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NicNicNicHS t1_j16lskz wrote

yeah that's just kinda shitty and annoying and and not very funny and pretty much invading your kids privacy?

idk maybe I'm just being dramatic

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OlduvaiMan t1_j171ea3 wrote

That's exactly what this is. I have teenage kids, and understand that their phone is their private life and I have to respect that privacy.

Pranking them like this is both stupid and bad parenting. They're not your pub friends, they are your children.

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rotating_pebble t1_j183khs wrote

Yeah, it's bizarre and the other parents laughing along are as bad. This is the behaviour of a naughty schoolkid, not a father to his daughter.

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cdm014 t1_j16s999 wrote

Privacy with electronics is a privilege not a right for children and it should not be the default. It is the responsibility of a parent to occasionally monitor their child's activity for unsafe conduct.

The renaming bit... The funniness will vary from person to person.

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diffyqgirl t1_j172o6j wrote

Spying on your kid does not make them safer, it teaches them how to avoid you.

My mom insisted on installing a tracker on my sisters phone. So my sister stopped taking her phone with her when she went anywhere she thought my mom wouldn't approve of. Meaning she wouldn't have a way of calling for help if something happened, so she was less safe.

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k9moonmoon t1_j19ldgt wrote

I fully respect a teens right to privacy. But changing names in a contact list, especially at the Era the OP did it, isn't exactly invading privacy. You can access the contact list without reading any messages. The sticking point would be how much you trust the prankster that all they did was the contact list aspect and how private the teen treats their phone. If they were leaving it out unlocked regularly vs being very mindful.

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Raeandray t1_j17dsxt wrote

At the same time parents can’t just enable their children to go do things that are unsafe. In your example the child would’ve gone to the unsafe places either way. While I’d prefer they have a phone while being unsafe, I also can’t take the attitude of “you’re going to do unsafe things so I just won’t even try.”

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eljefeciego t1_j17lh9n wrote

Wtf you think having kids is? You're creating a life into a VERY dangerous world, managing risks and trying to not sacrifice too much of the children's freedoms in the meantime is your sole duty. And still, they will die sooner or later. Also be hurt in so many ways.

Parents should expose their kids to dangers, as many kinds as possible so they'll evetually learn to navigate them as safely as possible.

Parents' primary job is never to protect at all costs.

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Raeandray t1_j18j0g5 wrote

> Parents' primary job is never to protect at all costs

I didn't say it was. In fact my whole post was meant to highlight the tightrope parents have to walk balancing risks vs independence as they help their kids grow.

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NicNicNicHS t1_j16v7jt wrote

No, you should not go through your kids electronics, especially behind their back and without them knowing.

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cdm014 t1_j16w00k wrote

You are free to raise your children how you see best. I will raise mine as i see best.

However when i handed her the phone, i was clear: this is my phone which i am letting her use to make my life easier, as a reward she also gets to use it for her own life, but it's mine and i will be monitoring her activity

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Thepinkknitter t1_j16wl8w wrote

I mean, you’re just raising a kid to be sneaky to find a way around your helicopter parenting. But hey, if that’s the way you want to raise your kid, go ahead. Lmao

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cdm014 t1_j19x3ax wrote

The steps of raising a child to do something responsibly

  1. No you don't have the tools necessary
  2. Modeling and building the tool set
  3. Supervised activity (you get to do it but i observe and we discuss your goals and how well you're moving towards them) and i step in when i need to protect you
  4. Okay I'm here if you need me
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mrlazyboy t1_j16yfxd wrote

You mean kids haven’t been trying to find ways around their parents for the past 100,000 years?

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za419 t1_j174o6k wrote

Parents probably should be encouraging their kids to feel comfortable telling their parents about their lives - secrets, even, things they don't want everyone to know, because they need advice on something.

Training kids to feel that they can't let any shred of information sit within their parents reach because their parents are boundary-stomping dickwads who think that anything to do with their children is their business and theirs alone, is the exact opposite of that.

Don't prioritize raising children that are obedient and trick you into thinking they do as they're told over raising children to be functional adults. That's the point, isn't it?

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lecretnao t1_j17ibz3 wrote

Truth is that this is the first few generations raising their kids with internet technology. There’s a lot of shit out there that you guys shouldn’t be seeing as frequently as you are or as young. There are endless issues caused by the things kids watch and see.

Im 25 and got to see smart phones become popular in real time. I was 15 when I got my first smartphone, and at that time it was expected that your parent would check it. I was pissed, but the older I get, the easier it is to see why they did.

Teenagers are notoriously too young and stupid to see the obvious. They don’t comprehend the damage they’re doing to themselves. I will be monitoring my child’s internet use/phones, especially when they’re 14 and under, and that’s coming from someone who “hated my parents” for doing it.

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mrlazyboy t1_j18g3ll wrote

Independent of how parents raise their children, most kids are going to try and get around their parents wishes. If you don’t believe that, I’d argue you’ve never met a child

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za419 t1_j19dpin wrote

That's absolutely true, and that's why it's pointless to try to track everything they do. It gives the kid attacker's advantage - You have to stop them from getting through in a thousand ways, they only have to catch you not defending the castle once.

Which leads us to the question of goals. Why is it that this is a war? We already know we're going to lose, so all we achieve is blundering mutual trust.

Is the goal to slow them down from getting to see what they will manage to see anyway? Because by banning it, they'll be very interested in why it's banned, and you may well get it seen even earlier by providing that incentive.

I think the goal should be raising the child to be a well-adjusted, successful adult. Unless things go very wrong, they'll spend most of their lives as adults anyway.

And to that end, I'd argue a foundation of mutual trust, based on a parent and child being willing to approach each other and trust each other with their problems, even the ones that are embarrassing or difficult to talk about.

And therefore, I'd rather teach them how to be responsible and help them learn how to navigate an internet-connected life, than to try to box them up and present myself as an obstacle to get around. Because I believe that will provide a better foundation for a parent-child relationship, and for the development of a child into a person who will outlast me.

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cdm014 t1_j19xlit wrote

The foundation of trust that she will act safely and responsibly comes from first observing her acting safely and responsibly in a controlled setting

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za419 t1_j1b47ov wrote

Your trust in her, perhaps. You should trust her anyway though - She's your daughter, you probably know her better than anyone and frankly if she's already untrustworthy by the time she's on the internet then you've either majorly screwed her up or you're being awfully bad about not letting her use a computer.

The more important trust, that you need to establish with her during the adolescent years where she's figuring out how the world works and where she fits in it, is her trust in you. That's not something that exists just because of DNA, contrary to many subpar parents expectations - It exists because you show her that she can trust you.

And again - trust is a two way street. The first step to her trusting you is you trusting her.

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NicNicNicHS t1_j16wxix wrote

>My children will put me in a home and never visit.

Why would you post this? We're talking about privacy.

edit:

gonna make an actual argument I guess

All you're doing is raising your kids to have trust issues, and to always hide their lives away from you.

Trust between people is always mutual, and if you don't trust them and go full big brother on them, sooner or later they won't trust you either.

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