This is where love language theory comes into play. There's a relatively short book called "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman. It's flawed -the test in the back actually breaks pretty seriously with some rather important aspects of the theories laid forth- but it gets the point across. Get a physical copy of this. Be sure your wife sees you reading it. Leave it around, pique her curiosity. Yes, this is manipulative, and that isn't entirely cool, but unfortunately she has made it clear that she's going to have to think that reading this was her idea.

Because here's the thing: yes, actually, it is her job to teach you how to love her. That is the job of every romantic partner. There is no way around this, because there is no one way to love people: even though Chapman's book distills it down to five general themes, there are still so many variations that no two people are ever going to be alike. People aren't telepaths. We have no good way to learn about people other than talking to them.

Now, the above all said, the book isn't just for her. You do sound like you could use some coaching on general ideas, and the book should help in terms of inspiration. You probably already have some sense of things that haven't worked, and this may give you a sense of what you could try next. But if she thinks there's a single way to love people that can just be taught to people in childhood, then she doesn't sound like she's any more savvy about love than you are.