Hah! This guy, he's on the list of lives to be ruined so Eyy, guess I have something to do!
This job keeps hell's economy, and population, rising, or falling if you'd rather. Evan Steven Limehorton, seems normal for Earth standards, time to do what i do best!
POOF
Leaping out at this guy in a fancy suit I make it my mission to make him feel useless and set him on a path that will drag him down with me!
"Watch where you're going earthling! Actually, c'mere!"
POOF
"This is when you were born, nothing special, next slide!"
POOF
"This is your first major achievement", some dorky kid won his first award, nice!
POOF
"This is your death." He's probably thinking I broke some code or somthing, old age, the most mediocre way to die.
POOF
"This is your first and somehow last love" What is this, he got rizz? That's interesting, a basic girl for a boring guy, booringggg
POOF
"This is the world after your death." His girlfriend died first so eh, noone to mourn him, somehow the guy stayed silent through that "Dude, you alright, they normally scream after seeing their death, dude, man, what happened?" Agh dammit! The spell grabbed a dog instead, a surprizingly quiet dog, but still the WRONG PERSON.

I teleport back to the office and try to take the guy Scrooge style, oooooohhhhhh spoookkyyyy, nope, next tactic, "Have you ever wondered how significant you are? Come here and find out!" This prick is ignoring me, how dare he!!!
"Man, dude, EVAN STEVENSON" yeah I got his name wrong, but that should work, right?

The man finally looks back "Finally, that took FOREVER I could've reaped a few souls in that time!" He looks at me blankly 'what do you want?' He reaches towards his ears, I now have his attention, at long last, I say my business pitch "Hey, kid, wanna know how the world remembers you after you die/expire?" He looks unamused, what???

After failing to grab this one man's soul, I go to the next one, Bethany Boname, a chick, nicee. Popping out of the list I see THE SAME WORKPLACE, the girl looks familiar, great- it's boring's girl, whatever "Hey, lassy, come here!"
POOF
This time I check to see who I have, a very confused looking couple hold hands, Evan whishpers something to Bethany, she seems to match his face now. FOR FU- right, I need to do a job here,
"This is your first meeting" Radio silence
"This is your death, Beth." She cries into Evan's suit, wow, weakkkkk!
"This is what happens after your death" A sad lonely man, all alone, how typical. The lovebirds hold hands looking into each others eyes.
POOF
Violently transporting them to the world after Evan's death I show them nothing changes after both of them die, that seems to get their attention, right? They're terrified and will realise they can just you know, turn to sin. What are they doing, oh no, praying, well then, if they want to play that way, I teleport them back to the workforce with a nice, sparkling tatoo on their hands, done! Next person please!

~Under the Ocean~
It was a month after that fated, wonderful, terrible day, the sisters welcomed me the lost mermaid with open arms, her garden still shining, BOOM another failed cannonball, The castle has lost another turrent, the fish swimming out.

~The daughters of the air~
We cry more and more each day, the fathers are away and the children are misbehaving and there's nothing we can do. Our days prolonged further each moment, hope seems to be fading. We must stay positive in this purgatory. Most of us heal the wounded in this senseless war, the mermaids with no soul and the humans are more alike than we thought.

~A kingdom soldier~
This nonsensical war with the sea has started, yeah sure the party boy prince and his cushion warmer have left, why must I get involved. The mandatory army signups bringing literal children to the war, the pristine palace pretending to be innocent. Black funeral banners everywhere you look, this is all unnecessary, my brother in the navy lost out at sea, possibly carried away with what we refer to as sirens, all light is lost with one singular life.

~The seawitch~
Alas, the blade was thrown, the prince fallen, all goes well, aside from the reckless ruckus outside my walls, praise the caverns of the land, for they contain solitude, curse the noise this brings.

~The navy survivor~
CRASH our ship goes down, all hands on deck, attempts to salvage this now scuttled wreck lessening in frequency, all goes down into the depths. The air and sea, freezing, we fall, I struggle for safety and find my way onto the shores of a neighbouring kingdom. Praising the lord I hope they take kindly to me and allow my weary soul to rest. Maybe I could find some carrier pidgeon to send a message to the army defending the castle on seige.

