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Ace_Snowlight OP t1_j0txzsi wrote

Reply to comment by Milkstrietmen in Prediction: De-facto Pure AGI is going to be arriving next year. Pessimistically in 3 years. by Ace_Snowlight

r/Angryupvote 🥺✅

>!It wasn't low-effort for me, or on second thought okay nvm it doesn't matter... I suppose it is actually easy to post something like this, oh how I envy ya all... it's okay there's actually no envy in my feelings, it's more like... okay fine I'll just say it even tho i'll probably get invalidated into oblivion... I have executive dysfunction and I also have some trauma stuff to deal with, I can proclaim I have ADHD but honestly the symptoms matter more here. There's so many simplest of things that my brain just doesn't work for me to execute, like, you guys won't be able to understand it all.!<

>!It's like (metaphorically speaking) being told to pick up a chair with my arms and also being told that I'll be given 100000$ for doing so and the person who's telling me is also being kind and supportive and encouraging, okay so I'll go to pick it because honestly it won't be a big deal I, it's child's play to lift a simple chair by a typical 19 year old, at least for a second, not some advanced arithmetic neither a workout session, so I go to lift it but then I'm just standing there not lifting the chair, with confusion I soon realize that my arms have disappeared... no matter how much effort I put in I cannot lift up the chair with my arms if I have no arms, it will just seem like I'm carelessly standing there being dramatic and perhaps overthinking but not picking up the chair... because the thing is, in the other person's view he can still see that I have arms and if I tell me they are gone for some reason not only do I not understand how or why but they will also think I'm being delusional. And I can't back it up because I have been seen lifting up things a lot heavier than just a chair with my arms at times... only I'm aware of when it happens and how it is like, how helpless it is, and how unpredictable it is.!<

>!My life honestly isn't so great right now but that fortunately doesn't make me dwell in the depths of depression. Although I do get horribly heart-achingly overwhelmingly sad at times... I'm a human too Afterall.!<

>!I wouldn't have been the same without philosophy and the internet. Perhaps I wouldn't even be here honestly...!<

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>!Here comes the invalidation train in the replies... don't pity, I'll never hate you, bring it on! I will be able to see if it will trigger me or not in my current state, I can then gather data about myself, I believe it won't based on other previous data, but you know never know. Thank you for allowing me to vent... Feel free to talk with me, although I'm pathetic currently I genuinely want everyone to be happy... but I have a different side as well it's not evil but it's not alturistic either as in if you give me a button that would make the world as I know in it's entirely completely disappear, but I will placed in a world where I am self-actualized and I'm in a utopia personalized for me. I will press the button... might hesistate but I most likely will. My dreams mean a lot to me... but that button won't be coming in my hands rationally speaking so yea, oh btw if you give me the button but I also get to see where the world is going to end up and it seems like my dreams can be fullfilled later on but I'll have to wait and experience imperfect life more then I wouldn't press it at all... I will even wait for 100 years if that's what it will take because I don't want any of ya all to disappear... why? because I in a very very simple you are equal to me but I'm just in my own body and cannot experience your senses. And I wouldn't want to disappear if I were you... This explanation is too simple, so simple it might as well be inaccurate but it does convey how I genuinely want everyone to be happy.!<

Oh my air-molecules I ended writing so much... I'm sorry 😰

>!This is a good live example tho, because I'm not even able to move my finger tips to be able to tap/type/write and communicate at times, like come on how much of a simple task is just typing a single word how can you struggle with that! and look here I've written such a long thing, also ironically, I was also a writer. (at times = quite often but in different ways).!<

>!I'm not able to at times even when I really want to and am interested as well you know. Now just wasn't that time... it happened this morning tho, spend so much time just sitting idle cuz I couldn't do anything even tho I didn't want to waste my time.!<

R.I.P the grammar 💀😬 forgive me... *dies with cringe*

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Milkstrietmen t1_j0utt0j wrote

Oh dear, no reason to take my comment personally. My comment is rather a general view on how things currently are in this sub and not specifically directed at you.

Since you mentioned to have executive dysfunction and eventually ADHD, I don't want to just abandon this conversation. As a member of /r/BecomingTheIceman from heart, maybe I can at least suggest you to go for a cold shower. It helps me tremendously when I'm in a bad place. 15 seconds each day for a week is more than enough - maybe this helps you calming your brain, like it helps me when my thoughts are racing in a similar way.

With best regards

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Ace_Snowlight OP t1_j0uvvdu wrote

I'm a strong proponent of David-Sinclair's and Wim-Hof's teachings!

Here's the thing tho... I haven't have had shower in months... I didn't want to say it but it's true (depression is not the reason). Executive Dysfunction is seriously impairing for me... like it's not even funny the worst part is that it's invisible on the outside upto the point that even my breakdowns are seen as stubbornness when I'm literally suffering but in their eyes I'm just a lazy a** kid who's pathetic and doesn't know what it means to put in effort. Mind you Executive Functioning literally effects your effort ability as well! Not to mention If I have a breakdown I tried, why would a lazy person who's not putting in any effort have a breakdown whilst claiming that he was trying the whole time and after so much effort it's all fruitless! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ALvt49eVXM&t=77s

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Additionally these situations happen:

A: "I'm really tired... not sleepy or fatigued... just done like I've actually worked so much" (I have literally shown genuine symptoms of actual burnout when really pushed. YES! I'm not kidding with getting sick constantly and everything!)

B: "but you haven't even done anything, how so?"

A: "I don't know but I cannot do anything right now..."

B: *+disappointment and distrust in A*

&#x200B;

Crying is a genuine emotion, it shows your brain is literally stressed and is releasing tears in an attempt to stabilize.

Like some people will be think I am always stuck thinking about doing things, trying to do it in my head but not doing it in real life, and then crying when I'm failing and limiting/fooling my ownself by these beliefs of it being just not possible no matter how hard I try. (I hate saying such extreme words... but after years of self-doubt and ending up scaring myself even more by trying to assume I'm okay and It's just me who's the problem, I am left with no choice but to use these words because nothing else will be as direct).

&#x200B;

That simple task is like climbing Himalayan Mountains without any gear. Even more so if it's cold water, ironically I've bathed with cold water for like at least 5 years of my childhood, like everyday, as if it was normal.

And omg that was so surprising, you replied in such a kind way! 💙

Don't worry, I didn't take your word to heart I just... started and went on and before I knew it... well you know... (hyperfocus???).

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