recently). After a few dates with an amazing woman, she asked why I never had her over to spend the night. I made up some shitty excuse that she didn't buy, and I got ghosted. The reality is that I was ashamed of how cluttered my bedroom was, and didn't want her to see.

I need help!

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jaybeesaur t1_ixvteqp wrote

I don't remember who said it, Marie kondo or someone else, but "don't put it down; put it away" don't put anything in a temporary place "just for now I'll pick it up later" is just making more work, more mess, more clutter, more filth. If it's clothes, don't put it on the floor or chair or wherever, put it in the basket. (Don't overfill your basket, when it's full it's time for a load. When it comes out of the dryer, fold it straight from the dryer and use the basket to transfer it to it's destination or skip the basket and use your hands if you think you may put the basket down before the task is finished.) "Out of sight out of mind" is a bad thing, if you walk away from it, you will forget about it and it will pile up.

"Don't put it down, put it away" is a nice phrase to remind yourself throughout the day not to make a mess. Empty cup you just finished? Don't put it down on the table, put it away in the sink. You can use the principle of this for every aspect of home keeping that requires tidying

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Jelopuddinpop OP t1_ixw20tv wrote

This reminds me of my teenage years working in a restaurant. The manager had a policy RE: going from the front of the house to the back of the house. "Hands in, hands out", meaning every time you go in the back, bring something dirty with you. Whenever you leave the back, bring something clean with you. It really kept the restaurant running smooth when literally everyone was responsible for cleaning as they went.

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jaybeesaur t1_ixwno9z wrote

That's a great life lesson to bring with you! Apply it! In my house we "wash more than you use" for dishes because preparing and cleaning up after a meal is ideal but you should also clean some silverware that's been used for smaller things like snacks where you don't want to waste soap or whatever

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Dull_Lavishness7701 t1_ixvs00l wrote

The best way to form a habit, I've found, is to schedule it. For example, clear your work and social calendars and just say between 4 and 430 everyday I will do X. And you do it at the same time, everyday until eventually you start to anticipate, o yeah it's almost 4, time to do X. And after a little while it just is a habit not. The first few days are tough because you really have to commit to doing it though

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Jelopuddinpop OP t1_ixvsf5u wrote

I don't know why I never thought of this, but scheduling would actually help. I would need to put it on my public work calendar to avoid work stuff, but I could name it anything. I'm on call via zoom or phone 24/7, so pseudo-scheduling anything is futile.

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Key-Pomegranate4569 t1_iy0pt1z wrote

Yes!! Scheduling is super powerful! You could also check out James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” book

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ww11gunny t1_ixvrudd wrote

Step 1 take a week vacation from work. Get your room spotless clean in that week.

Step 2 get a garbage can to keep in the room. Also get a laundry basket that you immediately throw dirt clothes into.

Step 3 always immediately as you make a mess or have garbage throw it in the garbage can. Also as soon as you get done with anything put it back where it belongs. When the garbage can gets full immediately take the garbage bag out and replace with new one. And take the full garbage bag to the dumpster.

Doing this helps keep your room relatively clean at all times with all you needing to do is things like dusting, sweeping and mopping floors if non carpeted or vacuuming if carpeted once a week or two. And is something you can take care of fast if your girlfriend is coming over and it hasn't been done for a bit.

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shijinn t1_ixvu4nh wrote

there is no shame here you work 80+ hrs a week! so just move your laundry and most of the clutter out of your room and leave it for the cleaning service. you can clean what little is left in your room.

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nomorecheeks t1_ixvv0ei wrote

Do you ever have zooms, etc. where you get to be off camera/mostly listening? When I have those, I take advantage by making that my straightening up time.

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radiantmemories t1_ixweqo5 wrote

There’s a really great book on making habits as an adult, called Atomic Habits. It shows you step by step how to make new habits and explains the psychology behind it in a really easy-to-understand way.

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ABena2t t1_ixvqi2k wrote

idk about developing a new habit but laundry isn't hard. you just need a laundry basket. The trick is - don't let it get dirty/unorganized in the 1st place. Do it as you go. Little bit at a time. Don't come home and throw a sweater on the floor or socks on the floor. Throw them in a laundry basket. Don't leave a bag of chips on your dresser or water bottles or whatever. Take the 2 seconds and clean as you go. If it starts to get cluttered - then it's just downhill from there. And then cleaning becomes a project - which just keeps getting pushed back and then never done. This probably isn't the answer you were looking for but it worked for me.