~The child~
Father and brother have left for war, everything is scary, my mother weeps nightly, I attempt to comfort her to no avail, could it possibly be the letter she recieved a fortnight ago? I dearly hope my father and eldest brother return together soon and tell me those delightful tales of adventure once more!

When I fell gobsmack in the middle of nowhere, I was surprized I retained all my memories, like seriously, I even had my favourite gun, not like I'd even get to use it here. The flowering feilds, the berry bushes, the shiny, pretty, rainbow everything, the woodland creatures and amazingly dressed adventurers, townsfolk. It's like I just entered a game, well I sort of did, seems I have a luxury item, the gun spell! I collect some berries and put them in my backpack, so I miight be a doomsday planner, so what? No zombie apocolypse here, no siree, just light, happiness, rainbows and a huge mound of shadow coming towards me, wait what? Running on adrenaline and instinct alone, I fire three shots head, heart, balls, I know it's improper, but hey, I panicked.

A sparkly 12 year old runs up to me, looking quite mad, her eyes are pink and shiny, who is she, walmart chibi moon in a larger dress? "What in the seven goddesses are you doing? We had the guy, and you destroy him before we can ask for information! I don't even know what spell you used, are you a wizard of the dark arts or something, an artificer way ahead of our time, an other worldly traveler? Explain yourself stranger!" WOW, she talks a lot, clearing my throat, I start rambling.

"For starters, he looks extremely terrifying, I have a thing, it's called a gun, it shoots and it keeps me safe, I am from another world, and am very disorientated, everything is weird, there is seemingly no doom, and I think I might have infinite ammo, what is going on?" I think I said more that moment than the last few months on earth! I think my hair is a little more wavy now, and my build more muscular. Discount Madoka Kaname stands up on her toes and starts talking even more, in an extremely high UWU voice, what on earth?

"You killed a guy we were tracking for days! At least join the resistance before doing that!"
"A resistance?" It seems this place isn't as safe as I thought, standing in an action stance and keeping my guard up I watch alertly, "Yeah, a resistance against the evil sugar fairies, they are stopping everyone else from being happy!" That- seems majorly less problematic than a zombie apocolypse, ah well, might as well join. "Sure, I'm in, you guys will feed me, give me shelter, maybe pay me, and give me water and like other basic needs right?"

"Uhhh, sure! Whatever you want funny man, just don't shoot anyone else pleaseeee?"
That seems reasonable, I nod my head and start following the skipping fake glitter heart. After a good five minutes of walking to town I start seeing traces of civilisation, garnering a lot of weird stares I see stalls selling all sorts of goods, as if my stomach was also seeing the sights, it grumbles. "Oh, it seems it's tea time, huh, neato, you don't have gold, silver, or things to trade do you?" What, isn't it obvious I'm broke, I fell out of the sky for goodness sakes! Don't tell me, she's broke too. "Are you also broke?" She looks at me, eyes wide, like when she saw me commit a major crime, but somehow worse "What, it's just a question." She seems to be shocked, "You have the audacity to assume a high ranking PRINCESS is broke, moneyless, and on the same level as a commoner? No offence, if you are a commoner though... yeah-"

"So, we both have no money, the only goods we have are your dumb sparkles and some tiny berries that I picked."
"Yeah, wait, berries? I have a duplication spell, let's do this! We can sell the excess too!"
"That's actually not a bad idea little anime girlie." Hopefully they have anime in this world.
"Anime? Either way, get those berries out forger!" Oh, no anime, well fake Taito, here are your berries, I am momentarily blinded by bright as the stars pink, until I see the berries growing out to split into more berries, she readies the spell, I put my head down and cover it with both my arms. "Done! let's trade and eat fellow brokeness"

We walk into the market stall after eating some somehow sweeter berries, we somehow managed to get a Shifu looking red panda to buy some in exchange for some gold, "OH MY GOSH, WE'RE RICH!!!" ow, my ears "Why are you yelling? Doesn't everyone here use that stuff?" "Yeah, but like gold is a huuuggeee deal here, its worth like half of my castle!" What- maybe the monarchy is failing here, or everyone is a princess with a castle, "Ok, how much is a gold actually worth though?"
"Oh, right, you don't know, around 3 thousand berries, 100 silver, 1000 copper, 10000 tin."
This system reminds me of some fantasy ones for some reason, but eh, not the worst way for an economy to work, we walk the market hoping to find me some clothes and her a new spell book or something.

