My coworker lost his job, his license, and is currently in jail because of repeat DUI. Not funny. Don't drink the night before work.

My sister has CMT. Sometimes called sharky foot because the bones break so easily. She wants broke her ankle just stepping off a curb.

I agree it's not for children. So many dead children in that movie.

Princess Diana and the Queen are driving down the lane when their car is forced off the road by masked thieves. “Out of the car and hand over your jewels.” After the thieves rob them and steal their car, Diana begins to put her earrings, necklace, and rings back on. “Wherever did you hide those,” demanded the Queen. “Where do you think?” asked Diana. “Pity Margaret wasn’t here,” said the Queen. “We could have saved the Bentley.”
-Joan Rivers

Are you my son? I get these calls from my kids.

I also recommend a target date mutual fund. It gets you into an age-appropriate mix of stocks & bonds, rebalances occasionally, and the fees are low if you go with Fidelity or Vanguard. It's a good hands-off fund.

I thought midwesterners are so nice