Submitted by aphibacus192000 t3_z1j1bw in nosleep
I was just an eight-year-old girl when I told my Dad that I saw Mom "naked wrestling" with a man that wasn't him. She swore up and down that she never cheated on him, but Dad didn't believe her. Two years after the dust had settled over the messy divorce, my Mom started seeing a new guy she met in AA. She introduced me to him, but I already recognized him. He was the guy who I saw sleeping with my mom when I was eight. But they wouldn't have sex for the first time until five years later, on their wedding night. Mom was a good woman.
It was around that time that I realized that I could see things before they happened.
I’ll answer some of the questions you probably have: No, I don’t know the winning lottery numbers. No, I don't get to choose what future I see. And no, it's not easy to change the future once I have a "vision" about it.
My visions are a lot like one of those 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles. I get to look at the image on the box to see how it will turn out in the end. But it's like other people are putting the puzzle together. And I can’t stop them. It might take a long time for them to be finished, or maybe there are only a few pieces left by the time I get involved, but for the most part the pieces always fall into place. I can try to remove certain pieces, or rearrange them, or force the wrong pieces together. Sometimes I do end up changing the future for the better, other times all I ever accomplish is making the final result a lot sloppier, and sometimes nothing changes no matter what I do.
When I was in high school I had a vision of a close friend dying in a car crash. I went to the party where I knew he would get too drunk to drive but try to drive anyway. So, I stole his keys. He decided to take his girlfriend's car instead. Along with his girlfriend. My original vision saw him dying shortly after running off the road. But since I intervened, he instead t-boned a minivan at 90 miles per hour, killing himself, his girlfriend, and the father of four in the other car.
Like I said: sometimes when I try to change what is already supposed to happen, it ends up coming out a lot sloppier. There's always a chance that I make things worse. So, I usually try not to change things. But there are some things that I just can't let play out, no matter what else may happen. I was once at a restaurant, and I recognized the couple across from me from one of my visions. In my vision, I was watching a news story about a beautiful young woman who was cut up into pieces and left in black plastic bags all over the city. It was her. The news story then went on to show the man who murdered her. It was him. From the looks of it, she was falling head over heels for the creep. I sent him drinks and flirted with him aggressively until he lost interest in her, which made her storm off in humiliation. I'm sure she hated me for doing that, but if she knew what she was headed towards, I'm sure she'd be glad that I intervened. I looked her up sometime after that. She's a practicing nurse now. Still alive. Has a boyfriend. Last I checked, he proposed. He seems like a much better guy than her date even pretended to be. Speaking of that monster, I never saw him in the news. Which means he hopefully hasn't killed anyone. Or he just hasn’t been caught. I hope I never get to find out which.
It's so much worse being a woman with this "gift". Especially because I don't want to be alone forever. After I caused Mom and Dad to split up, I prayed every night that they'd get back together. But when it became clear that they never would, I promised myself that I'd find someone and have the happy marriage that I always wished they had. But being able to sometimes see how a date is going to end before it even starts has destroyed all my trust in men. And it is already hard to trust them. There are times that I feel like I am almost ready to get back into the dating scene, only to have a horrifying vision showing how putting my trust in a stranger plays out. I know that every guy isn't like that, but too many of them are. And I don't get to see the future of every date I go on, just a few of them. So the best I can do is avoid the truly awful men who attack me in my visions. But my visions have only saved me from some evil men. Some, not all.
But I won't need to worry about other men any more, because I know who I will end up marrying. I've had a vision of a moment we share together, sometime in the future. In it, he's wearing my father's wedding ring that I will give to him when I propose. Most guys are put off by a woman proposing, but not him. He has curly, dirty blonde hair and his light blue eyes are full of tears as he kneels on my chest and covers my face with a pillow and holds it there until I eventually stop moving.
Seeing a vision of my own death never gets any easier to process, no matter how many times I've seen it happen. I often think about all the ways I could die, just like everybody else does, but it's so much worse when you are shown the completed puzzle like that. Especially when you don't know how many pieces are left before it becomes a reality. But there's one thing in this vision that makes it stand out from any other I've had before.
Any other time I've had a vision of my own murder my face always looks the same when I finally die. It's unmistakable. Even after the shock, or fear, or confusion, or pleading, I always die with this regretful look on my face.
But not in that vision. Right before the man with the dirty blonde hair lays the pillow on my face, I look peaceful. I look ready. I look happy. I look like I know what is going to happen. Like a woman with no regrets. A woman who feels safe and listened to and has been loved for years and years and years. I look like I finally understand something that could never be explained.
I keep thinking about the way that I looked in that vision. In my entire 32 years of life, I have never felt anything close to what I have seen I could feel in my last moments alive. I never thought I would ever get to be happy. I’ve only ever imagined a deep, deep misery at the end of the line for me. As hopeless as it was lonely. I have spent my life convincing myself that my death would only be as painful and terrible as my life has always been. And I saw no way out. And I’ve tried to take my own way out. Multiple times.
I want to feel the way that I felt in that vision. And I know it's possible. No, it's guaranteed. All I have to do is accept it and not try to change the future that I’ve already seen. I can get all the things that I want in life, I just have to die. I want to be clear: I am terrified of dying. But I am more terrified of living a life that never gets to experience that one fleeting moment of happiness. I'd rather risk dying happy than survive being unhappy.
I don't know if you'd understand unless you've lived my life. I don't know if anyone could.
Full disclosure: I've found the dirty blonde man in my vision. I've been dating him for a year now. He's so funny, and kind, and he makes me feel so heard and supported. We've had ups and downs, but we always come back together to talk things out. I love him. I know he's the one.
I know he's the one.
I'm actually going to propose to him as soon as I'm done writing this. I'm going to offer him my Dad's wedding band, of course. I am pretty sure he's going to say yes. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.
EDIT: To all the people who keep downvoting me: that's not going to make me change my mind.
To all the people in the comments who have a gift that's like mine: thank you for sharing your story! I always hoped there'd be more people like me. Thank you for your support ♥️
To all the people in the comments who are telling me I'm crazy, or narcissistic, or that this is all simply a symptom of trauma... You aren't the first to tell me that.
CoffeeBeanx3 t1_ixbn63w wrote
Maybe it's not murder when it finally happens. Maybe it's assisted suicide in a sloppy way (you might want to discuss the pillow method before it happens).
I have often discussed with my loved ones the situations where I'd want to be allowed to die, or maybe get help. I work in healthcare, as does my mum, so that's kind of just a thing nurses do. A lot of people don't discuss end of life plans until it's too late and their partner has to make a decision on their own.
So maybe just sit down, have that conversation before marrying him and putting your medical wellbeing in his hands, and even if it ends up being murder, maybe he'll get a nicer idea than the pillow. Because no matter how calm you looked in your vision, if you're not sedated when it happens you're going to struggle eventually and that's not a calm death.