A priest and a nun in a desert cabin

Submitted by boa_constrictor t3_zktvum in Jokes

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.

They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the night the nun calls out,

- "Father, Father I'm cold!"

So the priest gets up and puts another blanket on the nun.

- "Is that better Sister?" he asks.

- "Yes Father, much better," she replies.

So he gets back in his sleeping bag and starts to nod off when she again calls out with,

- "Father I'm still cold!"

So once again the priest gets up and puts another blanket on her, ensuring she is tucked into the bed well.

- "Is that better Sister?" he asks.

- "Oh yes Father, that's much better," she says.

So the priest gets himself back into the sleeping bag and this time is just starting to dream when he wakes up to her call of,

- "Father, Father I'm just so cold!"

The priest thinks long about this and finally says,

- "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. No one but you, myself, and the lord himself will ever know what happens here this night. How about, just for this night, we act as though we were married?"

The nun thinks on this for a minute, she can't help but admit to herself she's been curious, and finally answers with a tentative,

- "OK Father, just for tonight, we will act as though we are married."

So the Father replies,

- "Get up and get your own damned blanket ya cow!" and rolls over to fall asleep.

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Comments

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bussin_boy t1_j01nh3t wrote

Happy cake day, wasn’t expecting the end. Nice one.

148

FalseSpring t1_j01pgz3 wrote

Freezing cold, but they initially only took a couple blankets from (apparently) a pretty large stack of blankets? Seems a little unrealistic.

124

MycologistLoud4030 t1_j01qmn2 wrote

She wasn't his type. If the nun had been a choirboy it would have been a different joke entirely

58

Waitsfornoone t1_j01u4dn wrote

Nice gender reversal on the 'train sleeping berth' joke. I like this one better.

227

px1618 t1_j0287qt wrote

I thought that the priest was going to use his secret "plant the seed and need for Speed" technique to keep the nun warm

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Olap t1_j02er3s wrote

Doesn't the last line read: "The nun farted"

−10

TooShiftyForYou t1_j02eydw wrote

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead.

Now completely stranded the priest said, "Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father," replied the nun. "In fact, I don't think we can last more than day or two out here."

"I agree," answered the priest. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you mind doing something for me?"

"Anything father." replied the nun.

"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."

The nun hesitated, "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." She opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts.

"Sister would you mind if I touched them?" he asked.

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

The nun asked, "Father, could I ask something of you?"

"Yes sister?"

"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"

"Well under the circumstances, I suppose that would be OK." the priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh father, may I touch it?"

This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he became quite aroused.

"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."

"Is that true father?" asked the nun.

"Yes it is, sister."

"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the fuck out of here."

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kembervon t1_j02lyyl wrote

I was expecting a hogging the blankets joke.

169

Sfumatographer t1_j02pz72 wrote

That made laugh out loud. Read it to my wife and she got a good laugh out of it too!! Thanks!!

8

IamUltimatelyWin t1_j02qua7 wrote

Replying to bussin_boy (#919,383)

I was expecting something like:

So the two of them climb into the bed together. The Priest snuggled against her and places his hand on her breast.

The nun shifts and groans. "Not tonight," she says, "I don't feel like it."

The priest rolled to his back, stymied and frustrated. "I see the problem," he muttered. "You're not cold. You're frigid."

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IamUltimatelyWin t1_j03ac1j wrote

Replying to Darnoc777 (#922,070)

M*A*S*H is experiencing a resurgence I think. I watched reruns on TV with my dad in the 90s, and now my wife and I are watching it. I feel like I've been hearing people talk about it more and more lately.

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-ll_Y_ll- t1_j03dofq wrote

Wait, was the cabin dry and sandy or sweet and chocolatey?

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IamUltimatelyWin t1_j03ltts wrote

Replying to bahgheera (#922,593)

Bro, I think you were just watching it as it aired.

From Wikipedia: MAS*H (an acronym for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) is an American war comedy-drama television series that aired on CBS from September 17, 1972 to February 28, 1983

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hockri_J t1_j03mzb0 wrote

How do you tell a good nun from a bad nun??? It's in the way they say "amen".

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lvroye01 t1_j042ed0 wrote

That one got me!!!

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Malvastor t1_j04c1rd wrote

Replying to jojo69bola (#923,373)

Honestly? I can't think of anything. The Bible doesn't shy away from frank descriptions of some nasty stuff, but I can't think of any instances of camel lovin'.