And don't be a hoarder. if you have to much stuff it can be overwhelming. Get rid of junk you don't need. If you have shit everywhere it can be overwhelming mentally

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timmyboyoyo t1_ixwdhkl wrote

If you have 80 hour work week, get someone else to do your laundry

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girltuesday t1_ixwf2ob wrote

Honestly this. It's hard for anyone, even with good habits, to keep up when you're working that much. Get a service.

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Ok_Knee1216 t1_ixxj0od wrote

Simplify things.

Only buy one type of sock, and buy a dozen. Any two are a pair.

Make your bed simple. Use a duvet cover and a bottom sheet. Make your bed in 15 seconds.

Have a work "uniform" slacks and a button down shirt, and a weekend "uniform" jeans and a long sleeve polo. Have enough for a week.

Things like these are time savers, but also mental energy savers.

Systems.

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keepthetips t1_ixvp180 wrote

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tallnskinnymikey t1_ixvt3e5 wrote

Just do it, if you think about doing laundry…do it

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leftyontheleft t1_ixw0r65 wrote

Some similar suggestions to others - the key is to create systems that make it easier to do what you intend. A laundry bin with sections for light and dark, another basket for shuttling to/from washer and dryer. Fold directly out of the dryer. Do ten minutes of tidying each day, scheduled with a reminder. Add a reminder to change sheets weekly, have two sets so it's quick and you aren't waiting for laundry.

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LakanicaN7 t1_ixwxpsi wrote

Start small and repeat. Make one small change at a time and keep at it until it's habit, then add to it. It's a lot easier to take it a step at a time.

For chores, I find checklists and schedules helpful.

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xanneonomousx t1_ixwyt23 wrote

We’ve been so overwhelmed with a lot in our life and started getting piles. We set a timer for ten minutes and get as much done in that time. Sometimes I will keep hangers by the dryer and as I pull laundry out, it gets hung up and put away. If it helps, pick an item and start with all of those. Fold all the towels. Then the wash clothes. Hang all the shirts and fold your pants. Then handle socks and underwear.

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MJohnVan t1_ixx04xr wrote

If you’re rich people will become blind to your red flags.

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PurpleFlame8 t1_ixy3t7q wrote

I find that watching an episode of hoarders is good motivation to clean.

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Inostranez t1_ixvqrrd wrote

Throw away everything except the bed, a big TV and PS5 and decluttering is done.

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OregonGrown34 t1_ixw4h4w wrote

Better LPT here is to do nothing in your bedroom other than sleep. TV, video games, etc. are all distractions you shouldn't have when trying to sleep.

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Inostranez t1_ixy9s1j wrote

>TV,

TV doesn't mean to disrupt your sleep hygiene. Try to search "cozy ambience" on Youtube, I bet you'll send me a 6-pack of cold ones when you discover how it helps with reading/studying/to calm down after a work day :)

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OregonGrown34 t1_iy1hga3 wrote

That sort of thing can be accomplished without a TV though. My point still stands and I believe it's more healthy to not have a TV in the bedroom.

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timmyboyoyo t1_ixwdj1s wrote

The smile on your face!

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Inostranez t1_ixya6bp wrote

Srsly, what else does a single big boi need in this bedroom? Maybe I missed mentioning a nightstand for condoms, e-book and alarm clock (yes, old stylish alarm clock is cool and prevents you from grabbing a cellphone instantly after waking up)

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samfo56 t1_ixwnd6v wrote

80 hours??? That’s ridiculous and not sustainable.

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Jelopuddinpop OP t1_ixwplur wrote

Well, it's the choice I made. I was raised in a doublewide without hot water, and now I'm on pace to retire by 50 with mid- six figures of passive income. Live and work like nobody else when you're young so you can live like very few get the chance to later. It's all about life choices, and everyone is free to make the ones that fit them best.

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palimbackwards t1_ixx3tek wrote

Hire a housekeeper then to periodically clean

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Jelopuddinpop OP t1_ixx4aet wrote

I have a cleaning service for the rest of the house, but I'm not comfortable with them in my office or bedroom. This one is on me!!

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