Submitted by yomommafool t3_zxcvxc in Jokes
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Comments
[deleted] t1_j1zjqmm wrote
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Depressed_Zebra t1_j1zrkac wrote
This is the dumbest anti-religious sentiment I have ever heard and I am most definitely committing it to memory and using it as belligerently and as frequently as humanly possible.
Thank you good Sir.
InquisitorNikolai t1_j1zt6zj wrote
I mean... There are several things I could mention when discussing this
_dantastic t1_j1zuhr4 wrote
Preach.
fairweatherfixd t1_j1zwghm wrote
True facts 😎
fairweatherfixd t1_j1zwoii wrote
It's Vatican City, not Vatican't City, they'll find them
Globularist t1_j1zwwa2 wrote
Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
anonbene2 t1_j1zxc99 wrote
Then he arose from the dead then what happened? Did he die again and no one noticed or paid any attention to? Where is he buried this time? Is he walking around as a zombie? Weird how nobody followed him to see what's up. Some son of a god he is.
anonbene2 t1_j1zxnui wrote
You could start a whole nother cult claiming, no, this is where he finally died for real. All praise this hole in this rock not that one. Monty Python get on that.
Pixearity t1_j1zyksk wrote
I like it
Pixearity t1_j1zylfr wrote
I like you
Pixearity t1_j1zylp2 wrote
Did you say free karma?
Pixearity t1_j1zym1b wrote
Lovely comment
Make_the_music_stop t1_j1zzum3 wrote
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant "Table for twenty-six, please."
"There's only thirteen of you."
"Yes, but we all like to sit on the same side."
whitehorse201071 t1_j200af5 wrote
Nailed it. :)
Snoringdragon t1_j201dfw wrote
Best t-shirt ever: Jesus was a cross-dresser.
roon_79 t1_j202h5y wrote
Nice....I really like it
Dashover t1_j2068ic wrote
Gd asked “How’s your Sex life, son?” I’d screw anything that wasn’t nailed down
Heffpeeyell t1_j206m8t wrote
I like that you like that user.
RedShooz10 t1_j206r8s wrote
Eh it’s a joke
Substantial-Visual35 t1_j207g0s wrote
ProfessionalGuitar84 t1_j20a136 wrote
Damn, saw this weeks ago...
[deleted] t1_j20ajoc wrote
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TooShiftyForYou t1_j20atuh wrote
The Romans always brought a bucket of bleach to their crucifixions.
It's important to prevent cross contamination.
OrzhovMarkhov t1_j20buse wrote
Can't tell if this is sarcastic or not but what happened after is literally in the Bible
lex_tok t1_j20cuey wrote
Judas: Hey Jezus, will you come to the last supper!?
Jezus: The what!?
Judas: Euh... The supper..wil you come to the supper?
Bdellio t1_j20dmch wrote
How did they get back home from the restaurant? They all left in one accord.
anonbene2 t1_j20egj2 wrote
The bible? Tl:Dr
Waitsfornoone t1_j20ev5r wrote
This is quite the thorny issue.
[deleted] t1_j20g951 wrote
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Mcletters t1_j20ht59 wrote
Crucifixion? Good. Line on the left, one cross each.
raptorthebun t1_j20ipzu wrote
It's a fact that Jesus existed, so I think the joke works better if it starts with something like If Jesus was truly the Son of God
Accurate-Ad-1142 t1_j20kazv wrote
I don't understand what you mean by this.
insufferableninja t1_j20n4p4 wrote
It's not a fact that Jesus existed. It's accepted by historians that he probably existed.
insufferableninja t1_j20n9mm wrote
Crucifixion sounds like cruci-fiction. Fiction is the opposite of fact.
judahrosenthal t1_j20o1na wrote
I saw this a few weeks ago for first time too. Super funny.
raptorthebun t1_j20oyae wrote
It's pretty unanimous that scholars agree he existed by the same standards applied to historical figures from the same time period. That's a fact in my book unless you want to be extremely careful and say we don't really know anything about people from 2,000 years ago. Reddit can downvote and I'm not saying anything about Christianity or whether Jesus was God or whatever, but Jesus was a real dude who existed.
