Dating in D.C. has never been worse

Submitted by simply_soft t3_11517n7 in washingtondc

I am a woman (27F) and I’ve lived in D.C. for five years. I’ve been on the dating apps on and off for years, taking breaks for a serious relationship and during Covid spikes.

I returned to the dating apps in January and I have been getting very few matches and fewer incoming likes on the app Hinge. A few years ago I was getting around 8-10 likes a day. It’s super weird! No major changes in my appearance over time, just gotten older.

I’ve been thinking it’s because of Hinge changing it’s paywall settings (only allowed to send 5 likes/day unless you pay) so I talked to a male friend about it (35M). He said he’s never done better on dating apps in his entire life. He’s going on multiple dates a week and seeing a few women regularly.

Is this an isolated experience? I would love to hear any experiences/anecdotes!

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J-Team07 t1_j91vzk3 wrote

Isn’t there just fewer single people in their late 20s compared to early 20s?

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churner-burner t1_j911yqz wrote

You have discovered aging. Fewer men will be interested in you because you're 27 rather than 22.

I am describing other people's preferences.

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romanceordelusion t1_j91ke4p wrote

I think this may be it honestly. I used to get a ton of matches and get less this year no major differences in my appearance either but I’m no longer 23 :(

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churner-burner t1_j91m3fm wrote

The good news is that there's a large cohort of other people aging in tandem with you, and the people who would only match with you because you were 23 aren't the best long-term prospects anyway.

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Where_is_it_going t1_j93kepv wrote

Those guys aging in tandem are still looking at the 23 year olds unfortunately.

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churner-burner t1_j93srbj wrote

Some of them are, but not all of them. And this person's age has already filtered them out, so the problem is solved.

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Panda_alley t1_j9657or wrote

very few of them are. huge misperception IMO. like, do you think a 28-32 year old guy likes dating a a 22-23 year old? there's huge difference in life experiences between early and late 20s.

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romanceordelusion t1_j91xf0f wrote

True, I met a great man (finally) on the apps. Happy I didn’t meet him at 23, I was a mess back then!

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endlessly_apollo t1_j93hpi5 wrote

> Fewer men will be interested in you because you’re 27 rather than 22.

Leo, dog is that you?

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Ncav2 t1_j9241i4 wrote

This. But like you said, the matches she gets now at 27 will likely be more serious than those of a 22 year old.

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Desert-Mouse t1_j91rumj wrote

Men and women have different desirability curves on these apps. Women's goes down while men's goes up as we age. My experience as a nearly 40 year old male was amazing compared to what I had in my twenties.

Eta, funny to see downvotes for factual statements. The OLD sites release data sometimes. Don't like truth, cover you eyes and move on.

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/online-dating-out-of-your-league/567083/

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SSSS_car_go t1_j92wavr wrote

Sadly, this is true. I’m (F) a lot older than you, so can say that every year past about 25 makes women increasingly invisible. Some changes are welcome, like being able to walk past construction sites without being catcalled. Other changes are less welcome, like feeling ashamed of my changing body.

Just keep trying on the apps and putting yourself out there, but also do things you really enjoy even if it doesn’t lead to partnering up, is my advice.

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Nijmegen1 t1_j93072t wrote

Eh as a 29 year old dude, in a vacuum, I'd prefer 27 to 22

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lc1138 t1_j93yyd9 wrote

It’s only a 5 year difference in which your appearance changes little, I don’t understand this

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churner-burner t1_j940331 wrote

There are two factors. The first is that some men set filters to eliminate women above a certain age. The second is that these men may notice signs of aging that you don't.

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lc1138 t1_j944826 wrote

Men don’t even know how to put their socks in the laundry hamper or know that hanging sports memorabilia or flags on their walls are not consider interior design. You’re telling me they have the eye to spot the minor details of aging 5 years in your 20s? And that such minor details is enough to write a woman off? Give me a break.

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RoleFizzleBeef t1_j915t2d wrote

It’s a little unfair to say you’ve had bad luck on an app for roughly 30 days therefore dating as a whole in the city is terrible and has never been worse. When I did OLD I would get 30-60 day stretches with little action. Then one random weekend a slew of quality matches would show up in my inbox.

What search parameters are you using? What’s your age range? Try tinkering with those and see what happens.

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NewWahoo t1_j92cro8 wrote

The way the apps work is you get the most attention (because your profile is shown more to others) immediately after joining it. So if your first few days (really first 24 hours) is underwhelming… well buckle up.

