I like this!

Perhaps you can help me explain to my captives that the guillotine is a good method for executing them. It is quieter than my shotgun (about 8Db vs 88Db) and the guillotine requires only 1/5th the amount of wood as the gallows requires (and only 25% of the rope). Guillotines can unintentionally amputate a digit or an appendage, but so can butcher knives, cars, hydraulic presses, lathes, CNC machines, augers, and this owes to operator error. At the end of their life cycle, guillotines are far more recyclable than gas chambers, and more sustainable with less carbon output and far less dependency on supply chains. And both MVCs and overdoses of prescription drugs kill far more people (4000% and 5200%, respectively) than guillotines kill each year.

Now you take it from here, please.