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Curious-One4595 t1_jedvgfx wrote

Reply to comment by thegreatmei in Is my marriage over ? 31M/29F by [deleted]

Maybe, maybe not.

  1. She isn’t saying you disgust me because you are a cheating loser. She’s saying “grow up we’re not kids anymore.” Of course, that’s bullshit if she’s talking about sex. If she finds his efforts at flirting and initiating intimacy ham-handed and immature, that’s different, but she should say so more explicitly and tell him what she likes. But given that she never initiates herself, her lack of interest is clear.

  2. She has had a radical, irrational shift in attitude, refuses counseling, but also refuses to address it in any meaningful way including providing a meaningful explanation.

  3. Sex comes standard in marriage. She can say no at any time. But unilaterally changing a romantic and sexual relationship to a sterile one is wrong. She has broken a fundamental term of their marriage contract. And frankly, if she refuses to explain it or change, that’s on her. Divorce is the best option. But he’s perfectly within his rights to tell her that if she is not going to meet that need, he is going to have it met elsewhere and if she doesn’t like it she can start the divorce proceedings. That doesn’t make him a cheater. That makes him someone dealing with a bad hand. She already ceded her right to be upset about that.

  4. Communication comes standard in marriage. She has opted out of that completely. She is failing this marriage and doing so puts her in the wrong and she doesn’t get an out for ppd or some other physical or mental health problem because she is doing nothing to address it.

OP, it’s ultimatum time. She has totally failed your marriage and refuses to even talk about it. She doesn’t seem to even like you. This is no environment to raise a child in even if your home is amazing and you are both great parents one on one. This issue is why I don’t think getting sex elsewhere is the right choice for you or your kid. She’s not contributing everything but sex to your marriage. She’s not contributing emotional support or basic communication or shared decision making. She’s a disinterested, contemptuous drone.

Communication and marriage counseling or divorce.

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Pixelka t1_jedy8w6 wrote

So he made several posts in 2021 asking for nudes. His kid is two years old, meaning that he was born in late 2020, or in 2021. The problems started after she gave birth.

My guess is she found out he stepped out of their marriage during the pregnancy or soon after she gave birth. And that he was the one who failed their marriage, hence her coldness and lack of communication. She was at a vulnerable state, with possible ppd, with husband that started looking elsewhere as soon as she gave birth (or even before), while she was exhausted from taking care of the baby and looking after the house.

Divorce is the only option in my opinion. They don't love eachother, there is resentment on both sides, no communication on both sides, and it will be better for kid to have two happy single parents, then grow up watching them hate eachother.

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thegreatmei t1_jegad6r wrote

I was dating someone who I really loved and trusted, but I started getting icked out. I thought it was a me problem, because as far as I knew at the time, nothing in our relationship had changed. I just felt gross and anxious when he touched me, and the feeling grew. I felt like I was losing my mind! I told him that I was dealing with some complicated feelings, but it was really hard to articulate what the issue was because I genuinely didn't know what was going on. I ended up breaking up with him because of it.

Turned out, he'd started cheating on me. I didn't consciously see any signs of cheating. No sudden weirdness about his phone, I didn't catch him in any lies, but the first time he slept with the other woman was the night that I just couldn't be around him without feeling gross. It all lined up later once I found out the truth.

Now, obviously, the wife in the post ( if we can trust OP as a narrator, especially now knowing he has omitted important details ) is giving reasons that don't seem to make sense. It makes me wonder if that's done by design to get a certain reaction from us here.

Should she communicate with him? Definitely. Has she? Hard to say.

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