A restraining order is not an option since we never lived together, I already tried
Comments
CrackaZach05 t1_ite5uqo wrote
This is a law that needs changing.
enabed OP t1_ite4vk4 wrote
How can I get them to do that? Just keep filing harassment complaints?
Mandy0621 t1_itgftip wrote
Something like this happened to me (a friend) and the police told us that we couldn’t file a complaint because my other friend kept responding to the texts (she’s confrontational). That was in Pennsylvania. Not sure where you are, but basically leaving them unanswered would’ve helped us.
justcharliey t1_itioqnu wrote
Good on you for letting people know. Too many people have no idea about this.
trixiewutang t1_iteb1cg wrote
Find out her address and mail her termites ???
gungirl83 t1_itedx72 wrote
This one made me snort laugh
Holdmypipe t1_itescfr wrote
Or a bag of dicks!
Emptyplates t1_itgwnfm wrote
Glitter bomb!
bishyfemme t1_itez5a9 wrote
There is a podcast called Strictly Stalking that gives many victims a platform to tell their stories that otherwise get buried because they often don’t receive help from the police or courts. They have a link tree on their Instagram with a number of resources for people struggling with this kind of issue.
If I may offer one piece of advice that is always repeated from anyone seeking legal action against someone persisting is to keep detailed records of every single interaction. Without fail.
Realistic-Captain207 t1_ite7omp wrote
I’ve dealt with the same exact issue from an ex’s ex boyfriend. Over 10 years and after cops and courts got nothing fixed. Only choice was to wait for him to swing first and beat his ass up every single time.
Sooner or later I’m sure it’s gonna escalate to something more than a fist fight, but unfortunately not the cops or the judge give a damn.
JudyLyonz t1_itemrwj wrote
Do you have any idea why she bugging you? Does she know and can she gt to you physically? Are you afraid for your personal safety and/or the safety of others? Does she have a history of doing this sort of thing?
So what to do?
- First, see a lawyer, see a lawyer, see a lawyer. Not Lawyer Google, not lawyer "this is what someone from the Internet thinks, but a real flesh and blood attorney. Find out what your legal options are
- Keep a log of every communication with her:
- Date and time
- Who initiated it
- Is there any precepitating event
- A screen shot of what was sent or a transcript of everything that was said from Hello to Good Bye
- Is there any precipitating event shortly after (slashed tires, broken windows, lots of hang up calls, calls to your job, etc)
- Every time she contacts you, notify the police and add a notation to the log
- What time and date you called
- Who you spoke with
- If they took any kind of official report
- What they said, any commitments they might have made
And talk to a lawyer.
huhzonked t1_ite69zc wrote
This might be above Reddit’s pay grade. Have you contacted a lawyer? Have you also contacted the ex wife’s family to let them know she’s continuing to harass you? I don’t know if that’s a good idea 100% but if my family member was harassing someone, I’d perform an intervention with the back of my hand and stop them.
jimo95 t1_ite5b26 wrote
Sign a harassment complaint through the municipal court.
BlessedJiggers t1_ite3wop wrote
I’m not a lawyer, this isn’t legal advice, etc. From a practical perspective you can do whatever possible to disengage (don’t respond) and distance (close off avenues she’s using). Beyond that, you can continue filing complaints, especially if what she’s doing or saying is meant to make you afraid for your safety.
enabed OP t1_ite418c wrote
I have been doing that for 2 years… now she’s reaching out to my family and reaching out to me via ex’s email pretending to be him
peter-doubt t1_ite68zv wrote
Impersonation is another issue.. it borders on identity theft, And that's a crime
Talk about it in depth with the cops, see if they know a lawyer who is familiar with those issues.
Good luck!
BlessedJiggers t1_ite4k1r wrote
I’m sorry to hear that. This may be above reddit’s pay grade, though a criminal law attorney can take a look at all of the reports you filed over the years, the steps you’ve taken to cut communication, etc. I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to not give her a reaction that encourages her to continue.
manfromfuture t1_ite6k6q wrote
/r/legaladvice
s1ugg0 t1_itgcigd wrote
That entire sub could be summarized with "No one here is a lawyer. Talk to a real attorney."