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BillyQz t1_j04dkc0 wrote

Nun "I want a divorce!"

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Superfrenziedbob t1_j04e5pw wrote

Hey at least she didn't have to see his corwadice of a penis

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Ewetootwo t1_j04gh9u wrote

“Then shovel us out of here in the morning, that will warm ya up.

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Moxie_58 t1_j04hhkd wrote

What does camel taste like? 🫢

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whovianlogic t1_j04o9j7 wrote

hahaha i hate my wife hahaha. boomer shit.

−1

GirlCowBev t1_j04pupz wrote

So much better without the epithet at the end. 🙄😒

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Full-Association-175 t1_j04qdh3 wrote

The world says hard pass. I'm pretty sure it was the part where it was said a priest was a gentleman. But then I realized it was the part about a priest and a nun realistically being pictured together as married. Well, we know the movie Deliverance was a documentary, so this has that same kind of smell if you ask me.

−4

Full-Association-175 t1_j04qtvu wrote

A priest and a nun walk past Sears. The sign says "little boys pants, half off." The nun says, "that's great! I'll have to get some for my little nephew Johnny!" She looked around, but the priest was already headed in the door with a six pack, a box of Lucky charms, and a few buddies from up at the diocese office.

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donzell2kx t1_j04rgrc wrote

🤣🤣 That one made me LOLZ!!

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Me-n-tal t1_j051cru wrote

Ha, because religious people

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B_Devil78 t1_j055wj8 wrote

Priest told this joke a my wedding

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Equivalent-Ad-1927 t1_j056itp wrote

They should of done it. That would have been more interesting.

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Howsurchinstrap t1_j058rf2 wrote

Replying to MycologistLoud4030 (#919,524)

A priest and a Boy Scout troop and scout leader are on a flight. Pilot acknowledges plane is having trouble, pilot says “we are gonna have to bale”. He grabs the parachutes but the priest says “there is only 3 parachutes “. “What do we do with the Boy Scout troop “? Pilot turns and says “fuck’em”. Priest and scout leader says “do you think we have time”?

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transformedxian t1_j059sxy wrote

Replying to 2Ben3510 (#924,007)

I'll see your incest and raise you dismemberment of a corpse. Young Levite tosses his concubine out into the street where she gets gang raped and left to die, which she does the next morning. He cuts her body into 12 pieces and sends one piece to each of the tribes.

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BEN684 t1_j05emnv wrote

Happy cakeday

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alpha-mobi t1_j05golb wrote

I don’t control the weather Jackie

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theXpanther t1_j05khdt wrote

Replying to WordsMort47 (#925,831)

Because he was angry. All the Israelites gathered and fought the benjamintes, and destroyed the city, and killed ask the women. They also promised never to let their daughters marry a benaminite.

However, then some smart people realized they actually needed all 12 tribes so that encouraged the remaining benaminites to kidnap some women to marry. This saved them from extinction but it the tribe always stayed small.

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Goiyon t1_j062436 wrote

Replying to drvirgilmd (#925,207)

So a desert doesn't need to be hot, only dry. An area is designated a desert when its annual precipitation is under a certain level. The largest desert on Earth? The Antarctic.

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Mr-Qulop t1_j06ti85 wrote

Replying to GirlCowBev (#924,481)

If you didn’t want to be a fat cow you could always workout. SkeeBall is a fantastic activity to engage your full body. By being a consistent SkeeBaller you’ll strengthen your core and improve your flexability. SkeeBall might even help you regain confidence and allow you to finally laugh at silly jokes that don’t involve you.

0

Malvastor t1_j06tk15 wrote

Replying to WordsMort47 (#925,831)

To send a visceral, grisly message about the Benjaminites' crime. He could say what they did in a letter, but that doesn't have the same impact without a visual aid. And since it was several thousand years before the first camera...

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transformedxian t1_j072s3c wrote

Replying to WordsMort47 (#925,831)

The Levite and his concubine (could have been a lesser wife since polygamy was allowed and her father supported the relationship) were staying with an elderly man in Gibeah. The men of the town came to the house and demanded the old man give them his male guests (the Levite and his servant) to sexually abuse. He wouldn't but tossed out his virgin daughter and the concubine instead. The Levite sends parts of his concubine to the tribes to shake them up out of their moral lassitude. (But let's not ignore the fact he himself did this despicable, reprehensible thing himself in allowing a woman in his care to be abused like this.)

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