I am gonna start by saying that I am not a saint... I have been wearing my SO's patience down with my depression and insecurity. Overtime my fears and inability to deal with his anger became a huge problem in the relationship, I get too scared and I am unable to validate his frustration and anger and it escalates to huge arguments in which he calls me names such as c*nt, r*tard, stupid, b*tch, idiot, dumb and things of the sort. Saying that I act stupid and dumb, and mentioning that he now understands why my ex abused me in the past. Eventually, I start crying and he mentions that I am being manipulative with my crocodile tears because he doesn't believe I am capable of changing myself, or that I am a good person.

Our arguments are usually because of very small things. Like me not understanding a word that he said, or not pronouncing something correctly, or using the wrong word - English is not my first language - and that really is a big problem because I understand I can cause a lot of frustration by not being precise, clear and specific in my speech and text. He will say that it's unpleasant to talk to me because I can never admit that I am wrong (I usually want to understand why I am wrong beforehand or to explain my point of view, but that is seen as me being manipulative or me being stubborn. I am not sure how I can be assertive and not be a stubborn person, because whenever I try to be assertive I am put down and kicked like a dog.)

I have tried many times to ask him to stop calling me names, but he blames me for making him so angry that he has no other choice but to resort to it. And if I don't stop him or calm him down by acknowledging his anger and stop my anger-inducing behavior (stop saying things wrong, stop making mistakes in videogames, or stop asking dumb questions) I will continue to get called all of those things because that is what he thinks of me.

He started saying that I am probably narcissistic, sociopathic, or borderline... which is very hurtful. I already have issues trusting my own reality and now having labels thrown at me is very scary. Yesterday, the therapist I am going to mentioned that my SO is the one that maybe needs therapy too. And is treating me unfairly by making me be extremely tough on myself, changing the perception that I have of myself.

I am not sure of how to go from here. I wasn't doing anything yesterday, only drawing and concentrating on my studies and he got upset because I was looking ugly with my concentrated face. And that he will stop looking at me whenever I am thinking too hard. It is like I can never win. Everything is wrong with me. He mentioned that I used to smile a lot more and I said that the fights are making me feel too tired and unhappy to smile, he asked how long I am going to be unhappy for, which is an odd question. I replied I will stop being unhappy when the relationship starts healing.

Then I asked for some alone time... and he proceeded to treat me extremely cold for the rest of the day. After a few hours I checked on him and he was rude, saying that he was respecting my space. I said he could still text me and such if he wants. I was still texting him every now and then, but I was getting very few replies and his replies were cold and monosyllabic like "Okay." or rude. When I went to bed I texted goodnight with cute pet names and everything and he merely said "Night.". Treating me coldly all day. I thought it was me projecting something...

This morning I thought I needed to make it clear that it is okay to talk because maybe I was being vague. But then I received a long text about how I was being suspicious and hiding something. Maybe talking to others... Avoiding him. I couldn't just take a day for myself suddenly and isolate him. And now is punishing me for wanting alone time, saying that I was isolating him. I gave him all the chances to talk to me... I asked him if he was okay with things and he said it was fine, he didn't need to give me permission to take a day for myself. It feels like I can't get things right. I will always be wrong.

I don't feel safe in this relationship anymore, at the same time I don't know how to go from here. Or even how to end it. I have the feeling and sensation that all of my words are twisted and I am always made to be the bad guy.