Submitted by msnmck t3_11l7beq in nottheonion
Comments
KrasnyRed5 t1_jbb7m96 wrote
Cocaine Cougar has a decent ring to it.
GetlostMaps t1_jbb9z60 wrote
I think I met her one night at a club.
TrickyWon t1_jbc7xjg wrote
Next time you see her can you tell my mom to come home? We’re hungry.
[deleted] t1_jbd5t2y wrote
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MSRegiGirl t1_jbfp454 wrote
No it wasn't me, I was no where near that club that night, you could never prove it in a court of law, I have an ironclad alibi.
DieselVoodoo t1_jbci9ek wrote
Met a few
Oswarez t1_jbdnw7u wrote
Meth a few you mean?
SelectiveSanity t1_jbbl6be wrote
Yes but our comedy horror sequel is still going to need a coked up African serval cat in it.
KrasnyRed5 t1_jbbq1wy wrote
This is Hollywood, we can replace the African Serval with a cougar, nobody will notice
SelectiveSanity t1_jbbtew8 wrote
What do you mean nobody will notice. One's a savage animal driven by its feral instincts who will eat your young alive if you let it who's going into heat do to a stimulant narcotic, and the other was the 'pet' of some probably Joe Exotic wannabe idiot.
KnowYourLover t1_jbdw56g wrote
Cocaugar
Gh0sts1ght t1_jbd2pfc wrote
Cocaine hippo based on Pablo Escobar needs to come out first
citizn_kabuto t1_jbd12mi wrote
Crack Kitty
DIWhy-not t1_jbcqfpq wrote
Cougs saw his chance and took his shot at stardom.
mrgoldnugget t1_jbcrvg1 wrote
This is just viral marketing for the movie.
TaserLord t1_jbaudb0 wrote
Next, coked up cougars prowl the strip. Beware, young lads.
Dependent_Yesterday9 t1_jbaum4c wrote
You'll hear em' before you see em'.
EaZyGains69 t1_jbdewer wrote
That sounds like a good time
t4ct1c4l_j0k3r t1_jbaxl2a wrote
What is it with all of these animals jacked up on cocaine? Is someone fortifying their feed with it?
msnmck OP t1_jbaywpr wrote
It's what cats crave.
Ranier_Wolfnight t1_jbb4w83 wrote
Motor_West t1_jbb46sy wrote
Who’s their plug??
Dependent_Yesterday9 t1_jbau9xr wrote
Sequel pitches being feverishly written as we speak.
"Alright, how about this. Bear, grumpy, old," tired of this shit".Cat, skittish, excitable, stupid. Team up to take down cartel. Steal their supplies. Give to all animals in a zoo. Plot twist: Matt Damons zoo and he aint havin it."
captain_chocolate t1_jbbwqxq wrote
Not funny that someone gave this cat drugs.
Servals are pets for many people, but they are not typical house cats and must be carefully watched. Owners have to know how to treat them and take care of them properly.
The people who owned this one are assholes.
TranscendentPretzel t1_jbcki6q wrote
What is the point of owning a serval? I have 3 short-hair domestics. At no point have I ever wished they were bigger, wilder, less predictable, more aggressive, more likely to scratch/bite, fight, or send me or a houseguest to the ER. Is it just that they are rare and people feel cool owning them? Do they actually make good pets?
Sparky_Buttons t1_jbdj80s wrote
Yes, yes and no.
[deleted] t1_jbfrywe wrote
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_BellatorHalliRha_ t1_jbfz4i1 wrote
It's pretty funny
M-C_Elroy t1_jbc5ufz wrote
Wtf is going on in Ohio!
Faelwolf t1_jbcd9cw wrote
It's no coincidence that the majority of astronauts are from Ohio. It's so bad that they don't just want to leave the state, they want to leave the planet! :)
JensenWench t1_jbc8rpi wrote
Ikr.. Ohio is just the northern Florida. 🤷♀️
jthoff10 t1_jbcuqvq wrote
It’s bad. So bad.
sporeboyofbigness t1_jbenwfo wrote
Jake Paul is from Ohio.
that explains it all really.
QuestionableAI t1_jbb5koe wrote
Now that would make a great follow up movie to Cocaine Bear
Rosebunse t1_jbb61zm wrote
As funny as this is, the cat could have died or seriously hurt someone
Henarth t1_jbb761q wrote
Cocaine is probably the least dangerous substance found in the Ohio wilderness currently
blonderengel t1_jbd9hsz wrote
Contrary to law enforcement’s ”serval panic,” they don’t pose a serious threat to humans. Unlike cops ..
… who also posed a threat to the serval.
To wit: The serval suffered a broken leg during the capture.
Fortunately, “he got some good pain medications.”
Yeah, more drugs! 😆
“Taylor initially it was thought the cat was an F1 Savannah house cat. While similar in looks to the serval, the two are very different animals.”
Acktschually ( 😆), they aren’t.
Servals make up the other half of the breeding input in a breeding situation 😆 i.e. F1s are bred from a F1 female savannah and a male African serval.
Male servals weigh about 45 pounds at the very TOP end of the scale. Average weight is about 25 pounds. Medium sized dogs outweigh servals.
Average sized male F1s weigh about 23 pounds.
Also what sort of “cat expert” are they talking to?
One that says that says they got “lucky because this cat could’ve shredded us apart and killed us."
Well, I guess that’s one way to get into the Guiness Book because “there are no reports of servals killing an adult human.”
acuet t1_jbc92i8 wrote
Okay, Who had “OHIO+Wild CAT+Cocaine” on their Bingo Card?
jlmcdonald21 t1_jbctoc0 wrote
When regular ol’ catnip ain’t enough
Slimjuggalo2002 t1_jbb33q7 wrote
Wait, did the coke fall off of a train?
DemoEvolved t1_jbcdhxy wrote
Cocaine Cat! Now there’s a movie I’d pay to see
Cornish_Gamehen1 t1_jbe8r1o wrote
Staying the fudge out of Ohio!
MSRegiGirl t1_jbfouur wrote
Will you people quit wasting perfectly good cocaine on creatures that are naturally hyped up and ready to pounce at moments notice, they obviously don't need an extra edge like us humans do.
tranding t1_jbc3wr4 wrote
This movie marketing is really getting out of control
[deleted] t1_jbdf947 wrote
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18114 t1_jbdgs47 wrote
Ohio has no wild cats.
bouchert t1_jbe2ijd wrote
Poor thing, looks pretty out of sorts. Hope it can recover.
Picolete t1_jbe7w5n wrote
New movie coming next year
TellemTrav t1_jbeonxq wrote
Who is giving these animals cocaine???
NikoKida t1_jbev6g9 wrote
Is Ohio just the new Florida now?
nezukotanjiro150 t1_jd2ynqk wrote
Whats next.. cocaine snake
JaxRhapsody t1_jbcfj5s wrote
First Indiana likes to copy us, now Ohio...
NappingYG t1_jbatsv8 wrote
I see Cocaine Bear is getting a sequel.