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BansheeLoveTriangle t1_j901t4j wrote

Did you accidentally turn into a man? (Since that sounds like the experience of most men on the apps, if that).

But seriously - it's probably some impact from more effort to monetize users by reducing non-paid features. But I haven't heard of any app coming to take Hinge's place quite yet.

Also:

  • If you're looking for conservatives/moderates/libertarians, maybe more of them have left the area since Trump left
  • Is your profile actually that good? (unclear face shots (sunglasses, mask), no full body shot, prompts that limit who might be interested in you/make you look bad... maybe have a guy friend review or submit on a dating subreddit)
  • It's possible you've just hit a weird dating age range for women in the area (feel like I've seen late 20s women complain about dc in the past), or you're looking for a weird age range for whoever you're interested in
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brickz14 t1_j983292 wrote

I wanna emphasize that second point. I'm a 31M and have seen what feels like 1 million of the same basic profiles and I don't wanna send a like and put effort in unless they seem to be more engaging. High quality prompt answers that give material to actually start a conversation are necessary imo. We're all more jaded in the age bracket tbh

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Ncav2 t1_j924d2y wrote

You’re going to get less matches than when you were 22, but the matches you do get will be more serious.

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athompson1451 t1_j912hhp wrote

Also 27F here and recently reactivated my Hinge account. I’ve had similar results, but I’m also looking in a specific religious demographic. Most of the guys I’d be interested in reaching out to are consistently in my “standouts” (hello paywall), and haven’t had a match yet. I’ve heard it gets better the longer you keep the app active and interact with it semi regularly, so maybe hang in there?

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AhmedH14 t1_j91lc6r wrote

I’ve found the standouts come to your regular stack the next day or two so look out for them there!

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20CAS17 t1_j90d5g2 wrote

Wait until you're 35, it's even worse!

Seriously, I totally agree with you. Thinking about moving, tbh.

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BansheeLoveTriangle t1_j93jee4 wrote

Wish there were more 35 year old divorcees on the market personally 🤣

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Where_is_it_going t1_j93km6w wrote

It seems like the only people worthwhile are people that are divorced, but you have to catch them quick before they end up in another relationship. They went through the rinse cycle and came back out. 😂

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[deleted] t1_j93lwhn wrote

[deleted]

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Where_is_it_going t1_j93ww43 wrote

Yeah there is a sweet spot after they've processed through the divorce and are single. I was definitely a hot mess after mine, they need a year or two to figure themselves out and get over it.

Unless you're just looking for something casual, in which case they are a good catch. Definitely are not going to be locking you down.

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magnoliabluebonnet t1_j916h6p wrote

28F and it's the same as it ever was for me. Hinge is kind of weird though and has never been like Tinder/Bumble for me where you get a million likes a day but obviously they have a low like limit.

I've also found winter to be slow time for dating. Things pick up a ton when spring/summer come around.

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BlakeClass t1_j932dwr wrote

Objectively speaking, I could see 27 being a weird age for girls. You may be getting unjustly filtered out. 27 could be seen as too old for the college or just out of college crowd, but also seen as too young for the mid 30’s guy who’s never been married and finally ready to settle down.

Don’t internalize it, but number wise, who does 27 appeal to? It may have nothing to do with you but more to do with search filters.

Again, I’m just providing insight since you asked. I’m sure you’re a lovely person, and I remember how confusing OLD was (I met my wife there), and I know I would have appreciated honest answers.

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Where_is_it_going t1_j93luhd wrote

I agree with this entirely. I remember being single at 28 after a 7 year relationship. I was so awkwardly aged for everyone. People in their early 20s saw me as old, people in their 30s saw me as too young for anything serious. People my own age where I lived were often grad students with little life experiences because all they'd done at that point was being in school, and we had nothing in common. I legitimately had a 22 year old call me a puma because I was like a "young cougar" at 28. I did not enjoy dating and often felt bad about myself.

In my 30s now and things are much better. 30-40 things even out a lot more, there are less extreme differences in lifestyle and maturity in this age range, so 30/39 is totally reasonable whereas 20/29 would have been a lot more weird.

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BlakeClass t1_j940u4y wrote

Yea this is the exact scenario I’m thinking in my head. Young guys want to party and think she’s trying to get married, old guys want to settle down and not experience hangovers, and think she wants to party. Guys her own age are probably either in relationships or lack the same life experience because they’ve been focused on grad school or work.