"Ready or not here I come! Baarbieee! Where are you?"
Three weeks of this fricking job- darn it, I still cannot swear fudge this shooty contract. This was meant to be a clown's job, not a fallen goddess's. At least she thinks I am pretty, stuck hiding in a literal closet, I wait for my torment to end. In an odd way, I am the monster in the closet she asks me to check for, she probably knows that though, who knew that a dumb summoning party for a 'bloody mary' would bring ME OF ALL ENTITIES to this DARNED PLANE. One week ago a budding satanist had her 5th birthday, all was alright, until they said the WRONG ENCHANTMENT.

A divine contract I literally could not refuse, funk hell's rules, I had power once, a singular black rose in a plane of ash, I made mankind lust, made them all fools, an empress of darkness, all reduced to a simple 'barbie' if I were to break free, the 1st thing I'd do is burn all the world in beautiful flame, take control, start a newer, smarter civilisation, but nooo- I am STUCK HERE being this girl's 'only real friend' her existence should be short, but it feels painfully long.

"I found youuuu, Barbie!" I sigh, her infernal giggling haunting my mind. "You're counting now! I have the best hiding spot ever, don't look in the kitchen!" I start counting down from 20, 19, 18, 17, etc. Children, so very idiotic, so simply controlled, except for the fact that I CANNOT HARM THE CHILD- I decide to play along for once in my glamorous life, strutting elegantly, towards the brat's bedroom, looking around, prolonging the inevitable find, "Boo! I was behind you the whole time!" It seems she isn't as dumb as she looks, there may still be hope in this ghastly contract of a lifetime.

"Oh my! What a good hiding spot." I coo towards the girl, her stupid blonde 'piggie tails' bouncing up and down with the rest of her. I am ordered to 'play nice' what a friggin joke! No 'cussing' until the spawnling is 13, no murder or any crime until she let's me, an order to ''save the child's life'' whenever I can, what is this, a guardian angel contract???

"I'm bored now, let's watch a movie, can you pleeaseee make me some snacks?" At least she knows how to request politely, "Hmm, yes, you have been an excellent child." I am repulsed by my words, but then again, it's not the worst I had to say, 'yeah, your sausage is good enough' terrifying. I summon some of the most delectable treats a mortal could ask for, caviar, luxury coffee, win- 'no alcohol until the child is 20', the finest cheeses, and some apple juice, 'oreo' cookies and goldfish crackers for the beasty.

I balance the plates, is this what mothering is like? To where the child is "You took forever, I made a drawing of you while I waited!" A scrawled bunch of 'abstract art' is on a peice of watercolour, I assume the fanciest scibbles are me, the dark ebony on my lips, the long raven hair, my eyes that burn hellfire, the large skeletal horns, and my oh so beautiful ivory skin, all reflected in a childish imitation of 'art' "Looks, breathtaking sweetie."
The little creature seems pleased with my response and hastily takes the apple juice, oh I would kill for some alcohol right now. We watch through 'Barbie life in the dreamhouse' for what seems to be the 60th time, at least it's bearable. A vision appears, a luxury car pulls up in the driveway, perfect mommy's home.

"How was your day Evelyn?" I am somehow invisible to the runt's parents, lucky me...
"Amazing, Barbie made me some snacks, She also spent time with me!"
"Oh, I see, that's lovely darling!"
"Barbie's really pretty, I wish you could play with us." At least the child knows beauty, suddenly I feel a tug, I am brought out of my resting spot on the lounge, a blonde woman looks up in shock, the mother seems agahst. "Who knew my prayers for a guardian angel were answered, thank you Barbie, hehe." This, this is wrong, I am a heathen, a sinner, only angelic in looks, what is wrong with these people?

