Don't wake Up Until Ten

Submitted by Goatmanthealien t3_z5gs4x in Jokes

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Seventy is the worst age to be," announced the seventy year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the eighty year old. "When you're eighty, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"

"Actually," said the ninety year old, "ninety is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the seventy year old.

"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I piss like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the eighty year old.

"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30.", says the ninety year old.

With great exasperation, the seventy year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being ninety?"

To which the ninety year old replied, "I don't wake up until ten."

​

Edit: thanks for the award!

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Comments

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Grievous_Nix t1_ixvyql9 wrote

> puts punchline as title

were you also one of those guys who yelled “Snape kills Dumbledore!” to people queueing at bookstores for that HP book?

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Bingeljell t1_ixxnlgz wrote

I almost did that to my then girlfriend. Decided i hadn't given up on my own humanity and then didn't.

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azanker t1_ixw0t1q wrote

My 86 year old mother would like to know how he knows what time he craps and pees if he does not wake up till 7:00?

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MistraloysiusMithrax t1_ixwz7q9 wrote

It’s written on the care chart for his CNA. Not long after he explains his predicament they leave his room and he forgets.

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lazernanes t1_ixy074g wrote

The way I heard the joke he doesn't get out of bed until later.

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Seanattikus t1_ixwnnna wrote

It's funny, but you ruined the punchline by making it the title of the post.

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ofekpere t1_ixw03ca wrote

I think this joke needs to be updated to 70, 80, 90.

60’s not too old anymore... is it? Right? I am not old guys

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jojobarto t1_ixw4kfp wrote

Also having consistent ages within the joke would be good.

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gorwraith t1_ixxbjoa wrote

My sixty three year old FIL just spent a week at my house. He woke up at 5 every morning. Stomped down every stair from the second floor the basement, turned on the basement TV loud enough that he could hear it back on the first floor as he banged every pan in the kitchen looking for the coffee beans we left out for him (and showed him) the night before.

As soon as anyone one else was awake he went back up to his room for a nap. He came back down when brunch was served, then went back downstairs to watch more TV. Sometimes getting the kids to end their show. He only came back up for dinner and didn't talk to anyone that came down to say hi.

After dinner we invited him to join us for a game. And he denied because..."I've spent all day with you people and I need some time to myself."

He's 63. My MIL is 64 and she drank, cooked, cleaned, and partied with the rest of us.

Long story short, some people are very old in their 60s and some aren't.

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notoriousnationality t1_ixw33vf wrote

I agree. In my design agency there are many 60s and even a 77 year old and they look great and energetic. Old age is 85+ unless one has chronic conditions or worse, dementia.

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EngineerBill t1_ixywie9 wrote

There are two things that happen to you as you get older - one is you lose your memory, I can't remember what the other thing is...

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John_Smith243 t1_ixwz6n7 wrote

'cordin' to the Bible, you're an elder. That just means you receive honor because you're wise.

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Nezrite t1_ixwzho5 wrote

Then I'm here to report if I'm wise, then wise is stupid.

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John_Smith243 t1_ixx2gc4 wrote

😂 Perhaps a sign that your wise. A truly wise person will never claim it, but will let others talk about it. A fool will boast in his non-existent wisdom.

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JustKittenAroundHere t1_ixxmut4 wrote

Average lifespan of an American is mid/late seventies. But it's pretty easy to find people much older than that who if you'd guess their age you'd guess 1 or more decades younger.

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embarrassed_error365 t1_ixxpl0y wrote

Saw the punchline a mile away, since that’s what we started with

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Feisty-Pumpkin-6359 t1_ixwmwm0 wrote

Continuity issues with the age, I guess the worst part is the dementia

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Sufficient-Annual-51 t1_ixwkfvo wrote

Updated definition of middle age: 55-85

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slade51 t1_ixz7qer wrote

I redefine “old” every time I reach the age I previously thought.

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Vinaflynn t1_ixxuz69 wrote

if I'm ever in a nursing home, I will be doing this right at shift change every day...for shis and giggles. JK, just taking the pss. I wouldn't do that unless the staff sucked.

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AlexanderHamilton04 t1_ixzuy1z wrote

>"What's so tough about being eighty ?"

"What's so tough about being ninety ?"
(Obviously the memory goes at ninety too.)

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