[deleted] t1_j20psco wrote
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flamingdonkey t1_j20pxuz wrote
Did the mods seriously remove this???
HD-Thoreau-Walden t1_j20rnp4 wrote
I believe there is even one small reference to him in Roman records.
abumchuk t1_j20sbpn wrote
What was the punchline? I need to know
AppiusClaudius t1_j20veza wrote
Probably a play on fiction. "Crucinonfiction" or "crucifaction" or something.
Vee-Jay-Lumpenprol t1_j20wdlz wrote
It might also work better if you don’t post if you don’t have a sense of humor. Try thinking of blasphemy as a low form of prayer.
kaiwulf t1_j20x3p3 wrote
It would be fact, not fiction (a play on the spoken sound of crucifixion)
kaiwulf t1_j20xhil wrote
Probably reported by one of those Real Faith™ warriors that seem to like to come to this sub to condemn religious jokes
abumchuk t1_j20y1zx wrote
abumchuk t1_j20y425 wrote
flamingdonkey t1_j20z2fj wrote
"They would call it a crucifact."
kaiwulf t1_j20zeag wrote
Ah, I see you did your so-called research by going straight to Wikipedia to back up your claim. Good scholarly information there sage nods
As u/insufferableninja pointed out, historians agree there may have been a man (yes a plain ol regular man) that your religious dude was based off of. Possibly a philosopher in those times. This is all still theoretical tho. There's no concrete evidence of that specific individual existing that can without a shadow of doubt be traced back to as an origin point. So NO, his existence is not fact
flamingdonkey t1_j20zh0w wrote
Yeah, but usually an r/jokes mod will post those reports in the comments to make fun of them and state that they aren't removing it.
kaiwulf t1_j20zwc4 wrote
Hmmm, true you have a point there
I was just having a fun guess based on the recent influx of holy rollers being mad at jokes. I honestly don't see any reason for its removal
murphanduncas t1_j2107us wrote
"Water for everyone" with a wink.
raptorthebun t1_j216g41 wrote
Wikipedia is actually a pretty solid source these days. There are tons of sources listed at the bottom of articles. You sound like my 6th grade teacher 20 years ago.
Also, if you read what I said carefully, I'm not claiming divinity of Jesus. I just said it was a dude who lived. You can look at what I linked, or perhaps better the one on historicity of Jesus and you'll find scholars are in agreement that Jesus was baptized and crucified and we have solid records of those two things. Everything else is up for debate. But if you want to just say no way you're wrong without any evidence on your side that's fine too. Not invested enough to argue more. Perhaps my original point didnt even improve the joke. I just thought the fact/fiction should be relating to religion and not the existence of a dude historians agree was a real guy.
kaiwulf t1_j217vl2 wrote
Ad hominem fallacy. Exactly what I'd expect from someone who doesn't have a real argument.
YOU keep saying all these historians agree Jesus did in fact exist. I'm correcting you and saying from a scientific research standpoint that he MAY HAVE existed. Wikipedia is a lot of things but research material it is not
dje1964 t1_j21fhdp wrote
What was Jesus saying during Michael Angelo's Last Supper?
Anyone that wants to be in the picture needs to sit on this side of the table
MaygarRodub t1_j21pr8c wrote
Around April, maybe?
insufferableninja t1_j220uyb wrote
That was an interesting read. The history by Josephus, which was lost, was quoted by Tacitus, but that history was also lost, but Tacitus's quotation of Josephus was quoted by a third historian. And that meets the criteria for a primary source of the existence of Josh of Nazareth. Being a historian must be so incredibly frustrating.
Apprehensive-Search6 t1_j22583d wrote
To all those coming for the punchline:
If it was the truth, they would call it crucifacts instead
Victorious85 t1_j225fjc wrote
Crucifact
uphillStick225 t1_j1zix46 wrote
Vatican City wants to know your location