Pre-drill holes. That’s pretty much a requirement. You’ll need a drill to do that.

Someone at the small-town hardware store can help you pick out the right screws for your surface materials. Take a picture of your proposed mounting point(s) and bring a bracket that you will be attaching.

Ask the same place how to repair that crack. In the best case, it looks ugly. And you don’t want that. In the worst case, it will fail from the stress. You don’t want that either.

I’d look in the manual and pursue the cleaning process.

Maybe gut the dryer, but keep the cord in place. Get some kind of fake hand or rubber glove to “hold” the dryer. Install a very small low powered fan into the body (eBay). Add short streamers so the fan blows them. Add a small motor to make it wave back and forth. Add a small digital recording that periodically says “My hair is Hot!” and other quirky sayings.

Mount it all on a gooseneck stand. Done!

Looking forward to seeing this.

Spray foam?