I’d probably flat out put “young at heart and still ready to party” or “ready to avoid hangovers and find my partner” based on her goals. Atleast that would broaden her appeal to the target audience.

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silvercurls17 t1_j901n2m wrote

As a 40+ year old queer woman, my experience is that it's gotten worse. Granted, I did notice a big drop off after turning 40, but changes to dating apps in that time seem to have gotten worse. I didn't really get a lot of engagement on Hinge to start with so that's about the same, but Bumble made a similar paywall change and I definitely noticed a big drop off in matches after that. Okcupid just keeps getting worse too. It used to be ok for a dating app, but the changes towards more of a swipe app have made it pretty useless. I don't think a lot of people use it any more.

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BansheeLoveTriangle t1_j901zr0 wrote

Years ago I paid for the one time Bumble premium fee, and it's barely worth having it take up space on my phone these days.

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foggybottomwdc t1_j94i2dz wrote

@simply_soft it’s competitive out there, especially if you’re chasing what most 27 y/o single women are chasing… a charismatic good looking guy, in shape, no kids, over 6ft tall, makes 6 figures, and has his shit together… My advice to all singles- step up your game, adjust your dating preferences, and your expectations. Also try flirting irl. Good luck!

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b_tight t1_j92ok10 wrote

Lol. Welcome to getting older. Youre no longer the hot fun 22 year old.

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DCGreatDane t1_j92qj5n wrote

As a mid 40s guy it gets worse for dating.

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layzie77 t1_j92vvev wrote

It could be a couple of reasons but I think it could be the algorithm for dating apps tend to favor more active accounts. Also. there are ebbs and flows of match traffic, for example, you'll have days where there's several likes/matches and then it gets "dry" with no matches.This happens to everyone no matter how well your profile is.

I am (32M) and have dated women in their mid 30s. 27 is still young. Not everyone wants to date someone fresh out of college.

It's unfair and easy to blame a city for how difficult dating is in general. I would just say keep doing your thing and find ways to meet people outside of the apps.

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sex_throwaway999 t1_j91c6w8 wrote

> A few years ago I was getting around 8-10 likes a day. It’s super weird! No major changes in my appearance over time, just gotten older.

how many years ago is "a few"? ive met plenty of women who i eventually discovered used photos that were only a year or two old and they looked clearly worse in person

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buxtonOJ t1_j923xv3 wrote

Bc online is the only way to date

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202markb t1_j92emqq wrote

As a married guy who is literally twice your age hearing people say it’s an age thing really blows my mind. Could it be a function of the age of the people who use the app?

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BansheeLoveTriangle t1_j92ki1u wrote

Most creepers will prefer as young as possible.

What this person is looking for May be moving more quickly in the serious direction than the average man around her age. Men in their mid thirties and up that are looking for someone serious will probably be less likely to be looking for a 27 year old the greater their age gets. Men in their late 20s/early 30s entering their first marriage at a high rate, and mostly exiting dating for a time.

I feel like it’s maybe a weird age demographically for women to date here

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202markb t1_j92twig wrote

No offense intended to anyone, I guess your are right. I prefer people closer to my own age. Mentoring/helping someone younger is satisfying but that’s really very different than dating/partnering. I guess what I’m trying to say is 27 is super-young and there’s a lot of good dating/partnering years ahead. At least I think so. My happiness quotient went up every year since my early 20’s! Supposedly most people’s does.

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No1Statistician t1_j92nrt2 wrote

It's all about quality not quantity, just focus on the people and don't worry about matches per day...

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rainbows-rust t1_j92w5nu wrote

I (F 41) had great luck on Hinge. Just be honest with what you’re looking for, and adjust your settings accordingly. I’d rather have one decent match a week than a ton of “likes” that won’t amount to anything.

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swampoodler t1_j915o79 wrote

People tend to swipe on people they find attractive.

Sometimes you’ll run into people who are into you, sometimes you won’t. I don’t think it’s a DC thing.

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BigLeagueBanker69 t1_j9bvjyp wrote

Interesting. As a 26M I've been having a great experience lately.

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dynospectrum7 t1_j90f42t wrote

Are you not getting any likes? Or do you not like the likes you’re getting?

Either way, OLD is nothing compared to actual human interaction.

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Quiet_Meaning5874 t1_j92ysjh wrote

Didn’t a huge percent of the population move away during COVID?

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