Prayer gave me back my knees. All my life I’d been last in sports, I’d run in circles instead of straight for a fly ball or a pass- and don’t get me started on my ten minute hockey career. Well, the doctor said while actually laughing and breaking the news that I had two left knees. My mother wept. I never saw her again.

I wondered what to do. i knew I needed help, but everywhere I turned was… right. I was making no progress. I paced one square metre of the streets for hours, deep in thought. And then in church I saw the light. I prayed for the ability to take the left path, others yelling, “No! You idiot- you mean the right path!”

Little did they know. And one day, my prayers were answered! A local lunatic shot up a daycare full of ripe little knee donors!

It turned out that one was a match for my preferred skin tone, so I grabbed it before anyone from some other religion could.

Thanks to Jeebus, I was pirouetting around that kid’s funeral like I would any other Tuesday- only this time, I spun counter clockwise.