My (M32) friends (M29, F31, F29, F33) are ignoring me and it's breaking my heart.

Submitted by Lonely-Kunt t3_z8cl9y in relationship_advice

I'm not exactly sure what to do, hoping I can get some advice.

A few years ago I basically shut myself off from society besides some direct family members.

Mostly because a lot of people who I thought were close friends and family hurt me simply by completely and utterly ignoring me.

No one has ever given me an explanation for it other than they were "busy". And that's fine, but then why would you bother reading the message (I can see you did it!) And then just never respond. Why wouldn't you just tell me you were busy or you weren't interested?

Being ignored is one of the top 5 things you can do to me to just destroy me.

So my response to that was to just stop, if I removed the things that were hurting me, I'd feel better.

And I did, for a long time.

Then I met some new folks and they kind of managed to worm their way in to my life and I was thrilled to have the companionship again.

I married two of what I used to consider my best friends this Summer. They were having trouble finding someone to do it, so I offered to. I even paid out of pocket for the licenses. They offered to pay but I told them this was my gift to them.

It was a lovely wedding and I almost started crying myself.

Well, fast forward to now and it's probably been close to two months since I've spoken to anyone in my friend group. Specifically I've reached out multiple times within the last two months, folks have read my message and then just never responded.

I understand I'm not entitled to anyone's time. I know folks have lives outside of mine and other responsibilities.

It just hurts me so badly when I'm just blatantly ignored.

Hell, even typing this now I have a headache, as well as hot flashes, it's making me so upset just thinking about it.

I have always told people if they have any problems, if anyone is upset, I value and appreciate dialog and it's just been radio silence.

If I've done something wrong, I am completely unaware of what it was.

I'm not sure what to do at this point, confronting anyone about this feels wrong, at the same time my anxiety has been so bad over this I've been losing sleep and having panic attacks.

I'm thinking about just ghosting these people too and isolating myself again. It's lonely but at least I can rely on myself.

2

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_iyaxc6s wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

PixieOnAcid t1_iyayq2q wrote

Are you in therapy?

1

Lonely-Kunt OP t1_iyazq9o wrote

This was something I wanted to touch on, but the post was getting pretty long.

Although I'm not diagnosed, I think I got a few issues going on.

I grew up in an abusive household, I've been dealing with depression since middle school. It comes and it goes.

I also need stuff pointed out to me, like I need incredibly specific instructions when folks ask me to do something. It doesn't matter what it is.

Years ago I was helping a friend of mine move houses, I asked them what to do with the boxes and they told me to "toss them off the porch", thats exactly what I did. Turns out the box had a ton of China in it and was broken. I wasn't trying to be malicious, I was doing what was asked of me.

When I get groceries for my Mother, even though I know she drinks both white and chocolate milk, if she just puts "Milk" on the list, I'll only get white. She has to put both white and chocolate milk on the list. I'm not trying to inconvenience her, it's like it just automatically happens.

I guess what I'm trying to say that although I feel like a normal functioning adult I often wonder if I may be on the spectrum or something.

I haven't gone to therapy and I cannot afford to do so.

1

PixieOnAcid t1_iyb1ga1 wrote

It does sound to me like you might be on the spectrum or have some other mental health problem. I'm not a therapist so don't take my word for it. But consider that that might have some implication in why people stop talking to you, not to be harsh. Just the way that you talk about the mental breakdown you're having when people don't have time in their adult lives to reply to a text message sounds exhausting.

I think it would be really beneficial for you to try to get into some free/reduced cost therapy if you can find it. It might be useful for you to find coping mechanisms for times like this, but also to seek either a diagnosis or help with your anxiety.

1

Lonely-Kunt OP t1_iyb2vl1 wrote

That's the problem, no one has responded to me in almost two months. I'll reach out to someone, won't hear anything and I'll wait a week until I try again.

If you cared about someone, why wouldn't you acknowledge them and respond if you already took the time to read the message?

It feels like to me you're justifying ignoring people. It's rude and inconsiderate. I don't feel I'm wrong for being upset.

I may not respond immediately to people when I get messages, but you'll always hear back from me the same day.

1

whereisthetvchanger t1_iyb2ipi wrote

I think you need to adjust your expectations. I’m also in my 30s and see this as pretty normal.

It could be a few weeks to a couple months between hang out sessions. We’re all busy. Especially if they got married…or if they work a weird schedule or live more than 10 minutes away. Also- what else is going on in their life? Did they start a new job, going through a renovation, just have a kid, ect.

I agree the ghosting is hurtful. I do forget to text back sometimes. But only you can differentiate if it’s someone forgetting to text back or if they truly don’t value you. Also - what are you texting? Is it a blank “hey” or is it “hey let’s get together soon. When are you free?”.

I’d stop reaching out and see if they do. Then you’ll know for sure.

1

Lonely-Kunt OP t1_iyb3roq wrote

It's literally like, "We haven't talked or seen each other in awhile and I was thinking about you guys. Do you have time to get together in the future?"

That's the problem I'm having. I know folks get busy, I can accept a, "No, we're pretty busy this week". I just check in later, usually a week or so later.

Whats happening is I'm just being left on read indefinitely.

I don't think expecting people to respond within a couple days of being contacted unreasonable.

I guess you're right, I'm just gonna do what I did before focus on myself and forget these assholes.

1

Lonely-Kunt OP t1_iybb129 wrote

Well thanks everyone. Apparently I might be autistic and that's why no one will talk to me or acknowledge me.

I'm just gonna go back to self isolating again. Dealing with people is too painful and the pay off is insignificant.

1