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secondaccount22223 OP t1_j6nbfcn wrote

Reply to comment by miasmum01 in Should my bf still be allowed to wingman? M28 F27 (relationship of two years with a baby together) by secondaccount22223

They were coming back to our home after and went to let her dog out

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sairha1 t1_j6nkze2 wrote

Your man should have parted ways and came home at this point though. That is really immature on his part.

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hereforcatsandlaughs t1_j6o0368 wrote

They being…your bf and his friend? And the girl? If your bf is being a wingman, letting his friend go back to the girls place ALONE is the best thing a wingman could do? Something definitely doesn’t add up here.

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Kyuthu t1_j6o98n9 wrote

Yeah this very much. Like what... 0 reason to go to a single girl's house your friend who is trying to score with her. Leave the friend to go alone man. Who's walking there dog at 1am anyway. An excuse for the friend to hang out with her longer and them to keep the night going.

Also OP if you read this... Exactly what he is doing, this is what causes you to mistrust in the first place... Someone lying and breaking your trust. He's has now likely caused you to doubt him, check in more and just more hassle. If you want an easy life, this is not the way to do it. He needs a big talk to understand why he's causing himself more, not less problems and just not respecting you by lying.

It's up to you to decide if you're happy with his actions, not him to hide it so you never get to decide. If you over react or in a way he thinks is excessive for the situation, it's up to him to talk to you about it. Lying does nothing but cause small betrayals constantly that break down the relationship more than he realises. It's not worth it.

If you can't see eye to eye on these situations, you aren't compatible and lying won't change that.

That being said, he did answer the phone and face time, so tbh... besides just saying he was somewhere else, he did not really try to hide it. I really think anyone cheating would be trying hard to hide evidence because they know they are doing something wrong. He sounds like he didn't care enough to, because he probably didn't think it was actually wrong, but lied to get himself out of possible trouble... and on doing so caused trouble.

Big big trust conversation should be incoming here. But I actually think that's probably the brunt of it, unless there was other girls there. And if there's going to be hanging out with regular girls on nights like this, and going to their place etc, you should be invited.

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_j6o2y4b wrote

He says you're insecure- so his solution is to lie and therefore prove to you that you should be insecure?

Plus I don't buy his BS he was a wingman where the plan is to meet up with women.

Did he buy anyone a drink?. Did he sit next to the same woman? Did he dance with that woman? Did he know the woman in advance? Are they connected by social media or texts?

Inform him his lie destroyed your trust. Now he has no right to say "trust me". He's now made himself a liar.

This is a big deal. People divorce for lost trust as often as adultery.

Only he can rebuild trust. What's his plan? He can't say "trust me". At a minimum, to save his marriage he should volunteer : no more going out to a bar with the single friend, and 100% access to his phone and social media accounts.

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