"It was no problem ma'am, your daughter is in good hands." What- is this some automated response? The only other time I've heard this is wait...

~Many, many years ago~
I was lazing in my brimstone palace, my sister gone for her duties, I decide to meddle and lift my hand towards the skrying pool, the dark waters and darker lotus flowers greet me, 'Show me Peony Darkstar.' I see my elder sister's figure, tall, imposing, delicate, a strong representation of the family, "It was no problem sir, your dauther is in good hands." The fuck is that? I swear on our missing mother's soul that she was fufilling a contract.
A week after that she disappeared, seemingly ascending to the heights.

~Present time~

Is this, my redemption, no, this can't be, I must look for the records, the mother already took her daughter to bed, putting her to sleep so I am free to do as I please as long as the contract abides. Maybe the child died and she left, what was her name, ah Kiara Anne Silvester, thank the ancients for perfect recollection. I teleport to the office of divivne matters, searching for deaths, Kiara Ane Illerston, Keera Anna Spellta, Kiara, Keena, finally, Kiara Anne Silvester, 'contract absolved, the demon Peony Darkstar saved the child's life, giving her own, through sacrifice she died, her soul rising out of hell and onto earth, her new identity is to be confirmed, but scouts say she looks around 25, has been reincarnated with long blonde hair, if you are looking to find her, you must repeat the phrase "Arkath Katmina Dooma, Peony Rathmea Dakethae Rastero" eight times around 6-10 pm.' Wow, that's just great a way to find my sister, it's utterly useless!

I warp back, deciding to practice the phrase, I send signals across the globe, the message 8 times as instructed, expecting nothing the mother of my punishment replies "OretsaR Eahtekad Aemhtar Peony Amood Animtak Htakra!" Only one word stays the same, it must be her. I would want to ask all my questions, but I am beseiged by another vision. A dark, bloody hag, possibly the one originally summoned peers through the window, there's no going back after this, I engage in divine battle, demon against demon. The clown fatally wounded, it seems I can still destroy beings as per usual, perfect. The little girl sleeps soundly, unknowingly saved from an attempt on her life.

It was truely weird to be summoned to a hero's side, as a villain's aide life had been a series of dull shady dark greys, treated as a low level henchmen and nothing more, for the first few days the nameless skeleton wandered, obedient, under control, and following the plan, always, their plain bones marching with 6000 others, as a newer skeleton their battle experience was a little less rickety, jagged, and monotonous. After the 5th day they started being a little different, when a young skeleton is not put into battle, they start transforming, changing, fleshing out in a way.

My pale, bare, bones, walking along, those colorful leaves on the floor are nice, but apparently I must take my sword of bone and sheild of rock to fight a 'hero' I really don't know why, I even question my existence, so I'm keeping a record. I march along, but then trip over a rock, fallling, thank goodness I feel little pain, for the leaves cusion my fall. CLANK, CLANK, MARCH, MARCH, THUMP, and some light footsteps sound. "A common enemy, do we need to slay this one too?" What, I think I am quite harmless in this state, those creatures look terrifying, maybe I can make them serve my master.

'Greetings, mortals, would you like to serve the great-litch Menthazen?'
"Great litch, what is he on about, ah well" turing towards my hopeful eyeless sockets he continues "Uh, your master is kinda evil, but you seem chill, wanna hang?" eh, hang??
'I don't want to be hanged, my master ordered me to kill you, those orders seem contradicting' a lady in armour screams out, startling me "See, I TOULD YOU, it's evil, I bet it doesn't even have a name" 'That is kind of accurate, but I would like to be called March, it's the first word I heard.' "Awww ADORABLE- Can we keep it?" a small druid, well I think it's a druid, the crash course in minioning is not very good education, on a wolf shouts, I see a spellcaster, like my master, but a little less eerie, put a few hands up and cast a spell, I feel my bones changing, my armour being transformed into cloth, my sword and sheild turning into a staff of woodland, the heavy steel helm turned into a soft, floppy hat.

