We texted each other about what happened today. Here is what I think I understood. Her values dictate that you need to make it clear to your partner about the experience you've had. She thought it was special that we'd share our first time together (we haven't had sex yet because we've lived together only for a couple of months). She'd just be a little miffed about it if I'd told her before. Now, she holds me responsible for not telling her this before we've even considered having sex. I feel like we'd definitely have spoken about it before our first time together.

Now, I also spoke to her about how she felt about my ex. She admits that my behaviour early on made her feel threatened by my ex girlfriend (we were long distance back then and I hadn't figured out her love language). I don't blame her for this. But the strange thing is, I think she genuinely was in denial about me being physically intimate with my ex girlfriend. Despite me trying to tell her that I did have some experience, she didn't really process it at the time.

Honestly it just seems as though we are people with different values and beliefs who do a terrible job at communicating these beliefs. Sure I did mess up by not immediately making it clear but the reason her reaction is so extreme is because of things beyond my control.