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Cannedsardinesando t1_ispke5y wrote

Reply to comment by __init__RedditUser in Sober events/meetups? by malcolm_miller

Ehhhh if it’s a date at a restaurant or activity sure no prob, but if you are meeting and a bar and don’t mention you don’t drink, I would be highly uncomfortable. Strange man taking me out for drinks but not drinking himself would be HUGE red flags.

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malcolm_miller OP t1_ispqkod wrote

> Strange man taking me out for drinks but not drinking himself would be HUGE red flags.

100%. I will say that in a few cases of me not disclosing it, I've offered <activity> and people seem to be more comfortable grabbing a quick drink or two for a first date. When I mention I don't drink, I've been ghosted. Some people just prefer getting a drink because it eases the nerves and is simple. So a lot of my pre-disclosure experiences were getting ghosted anyway.

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amedelic t1_isqijvc wrote

I would highly recommend putting that you’re sober in your profile- weed out the bad matches ahead of time instead of anyone investing energy in someone who’s not a good fit for them.

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Burdy323 t1_istvnkb wrote

Why would that make you uncomfortable?

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Cannedsardinesando t1_isvhbno wrote

I am going to assume this is a genuine question so I will take the time to answer you, but I’m muting this because I’ve had too many men try to fight with me online about the experience of being a woman:

Because this is a popular tactic for date rapists. They will buy you drinks or encourage you to drink while they remain sober or relatively sober so they can be more in control of the situation while you become more vulnerable, in order to more easily coerce you into having sex.

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Burdy323 t1_isvhrc3 wrote

Sure, that makes total sense, but if someone legitimately doesn’t drink like OP I don’t think they’re actively encouraging someone to get fucked up. Yeah if someone’s encouraging you to drink and insisting they buy the drinks I’d agree that’s suspicious

I think the real red flag in this situation is the pressuring, not someone being sober.

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