'Done, you can now keep it.' A powerful spell indeed, this is interesting for sure, a tome of knowledge falls into my bones, I open and start reading 'welcome to this guide on being a supporting creature, welcome to the side of good!' this is new, and slightly better than my time in the evil army. "Wait, really?" the druid is estatic, maybe they are related to the mage. "YOU DIDNT ASK ME ABOUT THIS-" the scary barbarian lady is very loud, her voice booming through the forest.

'Oh come on, it wouldn't be very 'chaotic good' of us to leave it here, you're now with us, March,' The 1st person to actually call me by my name is also the 1st good-doer to talk to me, I see my unlife turning into lighter, coloured shades. "Thank you thank you thank you!!" The druid seems quite happy, I guess I am now here to help my new masters.

Science is my life, literally, it was all going smoothly, I just sent in a letter to my dream college, everything was going right, until...

*POOF*

'Nya! I am your servant, finally arriving from the realm of the vanished.' Hold up, did it really just say nya, anyways, this is totally bizzare, I have never at all, not even once thought about the supernatural, it should never be possible, not even theoretically, this is nonsense, I am in a dream, wake up waKE UP WAKE UP, pinching myself I feel the pain, nothing, but real, physical pain, this weird magic cat is in my room but maybe there's still hope. My mind is literally racing, my whole life feels like a lie.

'You seem to be zoned out, I am KiKi and you are my master, duh, you seems to have forgotten.'

"This makes no sense, I have no family."

For all I know I was an orphan since birth, my earliest memories a haze, leaving me in a foster home with my found family, my little sister, my mum, and my dad, who inspires me to this day.

'Aha! You vanished to here! That explains the missing child!' this cat, Kiki is making incoherent sounds, yes, it's probably a prank, please make it a prank.

'Nope! Not a prank! I am real, you are magical, and you come from a bloodline of magicians who poofed from existence, leaving you as the heir to our second estate!'

"If everyone vanished, why are you here and more importantly, why am I here with you bothering me?"

'Well, people don't just vanish, those magic cupboards do truely lead somewhere, you were probably put there by your brother in an attempt to do some pawsome magic' No, no, no a brother really? And what's with the cat puns, is this like those cartoons my sister watches?

'I can hear your thoughts, rude! and anyways, I am here to bring you back, your brother is curious about you and I am here to deliver.' can I at least go back?

'Would you really want to?' yes, obviously, this is my life, it may not be as magical as yours, does magic even exist, this could be a dream, should I pinch myself again, agh, I am rambling in my own thoughts, how does KiKi even exist, I think I will go see the brother

'Going to your brother, abra-cat-dabra!'

*POOF*

I wake up in another, wei-

Agh, I thought these people learnt after I gave that guy perma-rocket feet, but nooooo, they never do. The light tinkling of bells slowly appears, oh great, my favourite client. 'Dr, dr! I have a proposition!' Not again- meet Theodoreus Sharkass, this idiot changed his name after he fell into my shark tank, I thought I saved him that day, but apparently some people can't just be grateful, 'What is it this time, you wanna be half robot or something?'
Instantly regretting my words I can hear the cogs literally turning in his head, another failed test I will choose to ignore. "Nope! I want cool feet, my main man Locky has rocket feet and I want something too!"
OH FOR GOODNESS SAKES
Regaining my composure I coach myself into giving an appropriate response 'You already have a shark tail, a gearhat to replace your hair, rat ears, stone teeth, and fairy wings'
"Yeah, and nothing on these" He is currently wildly jesturing to his lower half with his somehow unmodified hands and shark tail, seems I'm getting paid today.
'Sure, that'll be 950 gold peices, 6 large gems, 8000 silver peices, and 9 copper coins'
The 'man' standing in front of me has somehow aquired a large horde of treasure, so I bet he'll say something lik- "You've got a deal docco!" I have officially given up around the 2nd time, as they say, it's no use arguing with an idiot.
Sharkass throws a giant treasure chest onto my floor, I open it and find much more than I charged, typical, he doesn't even count his coin, not giving into my greed immediately, I use a quick scanning spell, definitely from a dragon, definitely stolen, preparing the table I lay him down and throw powder, given as payment from my last not-from-earth customer, onto him, and start sawing. You'd think I'd have a better method, but nope, still the same old, somewhat sterile saw, hopefully he doesn't mind me keeping his feet for the next not so humanoid, I gather a pair of roller skates from a child who wanted much longer rainbow hair and start the real work. Cutting, zapping, sawing, sticking, finally, something usable, I dash towards my spare parts cupboard and gather my 1st keepsake, an old android model, the AI had moved to a merm body so it's fine, Sawing off the feet was harder this time, the old circuits splurting out what seems to be blood. My saw is now in need of a major upgrade, after hacking away the rest I rush back to the table and build on the shoes, Done!
The shoes are on and the job is done, wacking the dazed semi-human I hose off the powder, "Eh, Eyyyy great work!" Not even stopping to say goodbye he skates off out of my shop, leaving me with my pay, a couple missing braincells, and some new parts.

