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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2chb41 wrote

Reply to comment by BringbackDreamBars in [23M] [57M] My father refuses to accept I don't want a relationship with him. How do I end it for good? by BringbackDreamBars

So you both handled it poorly.

Is that really reason to end your entire contact with your dad?

You are 23 now. Putting aside how they pressured you. Was it unreasonable for them to want you to be respectful? You were angry at him but unfortunately his decisions weren’t based on your happiness. That’s a tough position for both of you.

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Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2crc8c wrote

He handled it poorly? Of course he did. He was 11. It’s not his job to handle it well. It’s his.

You’ve never had had shitty parent that makes you feel like crap for just being yourself huh?

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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cs225 wrote

That is true but it’s time to revisit the issue as an adult.

Feeling shitty didn’t have to last forever. The father wants to mend it but can’t without meeting half way.

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Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2cuy4d wrote

“It’s time to revisit this issue as an adult”

Why?

What has the father done to earn the right to mend?

Just because someone wants to fix a relationship doesn’t mean you have to.

He asks him not to contact her and he continuously violates his requests. This shows a lack of respect for his feelings, his agency, and his intelligence. Which sounds a lot like what he did when he was young.

Trust, love, and respect are earned.

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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cv9bi wrote

How does he earn it unless they talk?

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Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2cw0g7 wrote

OP is asking his dad to not contact him, to give him some time to figure out his feelings to know what he wants to say when they talk.

Violating that requests means there’s no point in talking because his behavior says it all. He is telling his son his feelings don’t matter. He his telling him that whatever happens between them has to be on the father’s terms. He’s telling him that he hasn’t changed. He earns it by not contacting him like requested.

You admitted that you have no experience with an situation like this. It’s not that simple. You love your dad and can’t understand not giving him the chance to talk with you about something. This isn’t about you. Your experience and viewpoint is not the one everyone else has.

Honestly your comments are ignorant and oblivious of the intense emotions that come along with situations like this, which are often tied up with childhood trauma.

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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cw4qd wrote

Lots of emotional responses.

It’s understandable but it doesn’t help long term.

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Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2cwfik wrote

Help what?

He doesn’t want a relationship with his dad. That is a perfectly fine decision.

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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cwm8h wrote

Hence the original comments.

It may not be the wise decision if this issue could be resolved.

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Cool_Story_Bro__ t1_j2cwtoi wrote

Are you just trolling?

Your original comment was “you both handled it poorly,” and the gist of “get over it and just talk to him.”

So you’re really blaming him for his dad’s fault when he was 11 and now.

Your an AH. I’m not gonna reply anymore.

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WildlyUninteresting t1_j2cx04r wrote

How else do they fix it?

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BringbackDreamBars OP t1_j2d9jo3 wrote

Im not interested in fixing this, as far as I´m concerned. We are done for the forseeable future.

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gurlwithdragontat2 t1_j2dv2zz wrote

They don’t.

OP does not want to.

There is nothing to fix.

The father can want a relationship all he wants. I want an infinite bank account. We all want things.

BUT I cannot go out and demand others money, or decided that all money on earth is mine. I can want that, but I would have to trample others to get it. Now people could decided to give me all their money, and that would be sweet! But unreasonable, because I didn’t earn it.

I’m the dad. The relationship with the son is the money. His father is not entitled to a relationship with him.

Just by virtue of ej*culating in other person once X number of years ago, does not entitle you to the time, energy, or relationship with that person once they reach adulthood. If your child decides they don’t want to have a relationship with you, NO MATTER THE LEVEL OF EVOLVEMENT GROWING UP OR HOW GOOD/BAD YOU THINK YOU WERE AS A PARENT ;then they just don’t, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that.

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