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EspritFort t1_jebhguq wrote

>in sexual intercourse, a lot of people seem to have decided safewords to ensure that nobody is made uncomfortable, which is great! but i don’t understand why the word “stop” couldn’t be used. why would you need to decide on a completely unrelated word for when you’d like to stop instead of just saying stop?

Because since whatever you and your partner(s) of choice end up doing might just happen to involve roleplay. If, for example, the point of the whole enterprise is to involve a party feigning reluctance, then "stop" literally and genuinely meaning "Stop what you're doing!" would sabotage the arrangement.

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A_Garbage_Truck t1_jebh1fq wrote

as far as i understand its because depending on what's being done the word " stop" might be part of the play(possibly leading to your partner unwillingly injuring them or worse). hence why in these its " safer"(heh) if this word as something as outlandish as possible ot make it perfectly clear that w/e is happening needs to end NOW.

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OccludedFug t1_jebhscp wrote

A person might be saying "don't stop!"
which could be unclear, especially if they're ecstatic: "Don't! Stop!"
whereas crying out "pepsi" (completely unrelated) is an unmistakable demand

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Emyrssentry t1_jebh4x1 wrote

A safeword/safety action is used in any situation where the word "stop" cannot otherwise be used to stop. Examples being: when the word stop is part of roleplay, or when the use of the mouth is limited.

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Tekhead001 t1_jebhsq4 wrote

Sometimes, especially during rough sex, once the adrenaline starts flowing and people are going at it, things get said. Sometimes people say the word stop when they're just living out a fantasy of consensual non-consent. It's important to have a safe word that is something that is almost impossible to say in the heat of passion, when communication becomes difficult.

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Cyclonitron t1_jebi8nm wrote

Consensual non-consent (CNC for short) is a form of sexual role-play where one of the willing partners is going to resist the sexual activity; part of the thrill for that person is being overpowered and forced to do something against their will. They may fight back, try to get away, tell their partner to stop, even though they don't actually want their partner to stop because it's all part of the role-play. The purpose of a safeword is to have an unambiguous word (almost always non-sexual, e.g. "pineapple") the resisting partner can use to indicate they really do want the activity to stop.

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Erdnuss_Gallery t1_jebisvi wrote

Because we humans like to take things a bit further. Like when you're a kid and dad starts tickling you. You are laughing but what him to stop, yet he continues to tickle you because it's fun.

As we get older, we continue to push buttons and take things one step further, thinking it's out of fun, but not always recognizing when stop means a genuine stop and the person will be upset after vs stop meaning an acknowledgement of not being comfortable but pushing forward means helping them move past their comfort level.

So having something completely unrelated let's both parties know when things need to stop completely.

I think a safe word also makes for a non-mood killing way of saying no. If "no" can mean "stop...don't stop...stop...don't stop..." In a teasing way, and it also means "stop because I'm not comfortable with will get upset if you don't stop" then the only way to differentiate between the two is tone.

And if you are having sexy time with a partner, and they push your boundaries where you start saying no. But they continue to tease and push, you will eventually aggressively say no, which then kills your sexy-mood. Thus ending sexy time completely and putting a bit of a wall between you and your partner.

But if instead you can say, "Oranges!" Your partner gets the idea ASAP and you can both tone it back a bit without actually killing the mood and without your boundaries feeling pushed too far.

I hope that helps.

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Kayback2 t1_jebjl5h wrote

They are very situationally dependant. If you are doing something where you might say stop, but not actually mean stop then you need a word that is code for "I need this action to cease now" without spoiling the fun.

Most people can get through their lives without ever needing a safe word, for sex. In anything but a niche situation stop means stop, no means no.

But if you're doing something like some dom/sub thing where the sub is not allowed to say no, then saying it will just make things "worse" for the sub, which can be all part of the fun and games. But you might need the dom to stop, so you have a code word that will bring things to a halt.

You can use a traffic light system where one code word means this is heading to territory I am uncomfortable with so tone it down, but don't stop and the stop-stop. A stop-stop safe word means thing come to an abrupt halt. This can include things like destroying BDSM gear to release the person who called a stop and getting them out of whatever situation ASAP. As an example I had to use my rescue knife to cut a brand new rope my wife and I were using recently because something went wrong and she was in real pain, not just tied up. While that isn't the same as a stop-not-meaning-stop safeword they can be used for myriad reasons.

My wife and I have a set of words for normal every day situations that means get-me-out-of-here that either can invoke when needed.

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