Lawyers are expensive because they are worth it.
manfromfuture t1_itgidz3 wrote
No, in fact there are lots of lawyers that give advice there. If you aren't a lawyer you have to indicate as much in your comment. "Get a lawyer" is common advice but they tell you precautions to take in the short term. E.g. call the police each time X happens.
uniquan t1_ite7091 wrote
r/IllegalLifeProTips
curiousandsure718 t1_itgsdj4 wrote
Kick her ass!
bros402 t1_itgguzp wrote
Go to the municipal court and file a civil complaint - judge could put a no-contact provision
Irish-Bronx t1_itgoqa3 wrote
Do you think you could take her in a fight?
One-Mall-950 t1_ith63jm wrote
Civil suit! Make it hurt her financially.
justcharliey t1_itiokqt wrote
Document everything, make sure you have video surveillance set up at home and a dash cam in your car. Keep your head on a swivel. Don’t expect much help from the authorities unfortunately.
Algae-Ok t1_ite3mir wrote
I have never heard you can’t file a restraining order for not living with you. You might have to do at the court house in your county.
bloodandpheromones t1_ite7iyc wrote
OP is correct - they don’t have a qualifying relationship under the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, which is how NJ does restraining orders. OP, you CAN, while municipal harassment complaints are pending, get the municipal court judge to put a no contact provision into any continuance orders. You can also possibly file a civil complaint for harassment and seek a no contact order through the Chancery division of the Superior Court, but that can be very hit or miss.
SierraSeaWitch t1_ite7p7e wrote
In NJ restraining orders can only be taken against someone with whom you have or had a familial or domestic relationship. This covers most family members but also platonic roommates.
MasterXanthan t1_itended wrote
Then what are you supposed to do if you have a stalker who hasn't lived with you? Are you just screwed?
SierraSeaWitch t1_itenmys wrote
That is a criminal matter that has to be reported to the police and brought to court by a prosecutor. Restraining Orders under the NJ DV act is civil matter (brought by the individual, not a prosecutor). Different laws. Different courts. Different Judges. Different standards.
Weltanschauung_Zyxt t1_ithb9q1 wrote
Please repost this as a primary comment. There are avenues in criminal court, I've read the statutes. I'm not surprised in the least that the local PD can't be bothered to advise OP.
enabed OP t1_itlmw1b wrote
Please explain?
Weltanschauung_Zyxt t1_itm2zr5 wrote
enabed OP t1_ite3s14 wrote
I tried already
onlyletters999 t1_ite4q2s wrote
You can block the number on your phone. .
enabed OP t1_ite4ucd wrote
It’s been blocked
LaurensPhotos t1_itezi2o wrote
Change the number, sucks, but, tell family and friends it has to happen
ChesterNorris t1_ite6un8 wrote
Just curious, is there a reason given?
Or is she a psycho? (Or both?)
enabed OP t1_ite7nig wrote
She’s a psycho who has been obsessed with me and nobody is allowed to be better than her
[deleted] t1_iteooqk wrote
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DowntimeMisery t1_itfblbu wrote
File for an order of protection
elmariachi304 t1_itg2zn0 wrote
Press charges for aggravated harassment
beeps-n-boops t1_ith3820 wrote
Why would the fact you never lived together matter? At this point, she is one individual harassing another unrelated individual, no different than a neighbor or a stranger.
shywicklow t1_ith42w6 wrote
if she says threateining off the wall stuff record it and then tell her you'll play it for her employer if she has one.
urbjam t1_itemmrz wrote
Go to your municipal court and file the complaint against her yourself.
[deleted] t1_ites13e wrote
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weaselpoopcoffee1 t1_itecgmo wrote
I think this could constitute stalking. If not start harassing her back. Sit outside her house and snap photos of her coming and going etc... Make sure she sees you.
jerseypm70 t1_itfrf2s wrote
Ignore it
Thatguycris96 t1_ite3n6w wrote
Fuck her man!. Your ex man!. Send it as a video to her.
You can get a restraining order on the person even if y’all didn’t live together though. Or I would assume you that’s posible . I don’t see why you can’t if there’s proof of harassment and more
enabed OP t1_ite3r9z wrote
I went to the superior court and they told me I can’t get a restraining order on her if I’ve never been in an intimate relationship with her or lived with her
Thatguycris96 t1_ite3z4t wrote
Wtf that’s so stupid… I hate this state and country.
Snownel t1_ite4o68 wrote
Call the police again. Every time she contacts you, make a record of it and block her. Unfortunately you're correct that you can't get a restraining order in NJ unless you are or were married, dating, screwing, or cohabitating with the other person. Aside from suing her for damages, the only legal way to get her to stop is if they charge her with harassment (2C:33-4) or something worse if applicable.