A love poem where every remark about the other person is an insult. (“10 Things I Hate About You” and Sonnet 130 are perfect examples)

“He went that-a way!” I shout pointing down the street and shut the door in their faces. That outta throw them off his trail.

It was certainly hard work building such a massive structure in such an inhospitable environment. The Awakening had reconnected the world to the wells and streams of ancient magic which had been sealed away in the planet’s core eons ago. Now the forces and beings of bygone myths and legends were beginning to reappear.

I was fortunate to come from a long line of dreamers who struggled to draw even a fraction of the old magic back up and out into the world again. When the power returned, my body and mind were prepared to receive it. I gained telekinesis and quickly found that I could exert a hand-shaped force at least one hundred times my strength.

I set out to become the Demon Lord I had always dreamed of. Along the way, I recruited others who had been affected by the surge of magic. Some struggled to accept it and received transformed bodies as a result, capable of wielding their new power. Orcs, elves, cyclops’s, and even lizard-folk. Any being of legend was possible now. Together we would build a home where we could all be safe and happy.

As we approached the mountains, we began to encounter more animals and even plants which had been effected by the surge. Dire wolves, runebears, and even harpies who once were peaceful hawks had begun to prowl and quarrel in this new power structure. With our combined forces, we suffered no casualties beyond minor cuts and bruises.

The construction took a total of four months after we finally reached a suitable clearing. Fortunately the local climate was typically mild. We followed the news only at a distance. Of course there was chaos everywhere, since humans are naturally opposed to such drastic and extreme change, but we had already dedicated ourselves to this task. There was no going back now.

The quarried stone, carefully treated lumber, and even the cement we had to mix largely by hand. I now had an intimate knowledge of every single spec of this glorious keep, like nothing I had ever experienced before. This wasn’t just a home. This was a dream that we all came together and built for ourselves. This was our labor of love.

… So you can imagine my surprise to learn that we are under siege by a group of 6 teenagers calling themselves “heroes”. Apparently one was able to blast a hole through the main gate big enough for their vanguard to jump through and begin assaulting my people. I am told that my response held such force that all who witnessed it swore that gravity had shifted by ninety degrees, as I flew out of my keep and dragged every violent trespasser out with me.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” I scream as I attempt to keep a clear head. With my powers as they are now: even imagining the act of harming these fools could put their lives at risk “Well, if it isn’t the evil demon lord. We’ve come to defeat you!” The vanguard shouts as if he were a child with a toy.

“Can it, Jason!” Shouts the sorceress who destroyed the gate. The remainder were two sword and shield wielding soldiers, a medic in plate mail, and a rogue with enough concealed knives to break a metal detector “We know you’ve been squatting on this government property for months now, poaching the local wildlife, and building an army of monsters. It all ends today” the sorceress is clearly the leader, while the vanguard is simply delusional.

“Do you truly believe this wildlife is what needs protecting anymore?” I dangle them all over a venus flytrap I’ve been meaning to pull. It strikes and snaps at their legs, but cannot reach. These days they mainly feed on rabbits, deer if they’re lucky. “And as for those ‘monsters’, I’ll have you know they still retain everything that once made them human. Now they simply have more. All we want is to live in peace, free of psycho’s like you trying to say we shouldn’t exist. As for the land ownership: yes, currently we are squatting. It would elate me beyond words to be able to buy this property from the government officially, but they refused my applications. I had no idea they would send hitmen!”

Unfortunately this had given the rogue enough time to plan. They pulled a boot knife and threw it at my arm. In order to stop it telekinetically I had to drop one of them. I chose the medic. I remembered a lake to the west and threw the remainder of the party into it. Enough to scare the pants off them without serious injury. The medic did not understand this.

“You damned monster! I’ll kill you!” The medic grabs a viciously spiked shield as they charge at me. I lift myself over him “You’re friends are safe, I just threw them in the lake. You should run after them and make sure they all know how to swim” he pauses for a moment before realizing the lake I’m referring to. “Well… fine… but you haven’t seen the last of us. We will be back, and we Will defeat you…!” He turns and runs off.

I’m hoping to at least get a day out of this to repair and fortify the stronghold. I had no intention of building armaments on it initially because we had no desire for violence, but clearly that is all that these “heroes” understand. I’m grateful no one died from their attack, but how long before the first casualty falls? If it is one of mine, they will see it as progress toward their victory. If it is theirs, they will refuse to quit until they avenge their fallen comrade.

I’ll think about it over coffee.

Alex Miller is Certain that he is being spied on by a secret government cabal.