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Sounds like instructions for dealing with the Fey Folk, with a few things missing.

Welp, what’s your new name, buddy? Maybe you could go by Leon Gilbert Benjamin? Kinda close but technically not your name?

I still haven't decided yet, but that is a good name, thank you! I'll certainly give it some thought

Someone is trying to scare you out of town. Did you piss anyone off recently?

Idk about you but I’d listen to the note

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Not that I know of, I just hope this is all some elaborate prank

I suppose I should, thanks for the advice

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