My boyfriend (22m) gave half of his salary to his mom who dislikes me (22f)

Submitted by OkRepresentative8265 t3_127gnxa in relationship_advice

So me (23f) and my bf (22m) has been dating for over a year. We are currently not living together but are planning soon in the future. My bf currently lives with his mother, around 1 hour away from my place. I’m living in a housing that my company provided.

So my bf earns more than me. He’s a software engineer while I’m a content writer. He work 3 days at home and 2 days in the office, while I have to go to office everyday. So this is just the background.

A little bit about my bf is, he has 3 other siblings, 2 older brothers and an older sister, which means my bf is the youngest. He’s the only one living with his mom. The 2 bothers doesn’t provide anything to his mother, not even a penny. Meanwhile the sister would give around 500 bucks every month. She used to give 700 buck ever since she started living with her bf, she gave less, understandable.

So my bf started working right after he graduated. He got a job and earned around 3.2k monthly. Every month, his mom would expect him to give her money. When he first started working, he gave her 800 a month. But she always complains how it’s not enough. And then my boyfriend would have to add more for other expenses, like cat foods, groceries and night outs. Which can get to a total of 300-400 bucks.

So today is his payday. Which turns out to be my birthday also. He has this plan for us to have dinner together and stuff (you can read more at my other post). Earlier today, he told me he already gave his mom half of his salary, which is around 1.5k. He told me it was because he was sick of his mom kept on complaining about the money not being enough.

I understand his point, but to be completely honest, even with that amount of money, i strongly believe his mum will still ask him to support her other expenses. So I’m now thinking, is he going to start giving her half of his salary from now on? What about his savings? What about our future? Will his mum still continue to pressure my boyfriend even though she has 3 other kids?

I seriously don’t know what to do. I feel like my future with him is unstable if his mum kept on being this way. Will he put his mum first before me even after we’re married? I just need everyone’s advice on this.

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TSS997 t1_jee7wat wrote

> I understand his point, but to be completely honest, even with that amount of money, i strongly believe his mum will still ask him to support her other expenses.

She very likely will

> So I’m now thinking, is he going to start giving her half of his salary from now on? What about his savings? What about our future? Will his mum still continue to pressure my boyfriend even though she has 3 other kids?

All legitimate questions to ask him and it’s best to do so now. If he will always put his mother first it’s seems like that’s a dealbreaker for you (and many others). If you wait until you are married, buy a house, or even worse have kids things will be much more complicated to end.

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introverted_smallfry t1_jee8280 wrote

Its not his job to pay for all her stuff. I would tell him he needs to be more independent and less giving to her, if he wants to have a future with you. He can get his own place with that salary. She needs to figure it out on her own.

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