112 figures sit around in a large cottage by the sea, the frozen wind quelled by the quietly crackling fireplace, the waves crashing in the distance, 5 days after the 1st frost.
"Hah! I Win AGAIN!"
Butt grammy, whyyyy, aren't you oldies meant to be nicer and let us win??
I look at her with my brightest fake puppy eyes, the same expression I got her with eons ago. The children copy my expression, I swear I saw a slight tear in granny's eye.
She looks back, "Imagine that, if I were nice, you'd be bored, very bored that you might just turn into a board."
I feel myself becoming square, flattening, the familliar feeling brings me back to my childhood, 'I turn into a large yellow elephant that shoots tea at the table right there.' The cluttered cottage grows, rattle, and turns, a pristine palace garden emerges, a petite teaparty palace fit for the princess pops up, the children I am currently teaching giggle.

~Flashback~

"I turn into a giant pink and purple dragon who breathes marshmallows!"
*Poof* 'AAAAAAA- how do you keep doing that gramgram?' I squeal with glee
"Sweetie, magic comes with lots of secrets, now don't tell your mama I said this, but you can literally make shit up and it'll usually work. Makes the guys who actually take it seriously really pissed."
'Granny! You just said a bad word!?!?'
"What, oh, right, well, better to expose you when you're younger!"
Thinking that was a fair reason, I go back to playing
'I save my grammy from the dragon and we live in a shiny castle right here'
The spell slowly reverses, wait, did that really work? Normally her magic was stronger than this, taking me more time to slowly do one part of the spell each.
*POOF* The dragon falls and a shocked, ecstatic old lady appears.
"You finally did it! The student has become the master!"

~Present day~
The good old days, really, "Miss, you spaced out a little, when are we getting the tea?"
Oh, right, the tea party, 'Thank's for reminding me Stacy, the tea is served!' I trumpet out loud, tea raining everywhere, the once white tablecloth is now a mess, but hey, isn't everything a mess. "Me and my best friend Evony float into a bubble of soap!"
Turns out almost everything is a mess then, well then, the children are finally learning.
"Why does Molly get a bubble? I get one too!"
Suddenly all the kids are floating in shiny bubbles of their own design, "All the bubbles pop and the children are in a masion with their tea!"
POP they all fall, looking at granny, "I think you've all grown since I've last seen you lot, you all used to shout stupid rules at me, it was always 'the great wizards handbook says this', and 'But that never, ever, happens normally!', it was getting very very tiring for a poor old immortal like me."
Just as dramatic as ever, "Congratulations, children, you've done it! You are cured of being boring!" Various cries of offence rise from the children, some attempting to curse the all powerful witch infront of them.

HHHOOONNNKKKK
'Aww man, momma's here' "Noooo, not my big brother" 'Can I please stay dad?'
It seems the parents are here, time to try burst their bubbles and attempt to bring them back to imagination, where they probably lost them around 230 years ago.
'I am now a giant version of Shrek and rise out of the castle'
The parents are annoyed as always, trying to drag their children to normalcy, at least the children prefer living their magical lives like they are meant to be, for now at least.