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Tommygunn504 t1_j29c67a wrote

Reply to comment by F84-5 in [EU] You, an ordinary person with a boring job, marry the love of your life... and unknowingly into a big crime family. You don't notice because you've always been socially awkward. Because of your apparently blasé attitude to tense situations, you've developed a reputation in the Underworld by MidgardWyrm

Thanks for the critique, I'm still figuring out what "voice" would be suited for each piece I write, like is it narrated or in first person. I've been told recently I need more detail in my writing, other times too much detail. I'm glad you liked it though

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F84-5 t1_j29pv1x wrote

I think the level of detail is good, at least for this kind of format. I do think it would benefit from a few more scenes with dialog in place of plane narration, but I'm not a writer myself, so do with that as you wish.

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Tommygunn504 t1_j2av8bc wrote

That actually makes alot of sense. I kinda jumped ahead a few times, and I tried to shorthand some dialogue

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